Whether it's a physical or mental space, discover your own personal sanctuary and take a moment to retreat

In 2021, researchers from the University of Oxford had a breakthrough. The culmination of 15 years of research and clinical practice, they trialed a new way of treating patients with psychosis: The Feeling Safe Programme. Working on the basis that fear can exacerbate persecutory delusions and lead to behaviour that isolates and ostracises people, the programme helps people develop new memories of safety – and it works. The trial found that the Feeling Safe Programme was the most effective treatment for persecutory delusions, rising above other treatments, such as befriending and CBT.

And it makes sense. The desire to feel safe and sheltered has been around since the first caveman headed into the rocks, and today that right to shelter is set in stone under Article 25 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

For many, ‘shelter’ is more than just four walls, and the places that give us that sense of safety don’t just protect us from the elements, they take us away from everyday stresses, pressures to perform, angst, noise, and daily demands. More than just a shelter, spaces become a ‘sanctuary’.

Our own personal sanctuaries will look and feel completely different, they might be within four walls, or they might have none at all. But for all their many shapes and sizes, they each have one thing in common, and that’s the way they make us feel.

Higher ground

“I am a big fan of treehouses, from the most basic attempts by the youngest of hands to the full-on, flashy, luxury kind,” Chloe Barry, an art psychotherapist and nature-inspired therapist, shares as she reflects on the sanctuary she had as a child. “Even though the treehouse of my youth was very basic, it was my refuge, a little place accommodated by nature that held me protectively within its branches.”

Chloe’s treehouse was essentially a few planks of woods nestled between two conifer trees in the back garden of her family home, yet it still felt incredibly significant – crucially, she says, because the climb up the tree was a little too awkward for ‘big people’.

“The treehouse offered me the ultimate sanctuary, which was an opportunity to be alone without feeling alone,” Chloe says. “I feel like a treehouse is perfectly poised to hold this ambiguous need of mine in balance, as it feels like you enter another world where the human humdrum is quietened, yet the sounds of nature are there for you.”

These days, Chloe has taken what she learnt about environments that feel safe and welcoming, and created the Treehouse Art Studio – a beautiful treehouse, built by her husband, designed to host art therapy sessions. As she sees it, the space is a vital part of what makes those sessions so impactful.

“In some ways, simply moving from ground level to treetop level has a subtle psychological impact, in that it implies a shift toward new ways of understanding ourselves,” she says. “It also helps that the treehouse art studio is nestled between a lovely sweet chestnut tree on one side and an oak tree on the other, while other trees nearby all add to that sense of retreating into nature.”

Chloe

Psychotherapist, author, podcast host, and mum-of-three Anna Mathur shares how negative comparison can so easily creep into our lives, but with some self-compassion and awareness, we can see the bigger picture

How many times have you found yourself scrolling through social media and sensing the crushing weight of comparison? You might be taking a five-minute break from work, while everyone else seems to be living their #bestlife, jetting off on holiday, or preparing homemade picnics for a blissful afternoon, while you’ve just spent the entire morning scrubbing porridge off the wall from a breakfast mishap.

It’s a universal truth that each and every one of us will fall foul of the comparison cloud at some point in our lives, as psychotherapist Anna Mathur explains on Happiful’s podcast, ‘I am. I have’. And she’s more than willing to share how it impacts her, too.

“Comparison turns up in so many different areas of my life,” she says. “It’s a constant dialogue I have to have with myself, and if I don’t it can just run riot!”

However, Anna is quick to explain that comparison is not a wholly negative behaviour.

“Comparison in and of itself is a self-protective force,” she notes. “Comparison can help us to judge if perhaps we could do something better; we might look at someone else’s situation and realise that there’s something we want to be doing, and it drives us forward and motivates us to go after that for ourselves, if it’s something positive.

“And if you look back to caveman days, comparison kept people safe then,” she continues. “You might have realised that you weren’t as strong as another person, so they would be the better bet for hunting and gathering. Comparison can be about assessing ability, so that everyone is using their strengths and resources in the best way.”

Thinking about comparison in this light could certainly help us to question why we are comparing, what we’re taking away from the act, and why it’s necessary for us in that moment. Curiosity around why a particular person’s situation makes us reflect upon our own life could lead to some insights as to how we’re coping, where we might feel stuck, want to grow, or indeed need help from others.

So, how do we determine when comparison is leading us to take stock of where we are and want to be, and when it’s simply become a stick to beat ourselves with?

“Comparison becomes problematic, and this is something I personally struggle with, when I use the difference between me and someone else to make a statement about myself,” Anna admits.

“Say I’ve had a really rough morning with the kids, and I’ve not responded in a way I feel particularly proud of, and then I go shopping and I see a mum being so incredibly patient with her toddler having a tantrum. What happens in my brain is very, very quick: ‘She’s a better mum than me. I’m a rubbish mum. I’m a failure.’

“In a split second, I’ve made two incredibly powerful statements about myself: being a rubbish mum, and a failure. Can you imagine going up to another woman and sayi

We share everything you need to know about period poverty, where you can find free period products, and how you can support great organisations helping those in need

Periods. Nobody enjoys them. For people who menstruate, we can expect around 40 years worth of visits from aunt flow, expecting to spend around £5,000 on sanitary products. But with such varying experiences of menstruation (periods lasting anywhere from two to seven days on average, every 21 to 35 days in a typical cycle), it’s not only our physical experience that differs from person to person: it’s whether or not we can afford period products every month.

Scotland became the first country in the world from 15 August 2022 to provide free period products to everyone who needs them. It made us ask: how common is period poverty? What can we do if we’re experiencing financial difficulties and need access to free menstrual products? And how can we all help support accessible sanitary products for people who menstruate?

What is period poverty (and how common is it?)

The term ‘period poverty’ refers to problems or a lack of access to period products (pads, tampons, menstrual cups) due to the financial cost. This can impact girls, women, nonbinary individuals, and trans men, at any point in their lives.

The knock-on impact can be missed time at school, college or university; job insecurity due to missed days at work; as well as negatively impacting their sense of wellbeing and social connection. Some people may experience feelings of shame or self-blame, as they may feel embarrassed at their financial situation, or that it’s ‘their fault’ they cannot afford access to necessary sanitary products.

A report released in 2022 by Plan International UK revealed that more and more young people are struggling to afford period products. One in four (28%) of those who menstruate aged 14 to 21 struggle to afford period products, while nearly one in five (19%) have been unable to afford any period products since the start of 2022. One in 10 use food bands to access free period products. It’s not just young people who are struggling. Water Aid revealed that nearly one in four (24%) of those aged 14-50 who menstruate have struggled to afford sanitary products in the last year.

Results of a survey released in 2017 by Plan International UK revealed that one in 10 girls cannot afford sanitary products. One in seven have had to ask to borrow sanitary items from a friend due to the cost. One in 10 have had to improvise sanitary wear.

In the UK alone, it’s estimated that 137,000 children have missed school due to period poverty. While some small steps have been made forward, such as the removal of the 5% tampon tax in the UK from the start of 2021 (previously, 5% VAT was added to sanitary products), many are still relying on foodbanks, charities, and educational institutes to provide access to free sanitary products.

Period poverty can affect people at any age, and is not always income-based. Those leaving situations of domestic vi

What is it, how does it affect the diverse groups within the LGBTQIA+ community, and, importantly, what can we do about it?

Talking about mental health is never easy, but it seems harder to break the stigma when it comes to LGBTQIA+ people. As the artist and writer Alok Vaid-Menon wrote in their blog article “Impossibility of gender non-conforming life”, there are so many words to describe the physical violence that happens to the LGBTQIA+ community every day, but many fewer words, and less attention, on the psychological aspect of being queer.

It’s only relatively recently that organisations and researchers have focused on the wellbeing of the LGBTQIA+ community, publishing reports that reveal shocking and alarming data.

For example, NHS Digital’s first report on the health behaviours of lesbian, gay, and bisexual adults was only published in 2021, and showed that LGB adults have worse mental health, and poorer health outcomes, than heterosexual people, and are more likely to indulge in harmful behaviours, such as drinking or smoking at levels that may put them at risk.

According to a report published by Stonewall and YouGov in 2018, 52% of LGBTQIA+ British people said they had experienced depression in the previous year, 46% of transgender people had thought about taking their own life, and 41% of non-binary people had harmed themselves.

Further 2019 research by the organisations revealed that bi people reported experiencing depression even more than gay and lesbian people.

The researchers say this is due to the environment and the society we live in, where not only physical and psychological abuse against the LGBTQIA+ community happens every day, but also the threat and fear of discrimination itself can have a significant impact on mental health. This phenomenon is called ‘minority stress’.

What is minority stress?

Dr Sara Colognesi, a psychologist and psychotherapist, explains: “Several social and psychological theoretical orientations describe the concept of minority stress as a relationship between minority and dominant values, and the resultant conflict with the social environment experienced by minority group members.”

She continues: “This theory suggests that sexual minority health disparities can be explained in large part by stressors induced by a homophobic and hostile culture, which often results in a lifetime of harassment, maltreatment, and discrimination, and may ultimately impact access to care.”

Coined by Dr Winn Kelly Brooks, and mentioned for the first time in her book Minority Stress and Lesbian Women in 1981, minority stress theory has been studied by many researchers over the years. For example, psychiatric epidemiologist Professor Ilan H Meyer explained in 2007 how stigma and fear of discrimination may generate psychological distress in queer people.

As Dr Colognesi explains: “The most common manifestations of suffering from minority stress are experiences of prejudice and microaggressions, expectations of rejection, hiding, concealing, internalised homophobia, hypervigilance, and experience of chronic shame, and this may lead to the development of disorders commonly associated with chronic stress, depression, and PTSD symptoms.”

The consequences of

We all could do with a good break, but holidaying with little ones can be a challenge in itself. So, if the thought of some time away with a toddler is leaving you stressed, our columnist Grace Victory is here to share some first-hand tips and relatable advice to help you enjoy making some magical memories together

Ah, the sheer joy (and chaos) of going on holiday with your toddler. As a family, we just got back from our first sunny holiday to Turkey and, after not travelling for two years, it was bloody wonderful to put our toes in the sea, eat Lays with a Fanta on the balcony, and chase our little boy around a pool all day, because he’s a lightning-speed crawler!

Going on holiday with children is a completely different experience, and one that you have to embrace and surrender to. You won’t necessarily be able to sit on a lounger reading for hours, but making memories and showing them little corners of the world makes everything worthwhile.

Our trip was… intense! When people say “going on holiday is just parenting while being hot”, they are absolutely right. My partner and I had to tag-team mealtimes, de-escalate mini meltdowns in front of other holiday-goers, and, yes, there were moments we felt embarrassed and as if everyone must think we’re bad parents. Truth be told though, Cyprus found his voice on our holiday, and wanted to use it to shout at every opportunity – but that’s just kids, and while it can be hard when you feel like you can’t control a situation, it is absolutely normal for children to test your boundaries, even when you’re in paradise.

So, what I’m trying to say is going abroad with your little ones in tow is hard, but there are ways to manage, things I recommend for the plane, and little tips and tricks we did to minimise stress.

On the plane

Take lots of games and things to keep your kids entertained. Reusable sticker books, suction toys to stick on the window, their most loved book, and a tablet to watch their favourite shows (remember to download episodes at home so they can watch without WiFi).

I also recommend snacks upon snacks upon snacks. When you think you’ve packed enough snacks, pack more. I opted for crisps, cut up pieces of fruit, and then some trusty Ella’s Kitchen pouches. And we fed our little boy a proper meal before the flight to make sure he was full enough for the four hours we were in the air.

Use packing cubes for your hand luggage to separate changing stuff, feeding stuff, important documents etc., so you have easy access to things! Don’t forget to pack spare outfits for both your kids and you in case any accidents occur. There is nothing worse than being covered in sick, and you haven’t packed a fresh pair of leggings.

On holiday

It goes without saying that children shouldn’t be in the sun for long periods of time, so taking a UV pop-up tent with you is a great idea! You can