Tasha Bailey: Life beyond people pleasing is more colourful and fulfilling

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Are you a people pleaser? If so, Psychotherapist Tasha Bailey (AKA Real Talk Therapist) has some words of wisdom, practical tools and alternatives that might help you live a more colourful life without resentment

Tasha Bailey: Life beyond people pleasing is more colourful and fulfilling

“I describe people pleasing in two ways,” Psychotherapist Tasha Bailey explains on Happiful’s podcast I am. I have. “The first way is more general, it’s a tendency to put ourselves last and we put everyone else’s needs above our own. That might come from a place of wanting to be liked or a fear of rejection.

“The second definition is people pleasing as a trauma response,” she continues. “If we’ve grown up in a household where our needs were never met, or always at the bottom of the list, we’ll learn to do that to ourselves as if we don’t matter. We become caretakers. We might end up being in friendships or relationships where we look after other people’s feelings, or even in jobs where we do that, and forget to look after ourselves.”

 

These descriptions will resonate with so many readers who struggle with this trait. In many ways, as Tasha expands upon, people pleasing behaviours can be all too easy to adopt when trying to find or maintain our place in the world from an early age. However, that’s all the more reason to address them in adulthood.

“Niceness, being a hard worker and all giving, especially as a woman or a person of colour, is really glorified in society. So when you’re thinking about looking after your own needs, you can often go to a place of thinking ‘that’s selfish of me’, or go to a place of guilt but then you’re not being looked after.

“What will happen is that will tire us out emotionally and physically, so we have to work out how to look after a bit of both. Me first, yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to drop everything, it just means I’m going to be more considerate of how I put myself first here.”

Roasted Fingerling Potatoes with Chipotle Garlic Sauce

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Crisp and salty on the outside with fluffy baked potato inside, these Roasted Fingerling Potatoes are a great way to change up the average weeknight meal.

Ah, potatoes. They do so much for us! When it comes to side dishes, some kind of potato is almost always fitting. In my house, potatoes show up on the dinner table several nights a week in every form from roasted to mashed and even smashed.

Roasted Fingerling Potatoes are immensely snackable!

I love how versatile potatoes are and how they’re equally appropriate to serve to company on a special formal occasion or on a weeknight when everyone’s in their pajamas.

This Fingerling Potatoes Recipe is like that–something about them feels a bit more “special” than your everyday Baked Potatoes (though I do still love baked potatoes), especially when paired with the chipotle garlic sauce. Yet, they’re so easy to make (and loved by my kids) that these roasted potatoes have become a permanent fixture of our everyday meals.

What are fingerling potatoes?

Fingerlings are a  small and narrow type of potato. They resemble stubby fingers in appearance, thus the name. They have a delicate and thin skin that doesn’t need to be peeled and their unique look makes them so much fun to serve!

These tubers are often confused with new potatoes, although they aren’t interchangeable. While new potatoes are potatoes that are small due to being harvested early in the season, fingerling potatoes are fully matured.

Roasted Fingerling Potatoes

Oven Roasted Fingerling Potatoes

Fingerlings are much quicker to prep and roast than

Psychodynamic therapy: what is it and how can it benefit your mental health?

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We speak with integrative psychotherapist and counsellor, Jeremy Sachs, to learn more about psychodynamic therapy, its benefits, and how to find out if it’s the right approach for you

Psychodynamic therapy: what is it and how can it benefit your mental health?

Whether you’re struggling with a specific issue, or are looking for someone to talk things over with, there are many different reasons why you may reach out and start counselling. But did you know that there are a variety of different approaches out there that could help? Finding the right one that best suits your needs can feel overwhelming; that’s why it’s important to learn more about specific types and approaches.

What is psychodynamic therapy?

Also known as psychodynamic counselling, psychodynamic therapy is a therapeutic approach that embraces the work of all analytic therapies. In essence, psychodynamic therapy is based on the idea that our unconscious thoughts and perceptions develop throughout our childhood, affecting how we behave and think now.

A psychodynamic therapist is interested in your past, how you adapted to the people and environment in your past, and how these people and experiences shaped you. They believe how we relate to other people now is based on these beliefs/experiences from our childhood.

By working with a psychodynamic counsellor, you can unravel these deep-rooted feelings, to resolve the painful memories that you have unconsciously been holding on to. They can help you see where you might need to unlearn, relearn, or change the ways you see the world.

Integrative psychotherapist and counsellor, Jeremy Sachs, explains more: “Psychodynamic psychotherapy reflects on these key areas: the relationship between the client and therapist, the informative early experiences, and relationships of the client’s childhood, and their subconscious. The therapist will be interested in what the client believes about themselves, their relationships, and how they interact with the world as, often, these beliefs can be the source of psychological pain.”

What should I expect from psychodynamic therapy?

Using a variety of different techniques, at its core, psychodynamic therapy relies on the interactions between you and your therapist to reveal your unconscious. But what does that actually mean, and what can it help with?

Jeremy says: “Entering psychodynamic therapy, one could expect to examine past experiences that may feel particularly painful in the present. These could be losses, or instances that are traumatic. Alternatively, someone new to psychodynamic therapy may feel stuck, depressed, or anxious.

“Psychodynamic therapy can also be a useful mode of therapy for personality disorders. It is often called ‘deeper’ therapy, as it examines the root causes of pain, and is often long-term.”

What are the benefits?

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How to eat healthily for less

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Does eating healthy foods really have to break the bank? Or can you still make healthy, nutritious, balanced meals on a budget?

How to eat healthily for less

When you hear the phrase ‘healthy foods’, what comes to mind? Leafy greens, well-balanced plates, or eye-watering price tags? According to new research from yfood, 41% of us Brits associate healthy food with unaffordable prices.

With the cost of food (and the cost of living) still firmly on the rise, it’s no wonder nearly half (47%) of us have turned to social media to find recipes. What better way to find fun, healthy, affordable recipes than seeing what others are already making? However, this has led to further confusion around what is and isn’t actually healthy to eat.

Previous research has shown that almost half of Brits have ‘no idea’ what they should be eating, while 49% of us don’t understand what a ‘correct’ portion size looks like. It’s no wonder that a third of adults don’t eat fruit each week, while nearly half (46%) consume no vegetables at all on a weekly basis.

Just a fifth of us cook meals from scratch – and, even then, we are only doing it up to twice a week. Yet home cooking is filled with benefits: it’s often healthier as you know exactly what is going into your food, it can be a fun activity to do together with friends and family, and it’s cheaper than eating out or ready meals. For many, it can even be a mindful form of self-care.

Here, we share seven quick tips to help you get started.

How to eat healthily for less
Photo by Conscious Design on Unsplash

Quick wins for a healthier, affordable, balanced diet

Our average food bill is set to rise by £380 in 2022. For those of us on a budget, that seems like an insurmountable rise. But there are ways you can make small changes to help you save money without sacrificing food quality, variety, or nutritional benefits.

1. Planning is key

It can be tempting to just pick up what you need for a single meal on your way home each night, but planning ahead and doing a single ‘big shop’ can be more cost-effective. If you can, think ahead and plan out a week’s worth of meals: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This not only helps you to avoid impulse purchases when you’re at the tills multiple times each week, but can help you to plan around your ingredients, instead of just what you fancy (or what’s got a reduced sticker but may not be that healthy).

Angelika Cutuk-Short, MSc Nutritionist, shares her Read more

Cajun Steak Bites

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Steak bites are a weeknight mainstay of our meal planning rotation. Cajun Steak Bites have just enough kick to please both my spice lovers and less adventurous eaters.

Cajun Steak Bites

Cajun Steak Bites

Steak bites are crispy bits of steak that cook up quickly and easily on the stovetop. I like to use a skirt steak cut into bite-sized pieces.

When making these bites be sure to not overcrowd your pan. You want to give each piece the chance to crisp up and get browned edges. Overcrowding the pan will result in the piece being steamed instead of browned.

The goal when cooking the meat is to create a crisply browned outside and a lovely pink and juicy center for each piece.

As the meat is cooking, if a piece is slightly larger and has a side that looks like it hasn’t browned, flip to that side again for 20-30 seconds. Take caution not to overcook the steak.

I am often asked if I use inside or outside skirt steak. The truth is you can use either in this recipe. However, if I have the choice I go with the outside skirt.

Outside skirt is usually a bit larger in size and is more flavorful and tender than the inside skirt. Sometimes you just have to go with what is available at your local market.

There isn’t always time to marinate a steak so these tasty bites with a flavorful dry rub are a perfect solution. The juicy bites cook up in minutes and make a complete meal, just add a vegetable.

I served the steak bites with a pan of Roasted Green Beans and Garlic Paprika Roasted Cauliflower, along with some Roasted Red Potatoes seasoned with the same Cajun spices I use on the steak bites.

Cajun Steak Bites

Cajun Steak Bites Recipe

  1. Cut the steak into bite-size pieces, about ½” – ¾” in size. Place the meat in a large b
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