What can the imperfections found in nature teach us about our own lives?

On the expansive grounds of Blenheim Palace, Oxfordshire, there stands a very unusual tree. The cedar was first planted when Capability Brown re-modelled the landscaped gardens between 1763 and 1774, and it’s still there today, overlooking the lakes and the palace beyond.

The tree attracts a lot of attention because it appears to be a fluke of nature. It’s held up by cables attached to nearby trees, its branches crooked and serpentine, and the 20ft diameter trunk is almost entirely hollow. It’s odd, and imperfect, yet visitors flock to it, season after season, because there’s something beautiful about it.

The Japanese have a phrase for the feeling this evokes: wabi-sabi. A world-view that learns from the imperfect beauty of nature, appreciates the passage of time, and accepts all things in their incomplete and impermanent forms.

Wabi-sabi has its origins in Taoism, between 960–1279, and then was adopted by Zen Buddhism. ‘Wabi’ roughly translates to ‘the elegant beauty of humble simplicity’, and ‘sabi’ means ‘the passing of time and subsequent deterioration’. Explained this way, there’s an undeniably melancholic feeling at the heart of wabi-sabi, just like the hollow tree at Blenheim, but the acceptance and appreciation of transience and imperfection can be empowering, especially in 2022.

“Perfection is an unattainable goal, and its pursuit can lead to feelings of inferiority and shame as we effectively never ‘measure up’,” says life coach Louise Bradshaw. “The stress caused by not achieving perfection, or pushing ourselves to our absolute limits, can lead to burnout, low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.”

We see this kind of thing presented to us constantly, on TV, social media, and in adverts trying to convince us that we can buy our way to a perfect life. But, for many, the pursuit of perfection starts much earlier.

“The roots of perfectionism can be traced back to childhood – beliefs about ourselves and our worth are developed in those formative years,” Louise explains. “If the message that we receive is that we are ‘less than’ in some way, then we may well develop perfectionism as a means to prove our worth. Equally, if we experience unrealistic expectations growing up, or are subjected to excessive praise, we may feel the need to achieve perfection in order to maintain these conditions.”

These days, many of us are trying our best to be conscious about our impact on the Earth – one key part of that being to reuse and recycle things, to repair what has become worn or broken before swapping it for a newer model. When it comes to nature, we can observe how things weather over time, how living things grow, bloom, and wilt, how they respond to sustenance, and how each example is entirely unique. So, if we can be so forgiving and accepting of the world around us, isn’t it about time we did the same for ourselves?

“In order to unlearn perfectionism, we must first understand the feeling or core belief about ourselves that we are trying to avoid,” Louise says. &#x

HI friends! Happy Friday and hellooooooo from the Great Wolf Lodge. We were originally supposed to be on the way to NYC – there were a lot of reasons for canceling, but decided to do a Disney cruise in January instead – and ended up doing a little fall break staycation at GWL. The kids LOVE it here and are at the perfect ages to enjoy everything they have to offer. I think this is our fourth trip and we’ve had a blast each time.

Other than Great Wolf Lodge, the kids have a birthday party, friend/family dinner, and I’m getting everything ready to start the Dr. Cabral detox on Monday.

I will definitely share more about my experience! If you want to join, you can still order here and use FITNESSISTA20 for 20% off. They ship very quickly and you can start whenever you receive your goodies.

I’d love to hear what you’re up to this weekend! I hope you have a relaxing and lovely one ahead.

It’s time for the weekly Friday Faves party. This is where I share some of my favorite finds from the week and around the web. I always love to hear about your faves, too, so please shout out something you’re loving in the comments section below.

Friday Faves

Random:

Six! Season tickets for Broadway in Tucson were my Mother’s Day gift, and it’s already one my favorite gifts. I love having shows to look forward to all year!

I took madre with me to see Six on opening night and it.was.everything. I had no clue what to expect and was blown away! It’s unlike traditional musicals, as there are no set or costume changes. The six performers are onstage with the band the entire time, and it has like a concert vibe to it. It still has an amazing plot, deep moments, lots of comic relief, and the entire audience was clapping, cheering, and fully enjoying themselves.

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This kind of content is rife on social media, but what’s the impact?

If you’ve ever taken a peek into the world of online fitness content, you’ve almost certainly come across ‘before and after’ body transformation pictures and videos. They could be there to sell you a fitness program, a diet supplement, or simply be a record of someone’s experience. But, despite their commonality, a new study from ASICS has uncovered the impact that this kind of content is having on our mental health.

In their survey, 48% of respondents reported feeling insecure about their bodies after seeing exercise transformation pictures. A staggering 82% of women surveyed (and 73% of Brits overall) believe that society’s obsession with the perfect body is damaging our mental health, and 80% say that they go on to feel unmotivated to exercise after seeing transformation imagery – a sentiment that is at odds with the ‘inspirational’ tone this content often adopts.

Supported by a host of celebrities, including Dr Alex George, Jada Sezer, and Motsi Mabuse, ASICS has launched a campaign to disrupt the ‘before and after’ format, and shift the focus to the ways that exercise can transform our mental health.

Following a roundtable discussion, in a series of images, the celebrities are pictured before and after doing 15 minutes and nine seconds of exercise – the length of time it takes to feel the benefit of exercise on our minds. Predictably, there is no dramatic transformation in their bodies, with the goal of the series to illustrate the ‘hidden’ benefits of an active lifestyle.

“I have been on a real journey with exercise and the reasons why I do it. When I was younger, I really used exercise as a weapon, to try and look thin, to look a certain way,” says Dr Alex George. “When I went on Love Island a few years later, I was over-training, and it wasn’t good for my mental health. Now, I’ve changed the way I view exercise and it’s really helped my mental health. I move for my mind, rather than to look a certain way.”

In a move taken following the research, ASICS EMEA has committed to not posting exercise transformation images on its social media channels, with the support of the ASICS Front Runner community, who will only share images that reflect the powerful mental and emotional impact of exercise.

Hayley Jarvis, head of physical activity at the charity Mind, echoes the importance of adopting a new approach to exercise: “Mind is a firm believer in the power of movement, however small, to support better mental health,” she says.

“Our aim is to support more people to get active to help them to thrive. Our own research shows that many people are put off exercising because they feel self-conscious. The more we can do to remove the barriers to people enjoying the benefits of exercise, the better.”

This is a sweet and spicy homemade bbq sauce with just enough heat to linger in your mouth. I’ve been slathering this sauce on darn near everything in my kitchen for a few weeks now!

Sweet and Spicy BBQ Sauce

This barbecue sauce is tangy and sweet, it’s perfect on chicken, as a dipping sauce for potato wedges, with steak bites, and mixed into ranch dressing for a spicy kick.

Best of all, not only can you pronounce all the ingredients, but you can whip it together in your own kitchen in less time than it would take to check out at the grocery store.

As you know, I love a great homemade barbecue sauce, so whenever I find a new one to try and it’s a winner, I have to share it with you.

This barbecue sauce is lightly adapted from Half-Baked Harvest’s Sweet Baby Ray’s Copycat Recipe. And I’ve been told by many that this Sweet and Spicy Homemade Barbecue Sauce tastes just like Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce.

However, in all fairness to Sweet Baby Ray, I think this sauce blows the store-bought version away.

I actually went out and bought a bottle of the original sauce, just to compare the flavors. The store-bought sauce was really tasty, but the flavors here are deeper and I prefer them. (Of course, I can’t think of many instances where a homemade version won’t trump store-bought!)

Ketchup is, of course, the base but the combination of brown sugar, molasses, and apple cider vinegar really brings the sweet to this sauce. Hungarian paprika, known to be sweet and mild adds depth without being overly sweet.

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Is envy over a partner’s past clouding a happy future?

According to onlinedoctor.com, in the UK, the average person has seven sexual partners across a lifetime but, whatever your own experience, it’s fair to say that most people will go into a new relationship bringing their own history. So, what happens when the past gets in the way of present happiness?

“Retroactive jealousy is the jealousy of the past, and a series of uncertainties related to the partner’s previous love affairs,” psychologist Barbara Ocello explains. “It manifests in disproportionate jealousy for the partner’s romantic past, often becoming a cause of conflict, hindering the grounds for harmony within the couple.”

As Barbara explains, retroactive jealousy can lead to obsessive, intrusive, and negative thoughts that can encroach on an otherwise happy and healthy relationship, and this risks bringing with it anxiety, anger, and sadness. So, what steps can you take to address these feelings?

1. Become aware of what you experience

Putting a name to a feeling can really help us start to feel more in control of it, and also allows us to connect with other, similar experiences.

“Sometimes, you can become so overwhelmed by the flow of events that you cannot understand what is really happening,” Barbara explains. “Think about what you are experiencing, name the feelings you have, and think about the images that come to mind. It may be helpful to write down what is happening, to ‘let out’ the anger and become aware of it.”

When you’re in the throes of retrospective jealousy, the feelings of distress are very real, but trying to take a step back to name and examine it is a gateway to giving yourself permission to move forward.

2. Stay in the present

“A useful strategy to deal with such jealousy is to rationalise feelings and thoughts,” Barbara says. “One way to do this is to think back to your past rather than your partner’s. Look back over your experiences, both good and bad. Think about the times when you felt loved or have loved. Also, reflect on what you were like in your past relationships. If it doesn’t take anything away from how you feel in your current relationship, why shouldn’t it be the same for your partner?”

When we’re missing info, it can be easy to fill in the gaps with things that aren’t necessarily grounded in facts. If this is something you find yourself doing, take a moment to pause and consider where reality ends and intrusive thoughts take over.

For example, Barbara recommends keeping in mind that if your partner ended the relationship with their ex, there must have been problems, and that they have now chosen to stay with you, to build a life together.

3. Try to avoid controlling behaviours

The point at which retrospective jealousy can become a more serious problem is if you begin to act on unfounded feelings. You might then breach trust in the relationship, or be constantly on the lookout for new information about your partner’s past, which will only spur on your fears.

“Stop investigating the past by looking for info on social networks, or asking family and friends about previous relationships,” Barbara says. “These are self-destructive behaviours. Don’t nag your