Recognise the signs and get the support you need from employers

To others, it may look like you’re thriving, and that you’ve got everything under control. But, despite how it looks on the outside, you know something’s wrong. You’re constantly tired, you’re feeling overwhelmed. Every decision or conversation feels like it’s draining you of energy, and that nagging voice of self-doubt is growing ever louder.

If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing, or at the very least approaching, burnout.

While burnout is no new issue, it’s becoming increasingly prevalent. And after the last few years, many of us are aware of what it means to be happy and healthy, and what our minds and bodies need in order to function at their best.

But even if you know something isn’t right, the hard part can be asking for help. So, how can you tell your employer that you’re struggling?

Understand what may be causing it

When it comes to burnout recovery, often, the first step is to understand the root cause. Identifying the potential causes can help you to know exactly what support you may need from your employer, and also, indicate if there’s anything that has been missing from your life. For example, have you been unusually busy in and out of work, so you’ve lost the time you previously had to actually rest? When was the last time you did something for yourself?

Identify the help you need

Once you have an idea of what may be causing it, the next step is to understand what help you need. There might not be a clear answer, but having an inkling of what will help you can make the conversation easier later on. Perhaps you feel like there’s simply too much on your plate and delegating some of the work could help ease that pressure?

Of course, if you’ve realised that you’re unhappy at your workplace, you may decide now is the time to move on. While scary, taking this leap could be the best thing you ever do.

Speak to someone you feel comfortable with

If you’re nervous about talking to your employer, can you talk to a friend first? Or is there a colleague you can confide in? Someone to be a listening ear while you try to understand what you need. Simply talking about how you feel can help you make sense of the situation when you can’t see the wood for the trees.

Read your company policies

Does your company offer any wellbeing support? According to Mental Health UK, just 23% of people knew what plans their employers had in place to help spot the signs of chronic stress and burnout. While this is on employers to improve communication, if you are struggling, it’s worth reading through company documents to understand exactly what is offered.

Book a time to chat

Knowing how you feel and what support you need will help make the conversation as easy as possible. Who you speak to will depend on the issue, but for general workload or job satisfaction issues, your manager is likely your first port of call. If you’re feeling mistreated, or if you’re not comfortable speaking with your manager, schedule a chat with HR.

The best advice I can give from my own experience is to be as honest and open

From young children to budding adults, anxiety can present in, and affect, young people in different ways as they grow up. So how can you spot and support it?

Anxiety is a natural part of many of our lives, and it doesn’t just affect adults. Though the triggers and stressors may be different, many children experience anxiety, with the NHS finding that across five to 19-year-olds, around one in 12 (8.1%) reported an emotional disorder such as anxiety or depression.

The point at which anxiety becomes a problem is when it begins to affect their everyday life, and gets in the way of them flourishing. But what does anxiety look like in children and young people of different ages? And how can we best support them at each stage? Here, with help from Hasret Tekin, a child and adolescent therapist, we highlight what to watch out for.

Under five

“This age group usually experiences anxiety in the form of separation anxiety,” Hasret explains. “It is in line with normal child development that children may experience separation anxiety from their primary caregiver from age six months to three years old.”

Hasret explains that you may notice your child is more clingy than usual, perhaps because they are worried that you will leave or disappear – at this age, they may not understand that you will come back. It might be that big life events such as starting nursery or school spark this reaction, and the anxiety might present as tantrums and protests, and unresolved it could lead to regression (such as wanting a dummy or a nappy), sleep problems, and phobias.

Five to eight years old

When a child reaches this age group, it’s likely that they have moved beyond separation anxiety, and instead the root of their anxiety is tied up in new developmental stages such as school problems, friendship issues, and self-esteem dips.

“They may feel worried about being likeable among friends, feeling shy in social scenarios, nervous, and clingy in new situations,” Hasret explains. “Some levels of performance anxiety and perfectionism are also common in this age group. When the anxiety becomes problematic, you may notice sleeping difficulties, bad dreams or nightmares, bed wetting, becoming irritable, tearful, unhappy, or withdrawn. Fears are also common in this age group as a manifestation of anxiety.”

Eight to 11 years old

Similarly to the previous age group, Hasret explains that the anxiety is likely to be tied up with their development stage, but on a larger scale. However, children in this age group may also have more of an awareness of external stress.

At this age, they may have more life events to refer to, such as conflict at home, parental separation, the death of a grandparent, illness, or sibling problems. With a greater understanding of these scenarios, they might develop anxiety about rejection, take on worries about the health of a loved one, pick up on money stress, or begin to compare their lives to those around them.

11 to 14 years old

“This age is pre-adolescent and adolescent years where the anxiety is usually about the transitions,” Hasret says. “There are many things children say goodbye to in this age group, such as the end of primary school. They have the anxiety of t

What do you think would make you describe your life as satisfying and successful? According to research, it’s the quality of your friendships more than anything else…

Robin Dunbar, professor of evolutionary psychology at the University of Oxford, and author of Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationship, makes it clear: friendships are vital to our happiness and longevity.

The single best predictor of our psychological health, wellbeing, physical health, and even how long we live, is the number and the quality of close friends that we have. The same conclusions were drawn by researchers in the longest study on happiness, which followed 268 men over 75 years of their lives. Men with warm, social relationships and friendships considered their lives successful and lived longer, were wealthier, and had more satisfying marriages. However, this was only true if the social relationships they had were of high quality.

With this striking evidence in mind, improve the quality of your friendships with three easy hacks.

1. Make room in your busy schedule to spend time with your friends

Friendships are so vital to our wellbeing, happiness, and longevity because of the effect that friends have on our body. “The things you do with friends, whether it be laughter, singing or eating together, triggers the endorphin system in the brain,” explains Professor Dunbar. “This, in turn, supports the immune system, destroying viruses and some cancer cells. So, the things that might cause you serious discomfort or serious illness are either eliminated or reduced. And, therefore, you live longer.”

Importantly, this effect on our body is the strongest when we are physically with our friends. Social media and phones are useful devices for maintaining friendships, as they remind our friends that we keep thinking about them. However, as Professor Dunar stresses, “Nothing really substitutes being able to sit across the table and stare into the whites of the eyes of the other person, and reach out and give them a hug or a pat on the shoulder. These are the things that really kick in the endorphin system”.

That is why making time in your busy schedule to actually see your friends in person is the key to harvesting the wellbeing outcomes of friendships.

2. Find precious moments and stories to share with your friends

When spending time with your friends, concentrate on sharing stories and precious moments, as these bring us together and build further connections. Storytelling and sharing experiences also contribute to the release of endorphins in the brain that makes you feel bonded to the particular person you are doing the selected activity with.

Also, as friends tend to be very similar to us, concentrating on the things we have in common is shown to strengthen our bond.

“There are ‘scene pillars’ of friendships, and the more of those dimensions you share with somebody, the stronger the relationship is,” explains Professor Dunbar. These are your gender, personality, education, ethnicity, interests, moral views, and m

Before you unload your worries onto a friend or loved one, take a moment to think about these five things

As a mental health blogger who often listens to people vent, I wish more people checked in with me first. Because, even though I encourage those with mental health struggles to reach out, there are times when I am emotionally unavailable. When I’m overwhelmed by my own issues, I cannot help anyone else – and this is something that many of us will be familiar with.

Talking about your problems with a troubled confidante may not always give you the insight or advice you’re looking for, but it will almost certainly add to their mental burden. So, here are some simple, organic ways to ask your go-to listener for their emotional consent before you vent.

1. Ask them how they are

Before you offload your worries onto someone, it is essential to know if they are in a reasonably alright physical and mental state. When you vent as soon as you begin your conversation, you do not give your listener the option to say no if they need to.

According to psychologist Tania Diaz, ‘emotional consent’ is the act of responsibly asking for permission to share an emotionally charged experience with another individual. In accordance with that, it is crucial to enquire about their wellbeing before you do so.

2. Keep it simple

Once you know that they are indeed fine, it’s time to ask for emotional consent. If you are worried about doing it without sounding awkward, don’t worry.

Tania says: “It is not what you say that influences the tone of the dialogue, but how you say it. Using your own words will help you keep it simple and authentic. For example, ‘Hey do you have a moment for me to run something by you; I’m sort of in a funk. If not now, let me know when it’s a good time to talk.’ See? You don’t have to use any jargon. While it may feel strange to ask for permission, your loved one will feel respected. Over time, it will feel more natural and help to build a healthy relationship.”

3. Use trigger warnings

After they have consented to a conversation, give the listener an idea of the subject of your problem(s). Tania believes that this is important not only for the listener, but also for you.

She explains: “A trigger warning is imperative, as your friend may not have recovered from past injuries. They may be still recovering from their emotional wounds. One can hold space for someone only when they have the emotional capacity to do so. Not giving a warning to your ventee can be considered short-sighted, irresponsible, and selfish. Done repeatedly, it can strain your relationship.”

4. Exercise discretion and respect boundaries

Even after getting consent, use your judgment. For example, if the listener has recently ended a long-term relationship and the venter wants relationship advice, should you approach them in the first place? Would it be better to vent to someone else? Another thing to keep in mind is boundaries.

Even if you have a green flag to talk about what is on your mind, respect boundaries. If you aren’t sure of what they are, ask without hesitation. Make sure you

How can we truly feel our feelings? Here we look at some techniques to help us identify our emotions so we can process them in a healthy way

Do you ever feel full of feelings… but you aren’t quite sure what they are? Perhaps you’re feeling more tearful than usual and the simplest thing sets you off. Or maybe there’s anger simmering, but you don’t know why.

Feeling our feelings should be simple, right? In theory, yes, but sometimes our feelings get trapped under layers of shame, guilt and even denial, making it harder to really identify what’s going on for us. Some of us can also fall into a trap of numbing ourselves to our emotions, using tools like binge-watching TV, scrolling social media, or in some cases abusing substances.

It can seem easier to bury our heads in the sand than deal with our emotions, but when we do this, those emotions fester and turn into something worse. They may stay hidden for a while but, eventually, they pour out (often in unhelpful ways).

Being intentional about identifying our emotions can help us shine a light of awareness on how we’re feeling. It helps us identify and acknowledge our emotions, which ultimately helps us process and understand them. It might not get rid of difficult feelings, but it’s an integral first step to helping us cope better.

So, how can we tap into our emotions? Here are a few ideas to try.

1. Write it out

This is my personal go-to, as someone who’s kept a journal since the age of 13. Writing about how you feel can help you take that tangled web of thoughts and feelings in your mind and put it down on paper. Just the act of putting pen to paper is cathartic to many.

In her article, Getting your thoughts down on paper, writer Katie Conibear shares six prompts to use writing in a therapeutic way.

2. Feel it in your body

Sometimes our emotions present themselves physically, especially if we’re finding it hard to acknowledge or process them. This is something somatic therapy can help with. The approach uses physical techniques and exercises to help you be present in your body and tap into what you’re feeling. Somatic therapy can help with a range of concerns, including anxiety, trauma, chronic pain and depression.

In this video, counsellor Ian Wallace explains what somatic therapy is, including how therapists use the approach in sessions, and how clients may benefit from this type of therapy.

3. Get creative

Taking a more abstract approach to our emotions can sometimes give us the distance we need to tap into them. This is the premise behind many arts therapies and can be very effective. Here are some ideas to get a little creative with:

• Try painting a landscape of how you feel.
• Write a short story about a character who feels the same as you.
• Make a playlist that encapsulates how you feel.

Don’t worry if what comes