I’ll confess that ‘not enough’ is a statement that has peppered many of my life choices. I wasn’t qualified enough to apply for a job I once wanted, I wasn’t clever enough to sign up to a psychology course that piqued my interest, and romantically, well there were a thousand ‘not enoughs’ that built invisible, impenetrable barriers all around me throughout my 20s.
If this resonates with you in any way, then Marisa Peer’s words could well be the antidote to the ‘not enough’ epidemic that seems to impact so many of us. With more than 30 years’ experience in the field of psychotherapy and hypnotherapy, Marisa has also developed her own therapeutic approach, Rapid Transformational Therapy®, a practice that has gained global acclaim.
Having started her career working in the health and fitness industry in the 1980s, Marisa quickly realised that there was too great an emphasis on shrinking ourselves physically and mentally, rather than loving and backing ourselves. The transition from self-loathing to self-love, she now insists, stems from upgrading your self-talk, and she’s passionate about this message.
From the development of RTT® to her I Am Enough movement, Marisa is evidently on a life-long mission to help people live happier, healthier, and longer lives. So we’re grateful that she’s sharing her knowledge with Happiful, too, and how you can begin to banish the ‘not enoughs’, by taking on board these five actionable suggestions from Marisa:
Acknowledge fear of rejection, then let it pass
When we’re born on the planet, we have one need and that’s to make it, to survive. As a baby you know that you’ll survive if you can find connection and avoid rejection. As a result, we are all scared of rejection, but the truth is that, as an adult, nobody can reject you unless you give them your consent.
Do not let rejection in, let it go over your head. If it hurts, remind yourself it’s just someone’s opinion, and it doesn’t matter. Let it go. When someone says something harsh, say something nice to yourself, tell yourself that you are a good person. Remember that people can be mean, unkind, and hurtful, but critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves.
You have a choice every day, and not letting destructive criticisms in can actually change your life.
What is trauma dumping, why do some people do it, and what can you do to stop friends (and ourselves) from oversharing difficult thoughts and emotions at inappropriate times? We answer your top trauma dumping questions and share more about how you can set healthy boundaries with friends who overshare
We’ve all experienced friendships where one person overshares. I know I’ve been guilty of it more than once in the past. Knowing where the boundaries lie between sharing your worries with friends and overburdening them with your troubles can be tough. For those experiencing trauma dumping first-hand from a friend, it can feel impossible to know when or even if you should speak out. After all, aren’t we all supposed to be encouraging each other to reach out when we’re worried or overwhelmed?
But friendship is supposed to be a two-way street. And no matter how much we care for our friends and family, we aren’t there to act as their personal therapists. So, what can we do when oversharing becomes overwhelming, and frequent trauma dumps start to take their toll on our mental health and emotional wellbeing?
What is trauma dumping?
The phrase trauma dumping (also called emotional dumping) is used to refer to when someone overshares typically difficult thoughts, emotions, stressful situations or traumatic experiences. This could happen frequently or at irregular intervals (though there is often a consistent pattern), and most often happens at a time that is considered inappropriate. For example, sharing intimate details of a bad breakup with a work colleague or oversharing details of a traumatic medical experience on social media without providing warnings or considering who may be reading and how it may affect them.
Over time, trauma dumping (whether with friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances or even on social media) can start to take its toll and negatively affect everyone involved. For some, this can lead to compassion fatigue, stress, burnout, and may even feel like experiencing second-hand trauma.
What’s the difference between trauma dumping and venting?
While on the surface, venting and trauma dumping can sound a little similar, they have significant differences. When you open up to someone to vent about something that is bothering you, it’s typical to wait for an opportune time. You may wait until they ask how you are, ensure that the conversation is balanced and you’re asking about how they are feeling too.
Venting typically happens in a way that is respectful of the listener’s time, feelings, and personal situation. You wouldn’t necessarily vent to a friend who’s clearly overwhelmed and needing to share themselves, you’d wait for a more appropriate time. Someone who is venting may also be open to receiving feedback, comments, or possible solutions to help with their situation.
Someone who is trauma dumping typically won’t set or listen to boundaries around the other person’s time, feelings, or needs, instead focusing on releasing their own is