If you find yourself saying ‘I can’t’ more than ‘I can’, getting clammy hands at the thought of a different direction in the workplace, or marvelling at the abilities of others around you while berating your own skills, it might be time to consider adjusting your mindset…

I’m sure I’m not the only person who, when faced with a completely new and seemingly daunting direction at work or in my personal life, feels cold fear flood through my veins. In recent months, I’ve encountered this sensation many times, as I’ve started to produce videos for Happiful – something I have very little previous experience of. As a result, my imposter syndrome, fear of failure, and discomfort, has been at an all-time high as I’ve waded through editing tutorials, tried to understand YouTube algorithms, and repeatedly faced my own image on the screen (not an easy task with a pesky inner critic ever-present on my shoulder).

“What an amazing opportunity to learn another skill!” my friend Becky says, smiling, when I tell her what I’m up to over coffee. Her response is positive, immediate, and in no way trying to mollify me, as I haven’t yet uttered the words: “It’s just so out of my comfort zone.”

I’m pleasantly taken aback and curious about the difference in our viewpoints. While trying to work on my own misgivings, I come to understand that Becky’s response (and her demeanour in general) is indicative of someone with a ‘growth mindset’, and I believe that I’m predisposed to wandering over to the ‘fixed mindset’ side of the street a bit more regularly than I’d like. So what can I do to change that, and is it even possible to?

Transformative coach Ali McNab believes that the transition from fixed to growth is indeed possible, and it all begins with an understanding of what those phrases really mean, and how they play out for us.

“This terminology was derived from the works of American psychologist Carol Dweck, who has written many books on the subject, having studied human development and personality,” Ali explains. “The theory looks at the way we believe in, or perceive, our intelligence and abilities, and the impact this has on our behaviours, and how we respond to challenges and opportunities to learn.”

Ali says that having a fixed mindset, in particular, can hold us back from evolving and expanding our skills. “With a fixed mindset we believe that our intelligence and abilities are static; we have a set amount and that’s it. We think our successes are due to a natural ability, and it can’t be grown or changed. We believe that we can either do something, or we can’t do something, and nothing can change that.”

A fear of failure, and avoidance of challenges that are outside our comfort zone, can come hand in hand with a fixed mindset, due to the fact that we might be scared of making mistakes or looking stupid. People operating from a fixed mindset may also give up more easily, see effort as pointless, and shy away from feedback.

Whether it’s starting your day at 5am, or fitting in a workout before breakfast, we’re all well-versed in the best daily habits for getting your morning off to a great start. And while the advice might be well-intended, unfortunately it’s just not always realistic for busy parents. So, how can you reinvent your morning while taking care of small humans, too?

For many parents, the morning is the most stressful part of the day – whether that’s due to a rush to drop children off at childcare, negotiating breakfast with a toddler who just threw their toast on the floor, or trying to function on a few hours of broken sleep. Establishing routines as a family is actually really important; family routines have been linked to social skills and academic success. But, with busy lives, mornings can also help you carve out some important time for the day ahead.

The sticking point is that, all too often, the suggestions we read don’t seem feasible when caring for small children. After all, how are we supposed to do a workout or make a smoothie with a two-year-old glued to our hip? The good news is there are some simple changes you can make to reinvent your morning routine as a parent – here are some of our top tips.

1. Get up before your children

We know what you’re thinking: your children already have you rising early, but, when their sleep is in a routine, try setting your alarm clock just 10 minutes before you know they’ll stir, to help start the day with calm rather than chaos. Use that time however you’d like: to make a to-do list for the day ahead; to catch up on the news; to have a shower in peace; or to finally drink a cup of tea before it gets cold.

“If you can create some time for yourself to wake up before your children, then that’s great and can be really helpful,” says psychotherapist Sophie Harris. “However, there will likely be many times that this doesn’t happen for various factors. If this is the case, don’t beat yourself up.”

2. Get the kids involved

Many things on our morning to-do list don’t seem achievable when looking after children, leading us to start our day with a feeling of missing out. But can you get the kids involved? If you’re determined to start the day with exercise, there are workouts that can be done safely when wearing your baby or, for toddlers and preschoolers, head to YouTube – they’ll love the Hey Duggee Joe Wicks series, which means you can exercise alongside them while they burn off energy. This can apply for other things too; get the whole family out to walk the dog or, for slightly older children, involve them in simple chores and making breakfast.

3. Prep the night before

“If you have somewhere to be, organise your things the night before where possible,” Sophie suggests. “This can help reduce the overwhelming feeling that may come from busy mornings.”

Of course, when the house is finally quiet, the last thing you want to do is delve into chores

Taking a gap year is no longer just for school-leavers or recent graduates. A ‘grown-up’ gap year can help you work out what you want in life, at any time of life

I took my first gap year when I was 19, just after sixth form. I took my second in my late 20s following a messy break-up and being made redundant. My third? My husband and I are planning to sail around the Mediterranean to celebrate a big birthday. But I’m not a permanent student or living off a trust fund; I’m part of the steadily growing trend for ‘grown-up’ gap years.

Although there are no official figures for how many of us are now taking adult gap years, a quick Google reveals the explosion of travel companies aimed at older ‘gappers’. Social media is also filled with photos and updates from older generations taking a year off. Some of us have reached a natural break in our lives, like turning 30, 40, or 50, while others are discovering there’s more to life than the standard nine-to-five.

If you’ve ever thought about taking a life break, but are put off by the thought of travelling solo surrounded by amorous A-level students, then a grown-up gap year may be exactly what you need.

Why take an adult gap year?

There are many different reasons to take a gap year. “You might get itchy feet, or start wondering if there’s something else out there,” says Gemma Nixon, a life coach from Durham, who’s also taken three grown-up gap years. “You could be getting married and decide to take a longer honeymoon before you have children, or plan to take the children travelling while they’re still little.”

Your desire for a gap year could also take you by surprise. Gemma says: “You might develop a sense that you’re not 100% content in your life, but you’re not sure why.”

For me, my first gap year felt like a natural point at which I could take time off to backpack around South East Asia, but my second was more about helping me work out where I wanted to go next in life. “A gap year doesn’t have to ‘bookend’ parts of your life, but can offer new dimensions to it,” says Gemma.

This yearning to take a different path is inspiring more of us to make the break post-pandemic. “As people have gone back into shops and offices, they realise their ‘old’ life is no longer enough,” Gemma says. “Many loved spending so much time with their family, and want to enjoy more experiences together, or they’ve decided there’s more to life and now’s the time to enjoy it.”

Others may have planned for years to take a grown-up gap year. This could be after retirement, getting the all-clear after an illness, or to celebrate a milestone event, like a significant birthday or the children leaving home.

What to do during a grown-up gap year

A gap year isn’t limited to full moon parties in Thailand, or fruit-picking in Australia – although if that sounds appealing, go for it! You could use the opportunity to explore a new career, or put more time into a

Spot the sneaky excuse that can lead to relationship inequality

It’s fair to say that things like household chores and daily responsibilities aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. That said, what needs to be done, has to get done. But, sometimes, people have sneaky ways of avoiding those responsibilities – and it might be flying under the radar, until now.

‘Weaponised incompetence’ is used to describe a scenario where one person leads another to believe they are bad at a task, in order to get out of doing it altogether. The key thing here is that they’re feigning the incompetence, and it’s likely to be related to unappealing or tricky chores – think using the washing machine, navigating a GP’s booking system, or doing a child’s hair before school – so that someone else has to pick it up. This dynamic can happen in many different ways, but it’s particularly prevalent in long-term relationships.

“Weaponised incompetence can be considered a psychological game played by many couples, to varying degrees,” explains Hannah Beckett-Pratt, a transactional analysis counsellor. “A psychological game is where both partners play out a certain sequence of behaviours together, that repeat patterns with which they have become familiar. This happens outside of conscious awareness, so we usually do not notice we have been playing the game until we wind up with the same end result.”

Hannah points out that the partner on the receiving end of the weaponised incompetence can often end up feeling as though they know best, or are more competent, and so do the task – but at the same time feel hard done by and confused. This feeling of frustration is usually what then drives them to complete the task they really want their partner to do, and so the cycle repeats.

“If we are playing the other side – resorting to manipulating our partner into doing something for us because we ‘can’t’ – we are victimising ourselves, and will likely feel guilty, powerless, and inadequate,” Hannah adds. “It can appear that the partner weaponising their incompetence is only affected in beneficial ways, but actually, these behaviours are reinforcing their own helplessness, and also driving a wedge between them and their partner.”

Hannah explains that this behaviour might stem from low self-esteem, difficulty with boundaries and control, or could perhaps be a leftover tool of getting out of boring chores in childhood. Alternatively, she points out that they might be overcommitted in other areas of their lives, but find it hard to communicate that directly.

“Whatever the reasons underling the game of weaponised incompetence, neither partner is acting as an autonomous adult, responsible for their own needs,” Hannah concludes. “Instead, partners engage in a battle for who can control the other one, without directly stating what they really want, or do not want, to do.”

Weaponised incompetence lays the foundations for an unequal relationship. So, what can you do to address this? The answer is rooted in communication, and Hannah has some tips for navigating it.

“When it comes to conflict within a relationship, I love the analogy of being on the ‘same page’ as our partner,” she exp

We share 12 of Reddit’s greatest mental health and wellbeing communities to help you make connections, find advice, and discover new ways you can put your mental health and wellbeing first

We all know the golden rule when it comes to your health and the internet: do not google your symptoms. But if you’re one of the one in six people in the UK who have struggled with your mental health in the past week, finding others we can make a connection with in real life can feel like a struggle.

Online communities can provide a sense of belonging, validation that you are not alone in your struggles, and encouragement to find new ways to access help and make positive changes, often while providing a safe space to vent.

What is Reddit?

Reddit is one of the biggest social media platforms online. Called ‘the front page of the internet,’ over 430 million of us flock to the website and app every month. But what is it about Reddit that keeps so many of us coming back for more?

Divided into individual ‘subreddits’, the platform’s 52 million daily users can easily access communities dedicated to everything from cute photos of puppies and kittens that make you go aww (r/aww) to the latest world news (r/worldnews). Each subreddit has its own individual rules, guidelines for posting, and specific aims. Some seek to spread a little moment of joy (r/mademesmile) while others look to shock and surprise (r/unexpected). No matter what your individual hobby is, niche interest, or issue (big or small) you’re looking to debate about, there is almost certainly a subreddit about that.

Through their individual subreddits, users have carved out a real sense of community, sharing personal experiences, life advice, adventures, personal wins and heartbreaking losses. There are communities devoted to restoring old and damaged photos (r/photorestore) often of lost loved ones for free, and other communities who edit and animate birds to have human arms (r/birdswitharms). Whether you’re looking to laugh, cry, or find a compassionate ear to listen, you’re going to find it somewhere on Reddit.

6 subreddits for mental health

r/MentalHealthUK

Dedicated to providing support, resources, and mental health related news for those in the UK, r/MentalHealthUK isn’t affiliated with any specific charities, organisations, or businesses. Providing a space where individuals can talk about their ill mental health, seek out advice on how to access support, and share their progress (whether that’s feeling more positive after reading self-help books, or getting the referral that they’ve been waiting for).

It is important to note that, unlike many other mental health-related subreddits, the posts in th