When the time comes to be intimate again following childbirth, it can bring up complex feelings. Here’s how to work through them…

Birth is a powerful and incredible feat, and bringing a child into the world is arguably one of the most life-changing things a person will ever do. But childbirth takes its toll on the body, both physically and emotionally – not to mention the months of pregnancy beforehand, which stretch and push your body to, what feels like, its limits.

Once your little bundle of joy is safely home, you begin the journey of learning how to navigate your lives as a couple, while simultaneously doing your best to take care of your baby.

It may be the last thing on your mind for a while, but there may come a time when you’re ready to resume sex with your partner. For some, sex is an important part of growing and maintaining not only a physical connection with their partner, but also an emotional one.

Thinking about the actual event, however, can be daunting. If you’ve had a particularly traumatic birth, stitches or tears (or even if you haven’t), it’s normal to have some anxiety around sex after pregnancy and birth. Here are five simple and effective steps to help ease your worries.

1. Don’t push yourself

Although it’s best to wait until you’ve stopped bleeding before you start having sex again, after a straightforward birth it’s likely that your GP will ‘sign you off’ at your six-week check for physical activity – which includes sex. However, it’s important that you don’t view this as a ‘must-do’, unless you really feel ready.

Leah Hazard, midwife and author of Womb says: “It’s dangerous and unhelpful to think of the six-week check as a time when women get some kind of professional permission or validation to resume penetrative sex. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to intimacy: every body is different, and every timeline of recovery and readiness is different.”

2. Make time for intimacy

A baby makes you busy. So busy, in fact, that it’s all some of us can do to lie on the sofa mindlessly scrolling on our phones for an evening. But carving out a little time for intimacy – kisses, cuddles, holding hands – can help you feel much more connected with your partner, and allow you to remember the sweetness at the core of your relationship, outside of dirty nappies and feeding schedules.

Leah says: “Some people will feel emotionally and physically ready for intimate touch just a few days after birth, while others may not feel that way for many weeks or months. Both approaches are fine. It’s important to give your body and mind time to adjust, and it’s also helpful to remember that a nurturing physical relationship with your partner doesn’t have to involve penetration, or even genital contact.”

3. Ensure you’re completely ready

Vaginal dryness is a common cause of painful sex after giving birth, and it’s really key not to push yourself if you’re hurting. Even if you’re in the middle of what you thought might be your first time back between the sheets with your partner, you should press pause on things if you’re feeling uncomfortable or in pain. It’s important

Do you know someone who is prone to exaggeration? Or perhaps their version of events strays into all-out fantasy? If someone you care for demonstrates pathological lying, they might be experiencing mythomania – but getting support is a real possibility

Loving someone who frequently alternates reality at their convenience is a difficult task, and requires infinite amounts of patience. Especially if that person is undiagnosed, and you have no idea how to act or combat their tendency to compulsively lie.

Maybe, like me, it took you years to realise that your loved one is struggling with mythomania, and the thought of talking to someone else about it terrifies you. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Since we’re talking about a complex and often misunderstood disorder, that affects both the mythomaniac and those around them, underestimating it only results in broken relationships and undesirable consequences, as mythomaniacs may even break the law without being aware that they are doing it.

Now that you know the risks of remaining silent, let’s look at what this disorder is, how it manifests, and what the possible treatment options are for your loved one.

What is mythomania?

According to the experts, mythomania, also called pathological lying, is the strong impulse to magnify reality to either play the victim or hero. Once it becomes a habit, mythomaniacs can use lies to:

• Protect themselves from being held accountable.
• Seek attention.
• Take revenge on someone by causing turmoil and conflict.
• Try to emulate the exaggerated version of themselves that lives in their heads.
• Get a break from what feels like a monotonous life.

As you can see, mythomaniacs use lies to shape reality to their liking, and to help them, we must identify the root cause – the initial thing or things that made them feel insecure or threatened, and prompted them to use lies as a protective measure.

Counsellor, and director of Hope Therapy, Ian Stockbridge, explains: “They potentially can come from a variety of places, but I think that childhood trauma and childhood insecurities, more generally, and a wish to constantly please your caregivers, your parents, and to protect yourself in vulnerable situations as a child, can be associated. I think we can potentially learn at a very young age that to lie can be a protective factor.”

Are there types of mythomania?

Since every mythomaniac has a different reason for lying, that is, a different root cause, it’s difficult to classify them between those who lie to perpetuate their fantasy, and those who do it for the thrill of positively or negatively influencing their environment.

“I think the problem with mythomania is that it isn’t recognised by the DSM5, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual version 5, as being a psychiatric disorder, so it doesn’t get split out in any diagnostic sense,” Ian explains. “I think, from a therapeutic point of view, it is more about recognising that there can be different underlying causes associated with it rather than different types of it. For e

Why is sex so important, can sex be addictive, and can sexperts really help me (and my relationship)? We answer your most-searched-for sex-related questions and share everything you need to know about sex therapy and sexual coaching

Sex. It’s one of those topics that equally excites and embarrasses us to talk about. Despite 43% of women and 31% of men reporting a degree of sexual dysfunction (from trouble orgasming or a lack of desire to pain while having sex), a whopping third of us feel uncomfortable talking about sex with our partners.  

Enter the sexperts. To help us overcome our embarrassment and hesitancy in talking about all things sex-related, there are a variety of different experts we can now turn to to help us talk about our issues. They can help us learn more about common sexual problems, as well as work towards strengthening our sense of intimacy in our relationships.

But what are sexperts, is sex really that important, and what help is available out there?

What is a sexpert?

A sexpert is an informal term for someone who is knowledgeable about sex and sexually related things. According to Merriam-Webster, sexpert refers specifically to those with jobs that involve the academic study of sex, or people who help provide information and advice about sexual relationships and/or intercourse. Despite becoming a more commonly used term in recent years, sexpert actually dates back as far as the 1920s.

Why is sex important?

Research has shown that sex can have a wide variety of benefits for us and our relationships. Physically, emotionally, and psychologically – sex can help improve our overall sense of well-being, strengthen our bonds and sense of intimacy with our partner(s). Sex can even improve our sense of self-confidence.

That’s not to say that you have to have sex to be happy and healthy. Many people still have satisfying, fulfilling relationships without a sexual component.

Why is sex good for you?

There are many scientifically proven benefits of having sex and a healthy sex life. These

Do you find it hard to express how you feel? Sometimes, when we’re frustrated or angry, we might express our feelings indirectly rather than being up-front. But when we aren't open about our feelings, it can create confusion and negatively impact our relationships

Passive-aggressive behaviour can ‘feel normal’ to us - especially if it’s how we’ve grown up seeing others around us deal with relationship issues. Whether done verbally or nonverbally, someone may be passive-aggressive as a way to avoid outright hurting someone else’s feelings, or as a way to show displeasure or disagreement without outright stating it.

It’s a more common way of dealing with things than you might think. But what are the signs we can look out for to recognise (and stop) being passive-aggressive in our romantic relationships? Why are we passive-aggressive in the first place? And is it really a bad thing?

What is passive-aggressive behaviour (and why do we do it?)

Also referred to as non-verbal aggression, when we talk about passive-aggressive behaviour, it refers to when you feel angry or upset with someone, but feel like you can’t or don’t want to tell them.

There are many different reasons why someone might be passive-aggressive. They might have low self-esteem, feel insecure, or be afraid of losing control. Other common reasons can also be as a way of coping with feelings of stress, anxiety, or depression. It can also be a way to try and deal with rejection or conflict, because of feelings of under-appreciation, or because they are worried that any natural feelings of anger aren’t the ‘right’ response, and so trying to sugarcoat things feels like a better option.

Counsellor Andrea Harrn explains more about passive-aggressive behaviour and how it can be a problem in our relationships.

Why is passive-aggressive behaviour bad?

We almost all exhibit signs of passive aggression from time to time. But when it becomes a pattern of behaviour or a habit within our relationships (whether that’s romantic, platonic, or with work colleagues), it can become frustrating or upsetting for the other person involved. And for the person exhibiting this behaviour, their inability to say what is wrong and express themselves clearly can often worsen the issue.

Ultimately, passive aggression can be seen as destructive behaviour. It can prevent change and growth, leading to more negative behaviours, the breakdown of trust, and further relationship problems. Frequent passive-aggressive responses can be a sign of communication issues within your relationship, and if left to become a pattern over time, can damage your relationship.

Read more

What is intimacy, is it really that important, and how can we fix intimacy issues in our relationships? We answer your top questions about all things intimacy-related (and share how you can find help)

Intimacy generally refers to the closeness between people in a personal relationship. Typically building over time as you feel a deeper sense of connection, grow to care more about each other, and feel more comfortable together, you can be physically and/or emotionally close to someone.

For many people, the more you work on deepening your sense of intimacy within a relationship, the stronger your relationship feels. But what if you struggle to feel those connections? What if your partner avoids intimacy, or it feels like you are growing apart? And can you strengthen intimacy after your connections have begun to fade?

We explain more about your most commonly asked intimacy questions, and share how (and where) you can find help.

Are there different types of intimacy?

There are many different types of intimacy. Fostering a sense of intimacy requires a mixture of openness, trust, and vulnerability. Physical intimacy alone doesn’t guarantee a deeper sense of closeness and connection.

While not all relationships will involve all kinds of intimacy, many romantic relationships, marriages, or long-term partnerships involve a mixture of several different kinds. These can include:

• Emotional intimacy - being open with your feelings, thoughts, and fears (often leading to feeling safe and able to be open without judgement).
• Intellectual/mental intimacy - sharing ideas, life perspectives, and opinions whilst being open to learning, challenging each other, and respecting differing viewpoints to create a sense of mutual respect.
• Physical intimacy - holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing, and other physical touches including (but not limited to) those of a sexual nature.
• Spiritual intimacy - feeling safe to share your innermost ideas and beliefs on the purpose of life, your connection with the world and/or divine energies. (You may have differing beliefs, but feel validated in sharing and discussing these, and may share underlying values such as being honest or faithful).

Other types of intimacy can also include experiential, creative, aesthetic, recreational, commitment, communication, and more. There are many different ways to build a sense of intimacy, bringing you closer to each other and strengthening the bonds that create and hold your relationship together.

Read more