I’ve had so, so many requests for this post. Friends out there were curious about my faith, what deepened my faith, and how it plays a part in my life. You guys know I don’t typically write about these types of topics here on the blog. I never want anyone to feel isolated, and I respect and LOVE the fact that we all have different views and backgrounds. With the overwhelming requests I’ve received, I decided to write a post about about all of this. It’s a vulnerable one and I just wanted to say thank you in advance for being kind to me for sharing my heart, and also to those who choose to leave a comment.
Please keep in mind that this is my story; it doesn’t have to be your story, and if you don’t believe the same things, it’s ok! I have friends who have different beliefs and genuinely feel that it makes life way more exciting and interesting. I’m also friends with people who think that creme brûlée is a real dessert (it’s not), but even though we have different beliefs, we can still love each other. 😉
As many of you guys know, I grew up Catholic. We went to mass each Sunday, prayed the rosary, and the Catholic environment was a large part of my adolescent and young adult life. At the same time, I wasn’t a great Catholic. I tended to daydream during the homily (I still do sometimes), and was really there for the music more than anything. But, I was there.
While I don’t agree with *everything* in the Catholic faith, I agree with a lot of it. Most of all, I love the rich traditions and the comfort of it all. Mass reminds me of a hot yoga class with a set flow; the structure is the same each day, and I know what to expect. Sometimes I give it 100%, sometimes it’s more like 60%, but I’m there.
While I went to mass pretty much my entire life and absolutely believed in God, I never really felt super close to Jesus. He was a man who did miraculous things, but when people talked about having a relationship with Jesus… I didn’t get it. I was like yeah I respect the guy who gave his life for us, but we don’t feel like BFFs, and that’s ok. That’s how it was until a couple of years ago.
For some people who have a sudden draw towards Jesus, it can be after a huge life change or event. For me, it was when the world flipped upside down. We all have our own struggles, and 99% of mine never see the pages of this blog, but I was going through an extremely difficult time. I was here, still trying to work and make an income for our family, the kids were home from school (Liv had SO MANY zoom classes and so.much.damn.homework), I was trying to keep P from bouncing off the walls and injuring herself, and the Pilot was traveling internationally with the airlines during an unpredictable time. Bella passed away, which broke my heart into a million pieces, and a relationship with someone very close changed in a devast