Is envy over a partner’s past clouding a happy future?

According to onlinedoctor.com, in the UK, the average person has seven sexual partners across a lifetime but, whatever your own experience, it’s fair to say that most people will go into a new relationship bringing their own history. So, what happens when the past gets in the way of present happiness?

“Retroactive jealousy is the jealousy of the past, and a series of uncertainties related to the partner’s previous love affairs,” psychologist Barbara Ocello explains. “It manifests in disproportionate jealousy for the partner’s romantic past, often becoming a cause of conflict, hindering the grounds for harmony within the couple.”

As Barbara explains, retroactive jealousy can lead to obsessive, intrusive, and negative thoughts that can encroach on an otherwise happy and healthy relationship, and this risks bringing with it anxiety, anger, and sadness. So, what steps can you take to address these feelings?

1. Become aware of what you experience

Putting a name to a feeling can really help us start to feel more in control of it, and also allows us to connect with other, similar experiences.

“Sometimes, you can become so overwhelmed by the flow of events that you cannot understand what is really happening,” Barbara explains. “Think about what you are experiencing, name the feelings you have, and think about the images that come to mind. It may be helpful to write down what is happening, to ‘let out’ the anger and become aware of it.”

When you’re in the throes of retrospective jealousy, the feelings of distress are very real, but trying to take a step back to name and examine it is a gateway to giving yourself permission to move forward.

2. Stay in the present

“A useful strategy to deal with such jealousy is to rationalise feelings and thoughts,” Barbara says. “One way to do this is to think back to your past rather than your partner’s. Look back over your experiences, both good and bad. Think about the times when you felt loved or have loved. Also, reflect on what you were like in your past relationships. If it doesn’t take anything away from how you feel in your current relationship, why shouldn’t it be the same for your partner?”

When we’re missing info, it can be easy to fill in the gaps with things that aren’t necessarily grounded in facts. If this is something you find yourself doing, take a moment to pause and consider where reality ends and intrusive thoughts take over.

For example, Barbara recommends keeping in mind that if your partner ended the relationship with their ex, there must have been problems, and that they have now chosen to stay with you, to build a life together.

3. Try to avoid controlling behaviours

The point at which retrospective jealousy can become a more serious problem is if you begin to act on unfounded feelings. You might then breach trust in the relationship, or be constantly on the lookout for new information about your partner’s past, which will only spur on your fears.

“Stop investigating the past by looking for info on social networks, or asking family and friends about previous relationships,” Barbara says. “These are self-destructive behaviours. Don’t nag your

Marisa Peer, world-renowned therapist and founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy® joins Happiful’s podcast to share what you can do to make positive changes in your life, starting today

Marisa Peer has worked with thousands of people throughout her prestigious career and she credits them all for the lessons they’ve taught her along the way. These lessons, she shares, enabled her to create an incredible approach now practised across the world - Rapid Transformational Therapy®. RTT combines elements from a number of different approaches to create a kind of therapy that offers quick results and immediate support.

There is one common challenge that comes up time and again for people she works with and that is the feeling that they are not ‘enough’. This, Marisa believes, is a universal concern.

“But it's not true,” she asserts. “It's a belief. But of course, you make your beliefs and then your beliefs turn around and make you, and then you have something called confirmation bias, which means you are looking for proof of what you have chosen to believe.”

In conversation with Happiful, Marisa shares great insights around the importance of reframing our thoughts, telling ourselves a 'better lie' and the importance of connection and rejection when it comes to our sense of self.

Marisa’s advice

• Pay attention to how you talk to yourself and upgrade it.  Be nice, become your own best friend
• Remember there's nothing that will build your self-esteem like praise.
• Say these four little phrases to yourself, every day.  
  I'm enough. I'm lovable, I matter and I'm significant.

A full interview with Marisa Peer will be in Issue 69 of Happiful, available from early December.
Find out more about Marisa, her books and teachings.

Find a Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT) practitioner today

With many people experiencing painful periods, we take a look at some of the natural ways you can manage your symptoms

Over half of people who menstruate experience painful periods. This can accompany other symptoms pre-period (known as pre-menstrual syndrome), last for one or two days or, for some, the whole duration of their bleed. Although for many people there might not be a complete cure for their pain, there are things that can be done to minimise its impact on day-to-day life.

Menstrual cramps are a very common symptom of periods. These occur when the uterus contracts and sheds its lining. Women often experience discomfort in their lower abdomen, back or groin but, for some people, the pain can be chronic and debilitating.

What causes painful periods?

There are a number of reasons why someone might have period pain. If you are experiencing painful menstruation, it’s important to speak to your GP as they will be able to help you understand why you’re experiencing this and provide answers with a diagnosis. This can go a long way to managing your periods effectively.

Some reasons why you might have painful periods include:

• ovarian cysts
• endometriosis
• PID (pelvic inflammatory disease)
• fibroids
• PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder)
• adenomyosis
• having a copper IUD

How to relieve period pain

When we experience pain, it can be easy to reach for over-the-counter medicines, like paracetamol and ibuprofen. Doctors can prescribe stronger painkillers but there are other remedies that you can try for those wanting to take a more natural approach.

1. Heat

Applying heat can help the muscles relax and reduce cramps. You can do this by using a heat pad or a hot water bottle but be sure to wrap it up in a towel to prevent burns. Never apply the heat directly to the skin. Having a warm bath or shower is another way you can stimulate the relaxation of the muscles.

Patches are another alternative to hot water bottles or heat pads. They are great for on-the-go comfort, plus they are discrete and convenient. Why not give these cruelty-free and natural patches from BeYou a try?

2. Massage

Massaging your abdomen can help relieve period pain by relaxing the uterus and reducing spasms. For the best results, focus on massaging in circular motions in the area of pain itself. A full body massage, however, may be beneficial in reducing any stress and discomfort from your menstrual symptoms.

3. Relaxation techniques

Stress has been known to increase period pain, so trying to be as relaxed as possible during your period can help significantly when it comes to cramping. To help the body relax, you could try therapies such as Yoga, Pilates or reflexology. Not only are they a great way to release tension and distract you from any pain, but they are also great forms of exercise.

4. Exercise  

For those suffering from period pain, i

Sharing this post for friends who are considering joining Beautycounter as a consultant. It’s one of the best things I’ve done for my business, so I’d love to share more about what it entails and how to get started. 

Hi hi! How’s the morning going so far? I’m looking forward to a long weekend with Fall Break, a trip to the pumpkin patch, and a staycation at Great Wolf Lodge.

For today’s post, I wanted to share more about the Beautycounter business. This past week, I’ve had so many people reach out to me about joining as a consultant (<— I think it has a lot to do with the fact that enrollment is $20 right now!!). I don’t talk about the business opportunity too often (usually friends who read the blog will sign up, or just email me to let me know they’re interested in joining), but I know that some of you may be curious about the behind the scenes and with the $20 enrollment promo (ends on 10/17), I had to spread the news.

Here’s a post I wrote a while ago about being a Beautycounter consultant and how it’s affected my business!

I also thought it would be a good time to share this post because things are SO expensive right now, and we’re also about to head into an expensive time of year. Between the holiday events/food, family gifts, class parties, teacher gifts, in addition to increased cost of living with inflation… it’s a lot. If you’re looking for an option to make extra money on your own terms (from home!), this is an option that might work for you.

Here’s some more details to decide if it might be for you and how you can get started!

This isn’t just applicable to Beautycounter, but could be used for other network marketing or direct sales opportunities.

How To Build Your Beautycounter Business Plan

Step One

Have a call with your mentor to talk about upcoming events, how they recommend that you get started, or any initial things you need to do. For consultants on my team, I have an onboarding process that they follow, along with a few checkmark steps along the way. I also ask them about their goals! Some friends want to hit the ground running, while others are more low-key about it.  Others simply join for the 25% discount, and that’s cool, too. It’s helpful to know their goals so I can coach and support appropriately.

Step Two

Brainstorm your “why” so you can share this with others on your journey. If you’re joining Beautycounter, this might be something about how you wanted to switch to safer products (we all have an “a ha” moment), or if can even be financial. (Like, “I wanted to be able to pay for our kid to take private piano lessons” or daycare costs, etc.) I would be transparent and detailed about your “why,” and write up a post or share in conversation when someone ask

This is NOT your average chocolate chip cookie. They are hands down the best Chewy Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies.

Calling them the best chocolate chip cookie is a big deal. That is a statement I don’t make lightly, but they are certainly the best I have ever made. When I first came across this recipe named, “I Want to Marry You Cookies.” I laughed, the name reminded me of “Marry Me Chicken”. We’ve been calling these “Marry Me Cookies” for years now.

Chewy Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies

When I finally had the chance to make these cookies with his mouthful of cookies my husband declared that yes he would have likely proposed sooner if I had made him these cookies.

There are several variations of this cookie. I finally had the perfect opportunity to try them one weekend while we were at the cabin. Pretty sure this recipe is where the phrase, “Bet you can’t eat just one” came from.

When making these I stayed as close to the original recipe as possible, in an effort to see what the fuss is all about. (As far as I can tell, the source below is the original author of this recipe.)

The thing that sets these cookies apart from every other chocolate chip cookie I’ve made is the melted butter. Such a small thing, but it has an enormous impact on the flavor. The best part of making these? Everything happens in a single pot. Easy cleanup makes this girl very happy.

I feel like I should clarify that these are chocolate chip cookies with oatmeal, a different kind of cookie from these classic Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies. The oatmeal flavor in Marry Me Cookies is very very subtle.

I shared these with a self-proclaimed oatmeal hater years ago and he reluctantly agreed that while he still HATES oatmeal, these cookies are delicious and “the oatmeal doesn’t ruin them.” That’s a WIN, my friends!

How to Make Chocolate Chip Cookies Chewy

The warm butter is blended together with the sugars and it creates a rich toffee flavor that I have never before tasted in a chocolate chip cookie. The cookies positively melt in your mouth.

I will caution you not to skip the step of chilling the cookie dough before adding the chocolate chips. If you add the chocolate too soon, it will melt into the dough, leaving you with cookies that are tasty, but nothing at all like the original.

This is the BEST second-day cookie I have ever made. They taste phenomenal warm from the oven and they taste even better the next day. I froze several of them to see how they would handle it and they were excellent as soon as they thawed.

I’m