Taking a gap year is no longer just for school-leavers or recent graduates. A ‘grown-up’ gap year can help you work out what you want in life, at any time of life

I took my first gap year when I was 19, just after sixth form. I took my second in my late 20s following a messy break-up and being made redundant. My third? My husband and I are planning to sail around the Mediterranean to celebrate a big birthday. But I’m not a permanent student or living off a trust fund; I’m part of the steadily growing trend for ‘grown-up’ gap years.

Although there are no official figures for how many of us are now taking adult gap years, a quick Google reveals the explosion of travel companies aimed at older ‘gappers’. Social media is also filled with photos and updates from older generations taking a year off. Some of us have reached a natural break in our lives, like turning 30, 40, or 50, while others are discovering there’s more to life than the standard nine-to-five.

If you’ve ever thought about taking a life break, but are put off by the thought of travelling solo surrounded by amorous A-level students, then a grown-up gap year may be exactly what you need.

Why take an adult gap year?

There are many different reasons to take a gap year. “You might get itchy feet, or start wondering if there’s something else out there,” says Gemma Nixon, a life coach from Durham, who’s also taken three grown-up gap years. “You could be getting married and decide to take a longer honeymoon before you have children, or plan to take the children travelling while they’re still little.”

Your desire for a gap year could also take you by surprise. Gemma says: “You might develop a sense that you’re not 100% content in your life, but you’re not sure why.”

For me, my first gap year felt like a natural point at which I could take time off to backpack around South East Asia, but my second was more about helping me work out where I wanted to go next in life. “A gap year doesn’t have to ‘bookend’ parts of your life, but can offer new dimensions to it,” says Gemma.

This yearning to take a different path is inspiring more of us to make the break post-pandemic. “As people have gone back into shops and offices, they realise their ‘old’ life is no longer enough,” Gemma says. “Many loved spending so much time with their family, and want to enjoy more experiences together, or they’ve decided there’s more to life and now’s the time to enjoy it.”

Others may have planned for years to take a grown-up gap year. This could be after retirement, getting the all-clear after an illness, or to celebrate a milestone event, like a significant birthday or the children leaving home.

What to do during a grown-up gap year

A gap year isn’t limited to full moon parties in Thailand, or fruit-picking in Australia – although if that sounds appealing, go for it! You could use the opportunity to explore a new career, or put more time into a

Birth anxiety is a common experience, but it doesn’t have to rule you

Birth anxiety is extremely common – thought to affect up to 80% of women, with a further 14% experiencing ‘tokophobia’, a severe fear of childbirth. And, if we take a minute to consider where this fear might come from, it doesn’t take long to come up with some hypotheses.

“When we think about the images and perceptions of birth which flood our subconscious from early childhood, it’s no wonder labour and birth are surrounded by feelings of fear and apprehension,” says Samantha Phillis, counsellor, midwife, and hypnobirthing teacher. “Women are usually portrayed as helpless, screaming in agony, relying on another person (usually a man, like a doctor or husband) to rescue them. Normal labour and childbirth are, quite frankly, not dramatic enough to make ‘good television’.”

Samantha goes on to explain how, even in supposedly ‘real’ portrayals of birth on mainstream television – One Born Every Minute being one example – what you see on the screen is likely to have been edited to ramp up the drama. “Women are usually in the ‘lithotomy’ position (on their backs with their legs in stirrups), lots of people in the room telling them to ‘PUSH’, with a lot of noise and seemingly a considerable amount of drama.”

But the consequences of this kind of culture are more sinister than simply making the whole thing look a bit unappealing.

All those stories, sometimes passed down through the generations – of births gone wrong, near-misses, emergencies, accidents, and trauma – stick with us. Those stories help to continue the cycle of fear, and that fear can become self-fulfilling.

“Physically, the effect of anxiety can actually increase how we experience pain,” Samantha explains. “When we are tense, we reduce the amount of oxygen flowing to our muscles (known as a state of hypoxia) which increases the experience of pain.”

She points to Grantly Dick-Read’s description of the ‘fear-pain-tension’ cycle in his 1921 book Childbirth Without Fear – which outlines how the more that we fear the pain of birth, the more tense we will feel and therefore the more we will experience pain. What’s more, fear can also prolong the labour, caused by the release of adrenaline when we’re frightened.

“One of the most important hormones we require for labour to progress is oxytocin,” Samantha explains. “Oxytocin is a shy hormone that needs privacy, dim lights, and for you to feel safe in order to work effectively. When adrenaline is released, oxytocin is inhibited, therefore labour will slow down or even stop if women do not feel safe.”

When it comes to tackling birth anxiety, Samantha has plenty of practical tips – including avoiding negative stories, reworking your mindset, and building support systems – but she also highlights how the key to having a more empowered and positive experience is having trust in your body and your instincts.

“We kind of ‘overthink’ birth, which can interfere with the labour process,” she explains. ȁ

Are you feeling disconnected from yourself, or lacking direction? A little introspection, and some time and space to soul-search could lead you down the pathway to you best self

Hello Happiful readers,

The thrill of knowing where you’re heading, even if you don’t know exactly how you’re going to get there, is hard to beat.

That certainty in your heart about what it beats for, what fuels your fire, and guides your spirit, can give you courage in the face of any challenge, and a quiet confidence that you know your true purpose.

But, at the moment, there seems to be a collective feeling bubbling below the surface; a sense of being lost, lacking direction, or that we’re set on a course that isn’t fulfilling us any more.

We might feel adrift in a sea of uncertainty, carried along by a current that we’re struggling to break free from.

So, how can we find our way again? And is it possible to take back control of our own destiny?

The solution could be to give ourselves the time and space to do a little soul-searching, to quench our curiosity, and explore our true needs on the ever-changing path of life.

Issue 63 of Happiful is all about that journey to figuring out your innermost needs and desires – what is your guiding star?

From taking the plunge and chasing adventure with adult gap years on p48, to growing older with joy on p17, and a guide to finding your true calling on p32, it’s time to discover what speaks to you.

Plus, this print edition includes:

• In-depth journaling pages to nurture your personal growth, and help you flourish as your best self.

• Essential life hacks from addressing ADHD in the workplace, to what to do on the really bad days, and how to find a healthy balance with news consumption.

• Professional insight from a range of experts on topics including birth anxiety, weaponised incompetence, nature therapy, and nutritious, refreshing recipes.

Don’t worry about the direction everyone else is setting sail on; follow your own intuition. Now is the moment to break free from your comfort zone, and discover the great unknown longing in your life.

As JRR Tolkien wrote: “Not all those who wander are lost.”

Sometimes, when you stray from the path, and create your own, is exactly when you find yourself.

Rebecca Thair
Editor

Get your regular Happiful delivery and never miss an issue with our range of hassle-free subscription offers. Sign up to get:

• Happiful delivered straight to your door each month
• Free postage and packaging to the UK and NI
• The magazine and it's packaging are fully recyclable
• For every tree used to create the mag, we plant two in its place
• By purchasing a print subscription, you are funding our mission to provide a digital version for fre

Do you know your love language? What about your partner's? Discover the ways you like to express and receive love, to ensure the lines of communication remain clear

No matter how much we love our partners, sometimes, it can feel like we get tongue-tied expressing it, or that we’re reading signals the wrong way. We may know that communication is key to a healthy, lasting relationship, but are you communicating in a way that matters most to your partner?

What are the five love languages?

Developed in the 1990s by author and counsellor Gary Chapman, the five love languages are a method of explaining the different ways people like to express and receive love. These include:

• Acts of service
• Physical touch
• Quality time
• Gift giving
• Words of affirmation

But can learning about our partner’s love language really help us communicate? Psychotherapist Beverley Blackman explains more.

“Learning each other’s love languages (we usually have two preferences that stand out) can help you understand your partner better,” says Beverley. “In the early days of a relationship, a person may be looking for a particular behaviour as validation that the relationship is heading in the right direction. If both partners are aware of their own and their partner’s love language, then it gives them an opportunity to understand them better.

“All love languages are important as everyone is different, and has their own way of expressing affection. It’s little acts of connection that keep a relationship balanced, respectful, and affectionate.”

In essence, our love language is the way we prefer to share how we feel about those we are close to. By learning more about your own love language, as well as the way that your partner prefers to show their love, we can begin to avoid some miscommunication and misunderstandings, as we learn to look for signs that we might have been missing.

The five love languages explained

Acts of service

Who doesn’t like it when life feels that little bit easier? If your love language is acts of service, there’s nothing you value more than when your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier. Whether it’s making you breakfast, looking after you when you’re sick, or picking up an extra task or two around the house when you’re feeling exhausted or low, you firmly believe actions speak louder than words.

Physical touch

What better way to feel close, than through getting close? Those whose love language is physical touch feel most loved when sharing physical signs of affection. This includes everything from holding hands and cuddling, through to kissing and having sex. Sharing physical touch can create a sense of intimacy that is not only affirming, but creates a powerful emotional connection, as well as a sense of warmth and comfort.

Quality time

There’s no greater gift than the gift of time. If quality time is your love language, you feel most appreciated when your partner wants to spend time with you. Active listening, eye contact, and having their full attention (without distractions of

It’s time to tear down those fences (not literally), and connect with the community next door. Here’s how you can strike up a conversation in the street, and turn good neighbours into good friends

For some, the pandemic placed an added significance to our sense of community, as we stayed close to home and people helped each other out. But still, many of us aren’t familiar with who lives on our street, or even next door, with 73% of people in the UK saying they don’t know their neighbours.

I’m a shy person, but really value connecting with others. So, recently, I’ve found myself feeling frustrated at how little I know about the people who share my street, who I see every day. If you’re in a similar boat, you might be asking: what can I do to feel more confident and start making these community connections?

Lend me some sugar

Although we may be unsure about reaching out to our neighbours, there are good reasons to give it a try. “Getting to know our neighbours has so many benefits,” explains life coach Sohaila Sophia. “Even just a simple ‘Hello’ every day can give our wellbeing a huge boost! Increased social connection supports our mental wellbeing, and decreases our rates of anxiety and depression. A sense of social connection is one of our fundamental human needs.”

Developing our relationships with our neighbours builds our sense of community, and helps us feel safer. Plus, you never know if a quick chat with someone about the weather could end up developing into a meaningful friendship, bringing with it all the joys that come with making new friends.

Knowing our neighbours increases our feeling of belonging, too, something Sohaila explains is essential to being happy and fulfilled. “When we feel part of something such as a community, we feel supported, and when we feel supported we can often cope better in life, and experience less stress and anxiety,” she says. “Feeling a sense of belonging to our community can help us to feel like we are living with more purpose and meaning. When we feel as though we are living with more purpose and meaning, we often experience less stress and depression.”

There are pragmatic advantages, too. I’d love to be able to pop next door to ask to borrow their hedge trimmer, or to know I’d have someone to turn to for help if I locked myself out, or had an emergency. With these close-knit connections can spring comfort and support.

Reach for the stars

It’s normal to feel nervous about getting to know your neighbours – I know I certainly do. So, to build your confidence, Sohaila recommends starting with small actions. Smiling or waving, or saying good morning helps to break down barriers. It also shows you’re friendly and open, and the kind of person who would be willing to pause for a chat.

Give it a go and see how your neighbours react. Don’t be disheartened if they don’t seem to acknowledge you – they could have been distracted, having a bad day, or even be taken by surprise. I must ad