When it comes to climaxing, why are heterosexual women drawing the short straw?

Do you remember the last time you orgasmed during sex? According to research, if you’re a woman in a heterosexual relationship, this question may leave you scratching your head. This is thanks to ‘the orgasm gap’ – a term that has been coined to describe the discrepancies in orgasms during sex.

Now, orgasms alone don’t define satisfying sex, but there’s no denying that orgasm for those with vaginas tends to be less prioritised. One study into the orgasm gap by the International Academy of Sex Research found that 95% of heterosexual men usually orgasm during sex compared to just 65% of heterosexual women. Other studies concur, with the gap widening during one-night stands compared to sex in a long-term relationship.

So, what’s happening here?

“The two main things to look at with the orgasm gap are what’s happening physically, and what’s happening contextually/psychologically,” sex and relationship therapist Tabitha Bast explains. “Sex is often seen just as PIV (penis in vagina) sex in heterosexual encounters, which, for many women who need clitoral stimulation either directly or indirectly, literally doesn’t hit the spot. When we dismiss everything else as foreplay, we end up rushing through a whole smorgasbord of pleasure.”

With so many of us seeing penetration as the ‘main event’, we can easily dismiss other acts with potential for pleasure. This is a cultural issue, and we only have to look at mainstream media to notice it. When did you last see a sex scene where a person with a vagina climaxed outside of penetration? Recognising that sex can encompass a range of activites could be a big step forward.

Noting the numbers regarding orgasms during one-night stands, Tabitha says: “Orgasm is about the brain, not just the body! If you don’t trust the person you’re naked with, that’s a massive barrier to pleasure. Saying that, an end to violence against women and girls would be the most useful move for closing the orgasm gap: there needs to be enough safety for everyone to take fun risks together.”

There are certainly wider societal issues that need to be addressed, but is there anything we can do on an individual level?

“Women knowing about their own bodies is a good start, and men knowing about women’s bodies is a good second start,” says Tabitha.

Educating ourselves about anatomy, and the clitorus in particular, can help us understand what feels good for those who need this type of stimulation to orgasm. Not sure where to start? We love Kama, an app with an inclusive approach to sex education that has pleasure at its heart.

Communication is another tool to utilise, according to Tabitha. Not just about what feels good and what doesn’t, but being honest about how we’re feeling.

“If people are trying to fake being super cool and confident when they’re actually unsure and anxious, that’s not conducive to good sex,” Tabitha says.

“There’s an unhelpful myth that men should automatically know how to please their partners, and actually how one person orgasms is not the same as

Aloha friends! Happy Friday to you all. I hope you’re having a lovely morning and have a fun and relaxing weekend ahead. After a rough couple of weeks, I’m on the way to Hawaii with the crew! SO ready to be on the beach with a shaved ice in hand. I’ll definitely be sharing a recap of our trip and will post some of the adventures on IG stories.

(I have zero pics from this week but here’s one from our last trip to Hawaii! Liv was tiny and P was in my belly.)

It’s time for the Friday Faves party! This is where I share some of my favorite finds from the week and around the web. I always love to hear about your faves, too, so please shout out something you’re loving in the comments section below.

Read, watch, listen:

A new season of Never Have I Ever is on the way and I’m SO pumped.

A cast recording of the Music Man with Hugh Jackman and Sutton Foster?? Blessed.

Simplify for happiness.

How to do anything.

Fitness + good eats:

If you’ve been wanting to try Fit Team but aren’t sure about committing to a subscription, you can get a copy of our August workout plan here! This month’s focus is endurance, so think pulsing movements, higher reps, and spicy isometric holds. Each workout has a video tutorial with demos and modifications.

It’s not a subscription and you can try out the workouts and see how you like them. 🙂 (Please keep in mind that monthly members get access to our online platform and all of the bonuses, including live workouts, follow-along videos, playlists, recipes, calls with health experts, etc.) Get your August plan here so you’re ready to rock and roll on Monday!

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From groundbreaking studies to ordinary people doing extraordinary things, we're rounding up the good news stories that you might not have heard about

1. Employees clock on to the importance of mental health

Scan any job listing these days and you’ll usually find a list of employee benefits, chosen to convince you that this company is where you want to be. The day off on your birthday, summer hours, and subsidised canteens are all tempting but, apparently, they don’t top the wish lists of job-seekers.

A study by Easy Offices looked at the most popular employee benefits, and found that companies that were taking the mental health of their employees seriously had a significant advantage over those that weren’t.

Virtual counselling topped the list of most popular benefits, followed by insurance to help cover the cost of mental health treatment, virtual support groups, tools to build mindfulness and resilience, and training on how to help others with mental health problems.

The study also tracked an increase in the number of companies embracing employee assistance programmes. That said, a recent YouGov poll found that only 57% of employees knew about benefits schemes at their work.

So, do you know what’s on the table at your organisation? With demand for wellbeing benefits rising, it’s safe to say that these kinds of perks are more than just a passing trend, and working on your mental health could be an inside job.

2. Dutch start-up Lightyear has developed the first solar-powered electric car, which it hopes to release this year!

3. Plastic-free paradise on the horizon

In some great eco news, it’s been reported that plastic waste on Australian beaches has reduced by 30% in the past six years. This rapid pace of positive change is due to initiatives by local councils, including extra bins, notices reminding people not to litter, and a hotline dedicated to reporting illegal waste dumping. This is a clear sign that we can all clear up our acts – and beaches.

4. A Yorkshire-based business, Banana Moon, has released the world’s first ‘anxiety hoody’

Created with the intention to provide sensory relief to wearers, the hoody features chewable toggles, a fidget popper, and weighted pockets, helping to redirect anxious energy, and move you from fight-or-flight to rest mode.

5. New research shows a ‘substantially faster’ way of gaining knowledge

If there was a way to supercharge your ability to learn, would you take it? According to a new study published in the Journal of Psychological Science, there may, in fact, be a way to ensure that we are more ‘ready to learn’ before we explicitly try to tackle something new.

Vladimir Sloutsky, study co-author and p

Crispy onions, tender potatoes, fresh bell peppers, and mushrooms create a mouthwatering hash that is hearty and filling for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

I made this skillet with bacon, but that could be skipped for a vegetarian option; just use a tablespoon or so of oil in its place.

Topped with an egg, this was a delicious meal that the whole family enjoyed. The leftovers keep well in the refrigerator as well. Simply toss them in a hot skillet and reheat when ready to serve them.

My family loves a hearty hash skillet pretty much any time of day. We eat them often for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Sausage Hash with Cabbage, Beans, and Potatoes or Corned Beef Hash are terrific ways to use leftovers from the fridge to make a killer meal.

Pork Carnitas Hash is a must make every time we have carnitas in the house. Looking for a vegan option? This Vegan Breakfast Hash looks absolutely delicious too.

Kitchen Tip: This skillet works great for this recipe.

Crispy Breakfast Hash

1. In a large skillet, over medium-high heat, cook the bacon and then drain on a paper towel. Drain the grease from the skillet, leaving just a teaspoon or two in the pan.
2. Add the onion to the pan and cook for a few minutes, until it has softened. Add the potatoes to the skillet, season with 1 teaspoon salt and 1/2 teaspoon pepper, and then stir. Press into the bottom of the pan and let cook undisturb

Knowing what we’re willing to share, who has access to our inner circle, and when questions are crossing the line is one thing, but expressing it effectively is another. Here, we’re exploring how to set and maintain healthy boundaries

Boundaries are how we teach the world to treat us. They are all about what is and isn’t acceptable, and draw the line between who we are, and who the world wants us to be.

Particularly when interacting with another human who has different priorities, needs, and desires, boundaries are crucial in order to not blend into each other, and to be able to separate what they want from what we need. When we are unable to do that, this is when codependency, enmeshment, and simple confusion can occur. We lose sight of who we are, and our own identity when our daily decisions are formed by what others are asking of us.

When we lack confidence, it is tempting to cave to everyone around us, as we might be insecure that if we don’t, we will lose the people in our lives. This is why the easiest and simplest boundary, the one we first learn, is actually quite a hard word to say: no. When we are able to use our no accurately, our yes becomes more powerful.

Unfortunately, when we say no though, it can be inconvenient to others, and if you don’t stand behind your no, you leave yourself vulnerable to change your mind simply to make things easier for them. It can be really upsetting when people only want you around for what you can do for them, but, over time, you will reap the benefits of boundary setting. You will have more time and energy, you can say goodbye to burnout, and all the anger and resentment you are keeping inside you every time one of your boundaries is crossed can finally be relieved.

Here, we’re sharing some essential tips on how you can implement and maintain healthy boundaries in the three main relationship areas of your life.

Family relationships

One of the biggest complaints I hear about family relationships is that family members feel entitled to their opinions about your life, your job, your romantic relationships, and your body. How you can create a boundary around this is by limiting the information they have access to. This can be by stating: “I’m not ready to share that with you yet, but I’ll let you know when I am ready.” If they don’t know, they can’t have an opinion about it.

But, what if it’s too late and they already know? Then try saying: “I have already made my decision, and your opinions are not needed. I would appreciate it if you could be supportive.”

When it comes to conversations about your body, I encourage you to be firmer. Your body should never be up for discussion at a family event, and we need to stop normalising everyone commenting on changes in our appearance. In those situations, I simply state: “Please stop commenting on my body.” If this persists, I then say: “If you continue talking about my body, I am going to leave this conversation, and you can come find me when you are ready to talk about something else.”

Friendships

In my book, The Joy of Being Selfish, I explain that it is OK to have different