As our wonderful columnist Grace Victory embarks on an exciting new chapter in her life, and pens her final column for us, she reflects on the passage of time, as well as the lessons from endings – and new beginnings

If I’ve learnt one thing in the past few years, it’s that nothing lasts forever. Whether it’s a particular feeling, trauma, a job or a friendship, sometimes things run their course, seasons change, and what we once wanted or needed, we no longer desire.

Emotions like happiness are fleeting, often depending on outside sources, and feelings like sadness can be due to weather, or hormones, or scrolling aimlessly on Twitter (we all do it LOL).

Our feelings can change so dramatically through the day that we can’t place too much attachment to them. They can transform. They end. They don’t usually last too long. And I think that’s actually a pretty beautiful thing about humanity. Difficult relationships can eventually reveal a way out and forward, we might be made redundant from a job we absolutely loathe, and childhood trauma could end when we grow into adulthood, put the work in, and heal.

Endings are the place where beginnings can start, and while refreshing and beautiful, they can often feel messy and uncomfortable – especially if, like me, you have a need to feel in control.

Life is unpredictable, and we must ebb and flow like water to become resilient to what is brought our way. This includes doors being shut in our faces, or us having the courage to slam them shut ourselves. The end of something can be a mourning period, but also a time to reflect on what’s been, how we feel, and how we’d like to move forward.

As the year draws to a close, I always feel pensive and more aware of my thoughts, especially now that I’m a mother and have overcome critical illness. You don’t come back from death (both in the physical and spiritual sense) and just pick up where you left off. Everything feels different. Everything is different. And time to re-evaluate is important.

As my maternity leave is in full swing (and by the time you read this my second-born will be here), I’m in the space of starting a new chapter. A chapter where I’m a mother of two, where I’m rediscovering parts of myself that I’ve lost, but also finding parts of myself I never knew were there, and just hitting pause so I can think, focus, and decide on what the future looks like for me. Contracts and collaborations with incredible brands are ending, and I am (for the first time) taking a long break away from work and social media. The only break I’ve had in 12 years was when I was in a coma, which doesn’t bloody count!!

I’m tired.

Tired to my core, and very much in need of taking some time out to be with my family, continue healing, and find other things – new, exciting things – that bring me contentment and joy. While happiness is so fleeting, I believe peace can be a constant, and that is something I’d like to work towards. Long gone are the days of being OK and comfortable with chaos; I need stillness and to do that, I need to cut out som

The stigma stops here. Is your workplace doing enough to become menopause friendly? Our expert columnist Claudine Thornhill investigates…

Does your workplace have a menopause policy yet? If not, one may be on its way to a workplace near you. In July 2022, the government policy paper, Menopause and the Workplace: How to enable fulfilling working lives, suggested that businesses have open conversations about the menopause in the workplace to help break down the taboo and normalise the issue. The paper also discussed the Equality Act 2010, which protects employees against discrimination at work. As a result, many employers have started to look at how they can make their workplaces more menopause-friendly.

Not many would have dreamed of a time when women’s health and work would be mentioned in the same sentence, let alone at a policy level. Periods, reproductive health issues, and menopause, have long been taboo, only to be discussed with close friends and family, and hardly ever in the workplace. But with just over 4.4 million women aged 45–60 in employment in the UK at the end of 2021, the average age of menopause being 51, and considering that symptoms of menopause can affect mental and physical health, it’s no wonder that government ministers issued a review of menopause and employment.

When we think of menopause, the typical images that come to mind are often red-faced women, glistening with sweat, desperately fanning themselves. We think of irritability, emotional rollercoasters, and mental fogginess. Actually, each person’s experience of menopause is completely unique to them.

Firstly, there are three stages of menopause; perimenopause, where progesterone levels begin to decline. Periods may become irregular and cravings, weight gain, fatigue, and irritability may increase. People may also experience night sweats. Emotionally, we may be less tolerant of stress.

The second stage, menopause, officially happens when your periods have stopped completely for 12 months. Oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone decline at this stage. Symptoms might include loss of muscle mass as a result of testosterone decline, a build-up of fat mass due to oestrogen loss, hot flushes, reduced libido, lower mood, fatigue, vaginal dryness, and mental fogginess.

The final stage, post-menopause, is what follows. During this stage, symptoms may persist for up to five years, and gradually reduce in intensity. It’s important to reiterate that every person’s experience is different; some women breeze through menopause, fanning themselves as they go, while others have symptoms that may seem unrelenting.

So, how does menopause affect employment? According to the British Menopausal Society, women have cited poor concentration and memory, tiredness, low mood, depression, and reduced confidence as affecting their work. Hot flushes at work have even been linked to women wanting to resign from their roles.

When it comes to employment law, although there isn’t protection against discrimination on the basis of menopause, the Equality Act 2010 does offer protection against discrimination on the basis of age, gender, gender reassignment, and disability. This means that a workplace

Talking about divorce can be tricky no matter what your situation. We asked experienced therapists and solicitors to answer your top questions about telling your partner you want a divorce (and how to approach things if you’re worried about your mental or physical wellbeing)

Divorce. It’s still considered a taboo subject despite how common it has become. As of 2021, the average divorce rate in the UK was 42%, with the most common causes cited as couples having drifted apart, a lack of compatibility or intimacy, money issues, infidelity, poor communication, or abuse.

As of April 2022, no faults divorces were introduced in England and Wales, meaning couples can now divorce without needing to assign fault - and can even file digitally. That means an end to the blame game and, for many, a softer way to approach the subject.

But how do you raise the topic of divorce with your partner? And how can you do so safely, if you are seeking a divorce from an emotionally abusive or narcissistic partner? We spoke to three experts to find out more.

I want a divorce. What do I do?

We spoke with Katherine Rayden, Senior Partner at Rayden Solicitors, to find out more about how you should tell your partner that you want a divorce.

“Broaching the topic of divorce with your partner is never easy, especially when the decision is made by a single party in the relationship. Some people ask their solicitors to send the first letter but the ideal way is to broach the topic directly with your partner.

“I recommend choosing your time carefully. Never sit down with your spouse just before important events such as birthdays, family gatherings or important work events. The best time is during a quiet weekend so that you can take the time to answer any questions your partner has and to discuss important next best steps for your children and family. You should also ensure that any children are not around and there are no interruptions.

“Choose your language and words carefully. You will, of course, be feeling the stress and the pressure already after countless times reevaluating whether you’re making the right decision, but, deliberating over the words you choose can put you in a stronger position psychologically. Planning the words and language you will use will help you to deliver a very clear message without any room for miscommunication.

“Using statements in the first person such as “I” when referring to the reason for your decision and your feelings can help the conversation from turning into a ‘blame game’ by using words like “you”. It can help to highlight the reason for your unhappiness in a few prepared words.”

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Teeth falling out your mouth and stumbling walks...what can our dreams tell us about ourselves? And how can we learn to interpret them?

Human’s have been searching for the meaning of dreams for a very, very long time. In fact, the Babylonian Dream Tablet offers a series of dream interpretations – including “If he carries beer in the street his heart will be glad. If he carries water in the street his sins will be forgiven” – and dates all the way back to about the 15th century B.C. Beyond that, dreams appear in everything from myths to religious texts, literature, art, and psychology, as for millennia people have tried to figure out what our nighttime creations were trying to tell us.

The latest science has some theories. In a 2021 study by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, results found that 53.5% of dreams were traced back to a memory, and nearly 50% of reports with a memory source were connected to multiple past experiences. What’s more, the study also found that 25.7% of dreams were related to specific impending events, and 37.4% of dreams about the future were also related to one or more memories of past experiences.

With that in mind, what can these dreams tell us about ourselves, and our wellbeing? Here are some clues…

A window to our minds

“I believe dreams offer us a little window into the mysteries of the psyche and subconscious mind,” says Rhian Kivits, a psychodynamic therapist and sex and relationship expert. “What’s normally unseen is able to be seen, in such a fascinating and vibrant way. I believe that when we remember our dreams, there may be something powerful to be learned from their signs and symbols through dream analysis. Perhaps a wise inner part of ourselves is speaking? If this is the case, it feels important to me to listen.”

Rhian points to how our dreams can help us to process things, something that tends to occur in REM sleep, where we have our most vivid dreams. During this time, the region of the brain responsible for functions including self-awareness, inhibition, and emotional control – known as the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex – closes down. The result is a period of time where our emotions can be explored without boundaries.

“I believe dreams help us work through and organise information about past memories and present situations that we may not have the capacity to consciously or fully process in our busy, waking lives,” Rhian explains.

“Since they can be highly detailed, colourful, and packed with emotion, dreams can make an intense impression upon us. I’ve certainly noticed that I can relate aspects of my own dreams to dilemmas in my life in an extremely helpful way. Although science can’t confirm exactly why we dream or what our dreams mean, clients who share my belief that dreams have meaning find dream analysis supportive.”

Catch feelings

When it comes to dream interpretation, there’s no rule book that can tell you a definitive answer. Instead, Rhian suggests that you should consider the feeling of the dream, and what that might tell you about your current wellbeing.

“For example, if you feel happy and excited during the dream, then I believe it could be offering a positive message of hope and expectation,” she says. “If you feel desperate and sad, perhaps youȁ

Writer, creator, campaigner, and mum-of-two Louise Pentland shares the rollercoaster ride that comes with completing a novel, and the healing, happiness, and opportunities for growth, her daughters bring to her life

“Whip it off!” bestselling author and ‘OG’ content creator Louise Pentland exclaims. It’s the hottest day of the year, and although we’re chatting over Zoom, we’re both struggling with the heat. Louise has spotted that I’m self-consciously wearing a cardigan over my sleeveless dress, and she wants me to be more comfortable. It’s the first time I’ve ever been encouraged to shed clothing during an interview, and I have to tell you, I love her for it.

A lot of people know Louise to be exactly as she is in this moment: friendly, funny, and here for the real talk about life’s ups and downs. If you’ve followed her on social media, you’ll also know that Louise is open about her mental health, and has bravely shared the childhood experiences of abuse that led her to become an active ambassador for the NSPCC.

It’s this combination of cheerleading, courage, and charisma that makes Louise such a pleasure to talk to. There’s something incredibly down-to-earth about her, and while she may have four novels under her belt, a highly successful media career, and more than 2.2 million subscribers to her YouTube channel, she’s emphatic that she still has a lot still to learn about life.

As Louise says, 2022 has been a good year for evolving, and she’s relieved that things are looking up after a tough 2021.

“I don’t know if it’s because during the pandemic everything was put on pause, including my own mental growth, but I feel as though I am having a period of coming out of myself a bit,” she says. “Last year was a bit of a bleak, low year, a bit more of a survival year, and now I feel like I’m thriving again. I’m like a sponge and I’m soaking everything up!”

Embracing her post-book publication period is just one way Louise is taking the opportunity to reflect before moving forwards. Her latest novel, the charming Time After Time, hit shelves in August, and Louise is now happily contemplating the central role that writing plays in her life.

“I think it’s being able to pour everything out on the page,” she says. “When I was little I had diaries, then I’d write in notebooks, then my blog was a continuation of that. Now I have my books.”

Keen to show that there are two sides to life as a published author, Louise tempers her enthusiasm by explaining the real process of writing novels, and where her passion truly lies.

“I love coming up with the idea, the characters, and I really like creating child characters because they are so playful,” she says. “I enjoy mapping the story out, but the hardest part is the first draft, when you have to get everything in your head out onto the paper.

“That’s when I come crashing down. I think it’s rubbish, the worst book I’ve ever written, it’s embarrassing, and I’ll have to pull the contract because I can’t send this book out into the world! Then my editor goes through it, gives me a pep talk and