5 tips to take control of your finances‌‌

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Finance expert Davinia Tomlinson shares easy steps to help you manage your money‌‌

5 tips to take control of your finances‌‌

Anyone else counting the days until payday? The first payday after the holidays usually feels a long way off (especially if you got paid early in December), but some of us may be noticing it more than ever this year. As we head into the New Year, many of us like to take the chance to reset and embrace a fresh start, but worries about money and the cost of living can hold us back.

If you’re keen to get a handle on your finances in 2023, a great first step is to learn more about managing money so you can approach it in a simple and strategic way. To help us get started, finance expert Davinia Tomlinson, founder of Rainchq and author of Cash is Queen: A Girl’s Guide to Securing, Spending and Stashing Cash, shares five tips to help you take control of your financial future and live your best, most financially abundant life.

Whether you're just starting out or looking to improve your financial habits, understanding the basics of positive money management can help you feel reassured and put you back in the driving seat.‌‌


Learn to control your money mindset‌‌

Remember: you control your money, your money doesn’t control you. This is the key to transforming your relationship with money and establishing solid financial foundations that form the basis for how you live your life. Cultivating a healthy money mindset means that, in time, you will be making powerful financial decisions on autopilot. Start by keeping a daily money planner for a month and write down what you spend, when, why and with whom.

Next, reflect on how money makes you feel. Which words or thoughts come up consistently when you think about money and most importantly why? Do you feel excited? In control? Anxious? Whatever it is, write it down.‌‌‌‌

Lastly, look for patterns or clues in your behaviour. What do you notice about your money behaviour that makes you proud? Do certain people impact you positively or negatively? Is there a spike in spending after bad news? ‌‌‌‌

The only way to make a positive lasting change is to know your starting point, identify where you’d like to get to and take micro steps that you build on incrementally to achieve your target.

Understand the difference between what you make and what you keep

Being financially free is about understanding the difference between what you earn and what you keep. Keep track of your expenses and make sure you're spending less than you're earning. This will help you make informed decisions about what to do with any disposable income, including how much you can afford to save and invest for the future. Most people who achieve financial success aren’t simply those who ‘earn lots of money’. The most financially savvy are focused as much on what they earn as what they keep.

Deferred gratification ‌‌

It's easy to get caught up in the here and now and spend money on things we want but don't need. While there’s nothing wrong with the occasional burst of spontaneity when it comes to our spending, if this becomes

4 ways being a ‘super-helper’ could be harming you

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Are you always putting others’ needs before your own, to the point where you have no time for yourself? You could be a ‘super-helper’, and it might be doing you more harm than good…

4 ways being a ‘super-helper’ could be harming you

Some of us are better at helping others than we are at looking after ourselves. Maybe this sounds familiar to you personally, or perhaps it conjures up an image of someone you know. These are the ones who are susceptible to the ‘super-helper syndrome’ – where people feel compelled to help others, but don’t look after their own needs.

And super-helpers are all around us. Most obviously you will find them in the caring professions, giving strength to our schools, clinics, care homes, and hospitals. But they are also in offices, gyms, community groups, and charities. Helping whenever and wherever they can, either at work or in their own time. They are the problem-solvers, the mediators, and the fixers, who can’t resist any opportunity to help.

But, as kind as it is to want to support others, the old adage ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ is well-known for a good reason. It’s important to spot the signs of being a super-helper early, so you can take action before you reach a state of collapse. Here, we’re sharing the four most common adverse consequences.

Exhaustion

Many helpers run on empty and take this for granted. Are you tired all the time? Do you have no time for yourself? Is your sleep disturbed? Do you suffer from muscle tension or headaches? Do you feel irritable, tetchy or just weighed down?

Resentment

Are you stretched out like an elastic band that’s eventually going to snap? It’s easy to say you don’t want anything in return for helping, but the reality is it’s hard to keep going indefinitely if you get little reward. At the very least, you deserve thanks and recognition. Do you find yourself ruminating on how much you do for others?

Exploitation

If you never express any needs, then it’s easy (and convenient, too) for other people to act as if you don’t have any, to take advantage of your help. If you give the impression you want nothing in return, you’ll often get nothing in return. That’s why it’s important to take a hard look at whether some of the people you are helping are exploiting you. Do they really need help at all? Do they need your help?

Self-criticism

It’s ironic that those who are so good at looking after others are often less kind to themselves. Helpers’ self-criticism typically operates on two levels. Do you criticise yourself for not helping enough (helper’s guilt)? Do you criticise yourself for experiencing the other three adverse impacts of the ‘super-helper syndrome’ – for feeling exhausted, resentful, or exploited?

If you are at the point where you are finding it difficult to look after your own needs, take a step back. Like everyone else, there are times when you need comfort, rest, reassurance, sustenance, or time to yourself. And if you don’t express your needs, how can anyone else know how to take

9 ways to start your week positively (and productively)

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We all get that Monday feeling. Here are nine ways you can start your week with a more positive spin, and kick your productivity into high gear

9 ways to start your week positively (and productively)

That first day back at work after your weekend. Urg. Is there anything worse? Even if you love your job (and you’re a morning person), there’s something about dragging yourself out of bed and trying to get back into the work mindset that makes a surprising percentage of us feel anxious, lethargic, and reluctant to get started.

According to one survey, nearly 62% of us dread Mondays more than any other day of the week. We feel more tired, and even spend longer complaining on a Monday, thanks to making the most of late nights, no alarm clocks and weekend lie-ins (which can throw your body clock off), not to mention over-indulging in takeaways, meals out, and alcohol (which can leave our bodies struggling to keep up).

But what if we didn’t need to start our week off with a reluctant sigh and an excessively large coffee to get through the day? What if there was a way to kickstart your week with a boost of positivity and productivity, to help you actually look forward to your week ahead?

1. Set yourself up for success

Getting your week off to the right start can take a little bit of planning – but it’s more than worth it. Take time out at the end of your last working day to create a quick-start to-do list for your first morning back. This could just be a few bullet points of urgent tasks to take a look at, a couple of notes on any outstanding emails or comms you are waiting on ready to chase up, or an outline ready to prep yourself for a morning full of meetings.

The afternoon and evening before you head back to work are just as important. Sunday night anxiety can feel like it steals precious weekend hours from us, as we lose time to doom-scrolling, give in to the temptation to get a head start on emails, or lay awake late into the night, dreading the week ahead. To avoid the negative night-before cycle, try and do something physical. Go for a long walk, cycle, or swim. Exercise can boost our mood and improve our physical health, as well helping you to physically feel ready to fall asleep that little bit earlier.

If there’s an underlying feeling of anxiety, worry or dread, don’t ignore it. Take some time to think and ask yourself: What is it that is worrying me? Is this something I can fix now? Writing things down can be a big help, and can also be handy in tracking any unhelpful patterns or habits that you may way to address.

2. Take things slowly

Just because you’ve had a couple of days off, doesn’t mean you have to come back feeling 110% and ready to go. Be kind to yourself. Take time to catch up on emails or chat with colleagues to find out more about new tasks and priorities. Work through your to-do list. If you can, schedule in some planning

Marisa Peer on why believing that you are enough can benefit your wellbeing

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How would your life be different if you truly believed that you are enough, exactly as you are right now? World renowned therapist and creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy® Marisa Peer shares why, and how, telling yourself this simple fact could change everything, for good…

Marisa Peer on why believing that you are enough can benefit your wellbeing

I’ll confess that ‘not enough’ is a statement that has peppered many of my life choices. I wasn’t qualified enough to apply for a job I once wanted, I wasn’t clever enough to sign up to a psychology course that piqued my interest, and romantically, well there were a thousand ‘not enoughs’ that built invisible, impenetrable barriers all around me throughout my 20s.

If this resonates with you in any way, then Marisa Peer’s words could well be the antidote to the ‘not enough’ epidemic that seems to impact so many of us. With more than 30 years’ experience in the field of psychotherapy and hypnotherapy, Marisa has also developed her own therapeutic approach, Rapid Transformational Therapy®, a practice that has gained global acclaim.



Having started her career working in the health and fitness industry in the 1980s, Marisa quickly realised that there was too great an emphasis on shrinking ourselves physically and mentally, rather than loving and backing ourselves. The transition from self-loathing to self-love, she now insists, stems from upgrading your self-talk, and she’s passionate about this message.

From the development of RTT® to her I Am Enough movement, Marisa is evidently on a life-long mission to help people live happier, healthier, and longer lives. So we’re grateful that she’s sharing her knowledge with Happiful, too, and how you can begin to banish the ‘not enoughs’, by taking on board these five actionable suggestions from Marisa:

Acknowledge fear of rejection, then let it pass

When we’re born on the planet, we have one need and that’s to make it, to survive. As a baby you know that you’ll survive if you can find connection and avoid rejection. As a result, we are all scared of rejection, but the truth is that, as an adult, nobody can reject you unless you give them your consent.

Do not let rejection in, let it go over your head. If it hurts, remind yourself it’s just someone’s opinion, and it doesn’t matter. Let it go. When someone says something harsh, say something nice to yourself, tell yourself that you are a good person. Remember that people can be mean, unkind, and hurtful, but critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves.

You have a choice every day, and not letting destructive criticisms in can actually change your life.


Trauma dumping: what is it, why is it bad, and how to get friends to stop trauma dumping?

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What is trauma dumping, why do some people do it, and what can you do to stop friends (and ourselves) from oversharing difficult thoughts and emotions at inappropriate times? We answer your top trauma dumping questions and share more about how you can set healthy boundaries with friends who overshare

Trauma dumping: what is it, why is it bad, and how to get friends to stop trauma dumping?

We’ve all experienced friendships where one person overshares. I know I’ve been guilty of it more than once in the past. Knowing where the boundaries lie between sharing your worries with friends and overburdening them with your troubles can be tough. For those experiencing trauma dumping first-hand from a friend, it can feel impossible to know when or even if you should speak out. After all, aren’t we all supposed to be encouraging each other to reach out when we’re worried or overwhelmed?

But friendship is supposed to be a two-way street. And no matter how much we care for our friends and family, we aren’t there to act as their personal therapists. So, what can we do when oversharing becomes overwhelming, and frequent trauma dumps start to take their toll on our mental health and emotional wellbeing?

What is trauma dumping?

The phrase trauma dumping (also called emotional dumping) is used to refer to when someone overshares typically difficult thoughts, emotions, stressful situations or traumatic experiences. This could happen frequently or at irregular intervals (though there is often a consistent pattern), and most often happens at a time that is considered inappropriate. For example, sharing intimate details of a bad breakup with a work colleague or oversharing details of a traumatic medical experience on social media without providing warnings or considering who may be reading and how it may affect them.

Over time, trauma dumping (whether with friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances or even on social media) can start to take its toll and negatively affect everyone involved. For some, this can lead to compassion fatigue, stress, burnout, and may even feel like experiencing second-hand trauma.

What’s the difference between trauma dumping and venting?

While on the surface, venting and trauma dumping can sound a little similar, they have significant differences. When you open up to someone to vent about something that is bothering you, it’s typical to wait for an opportune time. You may wait until they ask how you are, ensure that the conversation is balanced and you’re asking about how they are feeling too.

Venting typically happens in a way that is respectful of the listener’s time, feelings, and personal situation. You wouldn’t necessarily vent to a friend who’s clearly overwhelmed and needing to share themselves, you’d wait for a more appropriate time. Someone who is venting may also be open to receiving feedback, comments, or possible solutions to help with their situation.

Someone who is trauma dumping typically won’t set or listen to boundaries around the other person’s time, feelings, or needs, instead focusing on releasing their own is

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