It’s official: Brits are having less sex. Is technology and stress really to blame, or is our lack of self-acceptance at the core of our problems?

It’s not something we really talk about, but let’s be honest: sex is great, isn’t it? It’s good for your heart, acts as a stress buster, and keeps tension at bay – what’s not to love? Yet according to findings published in the British Medical Journal, nearly a third of us haven’t had sex in the past month. That’s… not so great.

We’re at a point in history where it feels like, for the most part, we’ve got more freedom to be open about what (and who) we love than ever before. Yet for some of us, getting over that first hurdle – accepting ourselves, and what we enjoy – feels like the hardest.

Despite kink-based novels and films making mainstream headlines for nearly a decade, many of us can still struggle with our desires. Love it or hate it, Fifty Shades of Grey sparked debate, and brought rarely-discussed sexual desires into the eye of mainstream commentary. Yet beneath the best-sellers and star-studded cast, and past mainstream publications focusing on ‘weird extreme’ fetishes, sits actual individuals facing a whole host of issues and worries.

Recognising you have sexual urges outside of what society considers ‘normal’ is just the first step. Sure, there may be a community, ready and waiting with open arms – but self-acceptance isn’t always that easy. Do you ‘come out’ as kinky, or keep things firmly behind closed doors? How do you balance sharing with oversharing? Do you risk shutting loved ones out of an entire part of your life by keeping your desires secret?

Sounds complicated. We asked members of the fetish community to share their thoughts on how they came to accept their inner desires.

Coming out as kinky

Will, a programmer approaching his mid-30s, shares his experiences with us as an ‘out and proud’ member of the fetish community. First realising his fetishes as a teen, Will spent years going through binge and purge cycles with his desires, before he felt ready to open up and speak out.

“I struggled with my attractions. Many in the community describe binge and purge cycles before they found acceptance. Because an inclination to kink is often considered perverse, I feel it can naturally make people hide this part of themselves.

“I remember throwing everything away, furiously deleting my internet history and bookmarks, only to start buying kinky items and browsing the same forums a few months later. It was only after many years of this that I decided to take the plunge and meet people.

“Speaking with people face-to-face, actually talking about and understanding their nonchalant attitudes to their kinks, allowed me to accept mine, and accept this part of myself. I struggled most with hiding parts of my life from close friends and family. I developed a real fear of what would happen if they found out.

“While I’ve not told them specific details, I’ve explained that I’m openly part of the community, that I’m happy and safe. Although many don’t truly understand what that means, I

Hi friends! I’m so excited for today’s podcast episode because it’s a topic that’s near and dear to my heart: Fertility Awareness Method!

I’ve been practicing FAM since the old days, when I first got off birth control in 2009. It changed my life. It was the first chance I had to understand my cycle and how it changes throughout the month and gave me key insights into my fertile and non-fertile days. It’s a non-hormonal form of birth control that can be very effective, especially if you’re diligent about tracking your symptoms throughout the month. It can also tell you if something is off, like if your cycle starts to change lengths drastically, or if you’re not ovulating.

In today’s podcast episode, I’m chatting with Jess Suchan and Candace Burch (an incredible mother-daughter duo! Candace’s daughter Ryan also works on the family business) all about birth control and Fertility Awareness Method.

109: Fertility Awareness Method and getting off birth control with Jess Suchan and Candace Burch

Here’s what we discuss:

– Why hormonal birth control can be problematic

– What is FAM and how does it work?

– Tracking apps and how to track throughout the month

– Hormone balancing tips

– and so.much.more.

It’s also worth mentioning here that birth control is a super personal topic and at the end of the day, you have to research and do what makes sense for your body and life. This podcast episode is not meant to convince anyone; we’re just sharing our experiences. You gotta do what works for you, boo. Also, friendly reminder that this is not medical advice and just intended for informational purposes.

You can also check out my previous podcast episode with Candace Burch here!

Here’s a little bit more about Candace and Jess and their backgrounds:

Jess Suchan is a board certified Holistic Health Coach who coaches her clients towards finding a life of bliss, free from fad diets, overexercising, and burnout. She believes that in order to change our habits we must address the “holistic picture” and compassionately investigate how all areas of our lives are interconnected.

Jess spent over a decade yo-yo dieting, exercising fo

The 50 Shades phenomenon has been and gone. But are there underlying principles used within the fetish community that could benefit our romantic relationships?

Sex. It’s not something we talk about, is it? As a nation, we tend to leave what happens between the sheets well and truly behind closed doors. But why is that, when studies have shown the physical and psychological benefits sex and loving relationships can have on our wellbeing?

According to research, arousal can have the same benefits as light exercise, a good hug can help lower blood pressure and release tension, while hormones released during orgasm help us achieve a better night’s sleep.

Research also suggests that sex can benefit our mental health. Reducing our overall levels of stress and anxiety whilst boosting happiness, we feel more satisfied and are better able to identify emotions when we regularly have sex with our partners.

With so many benefits, shouldn’t we be shouting it from the rooftops? Yet, despite the many benefits, our romantic relationships may not be as rosy as they first appear. Relationship charity Relate revealed that over half of us try to make our relationship appear happier than it really is. 42% of us use social media to give the impression of a ‘perfect relationship’ - even though a staggering 33% of Brits are in a relationship that has experienced infidelity.

It’s time we started looking at what can really help us have a more fulfilling, long-lasting relationship. Could the fetish community already have the answers?

RACK, SSC and wellbeing within the kink community

Communication is key. It’s a simple concept, yet research suggests an overwhelming 91% of us feel we would benefit from being more open about our relationship issues.

If you’ve ever ventured beyond the fluffy handcuffs and copies of 50 Shades of Grey at your local Ann Summers, and into the welcoming arms of your local or online communities, you’ve likely encountered the terms SSC and RACK. These two main principles underpin many of the interactions within the kink community.

Standing for Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) and Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), each acts as a basic structure for negotiating relationships, scenes, and interactions (both sexual and non-sexual).

SSC, often considered the more introductory, reminds participants to keep their safety and wellbeing at the forefron

Sharing a recipe for a delicious and refreshing blackberry cucumber cocktail!

Hi hi! How’s the day going so far? I hope you’re having a great morning. I’m catching a yoga class and spending the rest of the day working on some stuff for Fit Team and the podcast.

For today’s post, I wanted to share a super delicious and EASY cocktail recipe. This one is courtesy of my brother Kyle, and we learned how to make this while we did his Cocktails in the Kitchen class at Miraval.

TBH, I haven’t experimented with cocktails too much. I feel like they can be intimidating, and while I can follow a recipe, I don’t tend to be very creative with cocktails. (Worth mentioning here that I do make a very lovely margarita, but that’s about where it ends.) He had our stations set up with fresh herbs, berries, tools, and gin, and before we knew it, we were cheers-ing each other with the freshest libation I’d had in a long time. I’m so pumped to share the recipe with you!

Blackberry Cucumber Cocktail

Ingredients

Cucumber

Mint

Basil

Blackberries

Simple syrup (equal parts honey and water)

Lemon

Lime

Gin

Ice

Instructions

Muddle all of the ingredients (minus the gin).

Next, add in the gin. Shake, strain, and garnish!

Kyle gave