It can be incredibly tough to see your child going through self-harm. From a mother who has experienced it herself, we share steps for supporting them on their journey

When my child was 10, I discovered they were self-harming. I want to give other parents a list of things that have helped me and my child in the terrifying journey that self-harm can be. This is that list:

1. Listen

As Carrie McColl, a counsellor specialising in self-harm explains, listening is the most important thing to do. “Your child may not always have the words to express what they’re feeling, but tone of voice, body language, and behaviour can speak volumes,” she says.

It can be a tough conversation to have, but a needed one. “If your child has disclosed the self-harm to you, thank them for being so brave and honest,” Carrie continues. “If it’s been discovered in a different way, try to gently approach the subject in terms of making sure wounds are clean, and seeing if medical attention may be needed.”

2. Choose how you want to deal with the self-harming and the wounds

It’s a hard thing to say to a parent who has just discovered something so heartbreaking, but it is up to you to choose how you want to deal with the self-harming of your child. From removing sharp objects to cleaning wounds, there are many ways that can help you feel more in control.

As Carrie says, “Self-harm is much more than just cutting, and if someone wants to hurt themselves, they will quite often find a way.” There is no better way to deal with it than another, only a difficult choice to make to ensure your child feels safe.

3. Find an alternative

Depending on why your child self-harms, and their age, there are lots of different coping mechanisms that can be tried: elastic bands, red pen, butterfly drawings (check out the Butterfly Project, butterfly-project.tumblr.com).

Carrie says: “Distraction can be useful, as it helps to learn that the urge to self-harm will pass. If your child can agree to it, ask that they let you know when they have the urge, and then work together on ways to distract them until the feeling passes. Most of the time, if distractions are working, the urge will have gone.”

4. Don’t define them with self-harming

Tell the school, your friends, your family. Self-harming should not be taboo, but you don’t want it to become their only identity. Continue defining them with the activities they love, and show them that self-harming doesn’t change the way you see them.

“Try not to dismiss what they’ve done, or mini

Kara’s Christmas Cranberry Jell-o

Simple cherry jell-o full of fresh cranberries, apples and bananas makes for the best Christmas side dish on the dinner table!

Two years ago we had our cute friends over and Kara brought jell-o. Whhhhaaaaaa? When is the last time that someone brought jell-o to dinner? I was OBSESSED with it growing up, like it was one of my favorite things, but now I’m so old and it’s so sugary so I kinda ditched it, but I AM BACK!!! 

I’m so in!!

Kara’s Christmas Jell-o is one of those unexpected surprises. It’s so flavorful, the color is so bright and cheery and my goodness, it hits every good thing about life. I cannot get enough of it and I wouldn’t even share it except based on the love you all have for our raspberry pretzel jello, lemon pudding orange jello and our lemon jello cake, I’m gonna guess you all are fans of those killer jello recipes too. 

Kara is the friend that always remembers me. I don’t know how else to say it, she just is. She’s the one that pops by when I’m totally not expecting it. She’s the one that invites us over, asks about our kids and just loves us. 

And we love her, and her jell-o. Pretty sure you’re going to love it too.

Ingredients for Christmas Jell-o

You only need 5 ingredients to make this bright and festive Christmas side dish! Here is your shopping list:

• Cherry Jello
• Sugar
• Cranberries
• Apple
• Banana

The measurements for each can be found in the recipe card at the end of the post.

Read on for my biggest Favorite Things giveaway to date and how to enter these amazing prizes!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year….

Favorite Things is here!

Annual Survey + Favorite Things Giveaway is here!

I’ve been doing this type of giveaway for years now as a way to share gratitude with some lucky reader friends. You make this little corner of the internet the amazing space it’s become.

It’s still mindblowing to think that I started this blog 13 years ago, as a newlywed who was interested in fitness and health, and was craving some type of connection with those who enjoyed similar things. Who would have even known I’d get to *meet* all of you, and also be able to live my dream every day???

Being able to work from home and be here for the kids is everything to me – especially with a husband who travels frequently and has an unpredictable schedule – and I also get to virtually hang out with ya’ll, chatting about fitness-y and fun topics. So I hope you know how grateful I am every.single.day that you help make that happen.

Every click, comment, follow, product purchase, and pageview directly helps our family and I am beyond thankful to you all.

Let’s celebrate with a little giveaway, shall we??

Here are the prizes that are up for grabs:

(10 winners! Each winner will choose the prize they would like, in the order the names are drawn)

– A HigherDOSE sauna blanket or PEMF Go Mat (1 winner. Thank you SO much to my friends at HigherDOSE for sponsoring this portion of the giveaway)

– 3 days of Sakara meals (1 winner)

– Beautycounter goodies and amethyst jade rollers (3 winners)

– gold-plated medallion necklace (similar); the same one I wear every day (2 winners)

– A pair of Vuori performance joggers (1 winner)

– A year of Fit Team membership (1 winner)

– A container of Daily Nutritional Support (1 winner)

Total value: approx. $1700

Here’s how to enter:

– Leave a comment below with something

What role do togetherness and kindness play in our communities, local and beyond?

In a brisk corner of the internet, more than 4,500 people come together for worldwide tropical cyclone discussion, and general weather observations. This group is made up of followers of Nathan Foy – creator of Force Thirteen, a YouTube channel that produces videos on cyclones and weather forecasts. But who could have predicted the force for good this community could become?

“Our community mostly resides on Discord [a chat app for voice, video, and text], and is open to anyone,” says Nathan, when asked to reflect on the space he has created. “We still very much are mainly weather-related, but we opened a ‘room’ for care and support a couple of years ago, under the initiative of our moderator team.”

When Nathan saw an increase in the amount of personal issues coming up in general conversations in the group, the team decided to take action to make their community a supportive space. Drawn together by their shared interest in cyclones, the group now also offers the option of informal peer-to-peer support, a fleet of moderators ensuring it all remains safe.

Talk of Discord servers and digital moderators may feel uniquely 2022, but the desire to gather is, of course, not. In fact, it’s going right back to basics. Coming together, meeting people where they are, building communities, and weathering the storm together – these are the practices that built our society in the first place, and that gave our modern world its foundations. And the more pressure we put on those foundations – the higher we build and the further away we get from our roots – the more we need to return to them, to nurture them, and to come together once again.

The group of Nordic countries (Finland, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, and Iceland) that consistently dominate the top spots in the World Happiness Report (WHR) have a couple of things in common. It’s important to acknowledge the financial climate – high GDP per capita, a welfare state, and ample social benefits – but beyond that, the WHR looks at other factors, including social support and generosity.

They’re the kind of values we might associate with ‘village living’. The phrase alone might conjure up images of a stroll to the local shop, the walk punctuated by friendly encounters with people you know by name, and who would be round in a jiffy the moment you need a hand. The good news is that this ‘village’ style connectivity isn’t particularly geographically restricted.

In figures from the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, when asked “Overall, how happy did you feel yesterday?” on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 is “not at all happy” and 10 is “completely happy”, those living in predominantly rural areas gave an average rating of 7.47, only marginally higher than the average rating of 7.25 given by those living in predominantly urban areas.

What’s more, in a report into community life, which ran from April 2020 to March 2021 and was published by the Department for Digital, Culture, Media & Sport, 65% of respondents agreed that people in t

Is putting ourselves first always selfish? And is being selfish really always a bad thing? We explain more about healthy selfishness and how it can help you

Being called selfish is an unpleasant blow. Socially speaking, the idea of being selfish is taboo: it’s something we should strive to avoid at all costs. To be called selfish means you are inconsiderate of other people, putting your own pleasure and gains ahead of others. Yet the term can often be used as a weapon against us, to manipulate us into doing things for others – even when it could be to our own detriment.

Can selfishness be good?

Selfishness isn’t always bad. According to experts, selfishness can be healthy, while altruism (the selfless concern for the wellbeing of others) can become extreme and unhealthy.

Scott Kaufman from the Department of Psychology at Columbia University, New York, and Emanuel Jauk from the Department of Psychology at the University of Graz, Austria and Clinical Psychology and Behavioral Neuroscience at Technische Universitat Dresden, Germany, recently published their research into healthy selfishness and pathological altruism.

“Selfishness is often regarded as an undesirable or even immoral characteristic. However, human history as well as the works of humanistic and psychodynamic psychologists point to a more complex picture: not all selfishness is necessarily bad, and not all altruism is necessarily good,” they explain.

According to their research, healthy selfishness can be related to higher levels of psychological wellbeing, developing skills necessary to deal with the demands placed on us by our environment in an effective way (adaptive functioning), as well as developing behaviour that genuinely is intended to help others (prosocial behaviour).

In contrast, those who practised pathological altruism (where we do things in an attempt to promote the welfare of others but cause harm that was reasonably foreseeable by others) were more likely to exhibit behaviours that stopped them from adapting to new or difficult circumstances (maladaptive psychological behaviours), vulnerable narcissism (a narcissist type that is highly self-conscious, insecure, and hypersensitive to rejection), and selfish motivations for helping others.

What is healthy selfishness?

Healthy selfishness refers to having a healthy respect for your own health, growth, joy, freedom, and happiness. It can mean using boundaries to help you define and refocus on your needs and those of others. By setting boundaries, we can not only allow our focus to return to our own needs, but we can create the emotional bandwidth to refocus on those that we love and care for.

For example, by saying no to attending a work social on a Friday night that you know is likely to make you feel exhausted, drained, and overwhelmed, you can instead reserve that energy for spending time with friends and family. This type of ‘healthy selfishness’ means that you are prioritising yourself and those closest to you, using your time and energy to