Do you know someone who is prone to exaggeration? Or perhaps their version of events strays into all-out fantasy? If someone you care for demonstrates pathological lying, they might be experiencing mythomania – but getting support is a real possibility

Loving someone who frequently alternates reality at their convenience is a difficult task, and requires infinite amounts of patience. Especially if that person is undiagnosed, and you have no idea how to act or combat their tendency to compulsively lie.

Maybe, like me, it took you years to realise that your loved one is struggling with mythomania, and the thought of talking to someone else about it terrifies you. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Since we’re talking about a complex and often misunderstood disorder, that affects both the mythomaniac and those around them, underestimating it only results in broken relationships and undesirable consequences, as mythomaniacs may even break the law without being aware that they are doing it.

Now that you know the risks of remaining silent, let’s look at what this disorder is, how it manifests, and what the possible treatment options are for your loved one.

What is mythomania?

According to the experts, mythomania, also called pathological lying, is the strong impulse to magnify reality to either play the victim or hero. Once it becomes a habit, mythomaniacs can use lies to:

• Protect themselves from being held accountable.
• Seek attention.
• Take revenge on someone by causing turmoil and conflict.
• Try to emulate the exaggerated version of themselves that lives in their heads.
• Get a break from what feels like a monotonous life.

As you can see, mythomaniacs use lies to shape reality to their liking, and to help them, we must identify the root cause – the initial thing or things that made them feel insecure or threatened, and prompted them to use lies as a protective measure.

Counsellor, and director of Hope Therapy, Ian Stockbridge, explains: “They potentially can come from a variety of places, but I think that childhood trauma and childhood insecurities, more generally, and a wish to constantly please your caregivers, your parents, and to protect yourself in vulnerable situations as a child, can be associated. I think we can potentially learn at a very young age that to lie can be a protective factor.”

Are there types of mythomania?

Since every mythomaniac has a different reason for lying, that is, a different root cause, it’s difficult to classify them between those who lie to perpetuate their fantasy, and those who do it for the thrill of positively or negatively influencing their environment.

“I think the problem with mythomania is that it isn’t recognised by the DSM5, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual version 5, as being a psychiatric disorder, so it doesn’t get split out in any diagnostic sense,” Ian explains. “I think, from a therapeutic point of view, it is more about recognising that there can be different underlying causes associated with it rather than different types of it. For e

Feel the need to over-explain your actions and justify why you’ve done something? You could be worthsplaining

Picture the scene. You’re at work and decide to go out to a restaurant for lunch. When you tell your coworkers your plan, you make sure they know this is a ‘treat’ and that you’ve saved money somewhere else this week, which is why you can afford it. Or perhaps you’ve been invited out for a drink but all you really want is a night in. You say no to the drink, but then send multiple texts justifying why you need a night in (work has been so full on! I can feel a headache coming on! The cat gets lonely!).

Both of these are examples of worthsplaining. This is when we go to great lengths to justify our actions, often because we fear being judged. It may be somewhat of a habit you’ve fallen into, but it could have a negative impact on your mental health.

The fear of judgement driving worthsplaining can be a sign of low self-esteem and self-worth. It can also be a sign that we’re seeking external validation for our actions, that it’s OK for us to make these choices for ourselves.

When we live in fear of what others think and seek external validation, we chip away at our authentic self, and this is what impacts how we see ourselves, our self-esteem and, ultimately, our happiness. When we set healthy boundaries, feel confident in our decisions and turn inwards for validation, we build ourselves up, feel good about who we are and make choices that fulfil us.

If you recognise this habit of worthsplaining, how can you put a stop to it?

Recognise that you’re doing it

Awareness is the first step to stopping most habits, and it’s no different with worthsplaining. Now that you know what it is, you’ll likely recognise it more easily. Try to tune in with yourself when you need to make a decision and notice how you react. Take some time to reflect on how you coped with the decision and see if you’ve worthsplained to anyone.

Self-awareness can take practice, and building up a habit of reflection can really help. Try journaling about your day, mood tracking or ever starting a meditation practice. This all encourages us to slow down and take stock, which builds our self-awareness.

Question your motives

Once you’re more aware of what you’re doing, you can dig a little deeper and ask why you’re doing it. For example, if you want a night in and find yourself justifying it, what’s driving this? Are you worried your friends will be upset with you for not going out? Do you struggle to make time for rest and need to justify to yourself why you deserve it? Do you want your friends to agree with you, saying you deserve to rest because you aren’t sure you do?

This kind of examination can be done in several ways. You might want to journal it out alone, or you may find it helpful to work with a professional, such as a counsellor or coach to unpick what’s going on.

Set some boundaries

Personal boundaries help you draw a line in the sand when it comes to what you will and won’t do. They help you protect your peace of mind and can act as a powerful form of self-care. Try to think about some situations where you tend to worthsplain and set yourself some bou

Why do Mondays feel like the worst day of the week, and is there really a way to start our week off with a more positive spin? We share everything you need to know to turn that Monday feeling into something you can look forward to (or at least not dread)

Mondays. They’re the worst day of the week, aren’t they? For most of us, Monday morning signals the end of two whole days of freedom and enjoyment. The weekends are a time to relax, do something we enjoy, and put ourselves (or our loved ones) first. It's time to get out and about, do exciting things, and maybe even treat ourselves.

Yet by the time Sunday evening rolls around, we can start to feel a sense of dread for the week to come. And when Monday morning finally rolls around? We feel tired, grumpy, and reluctant to get started. Maybe you even feel anxious about the week to come, or frustrated that your precious free time has gone so quickly.

So…why is it we struggle with Monday mornings. And what can we do to turn things around and make Mondays better?

Why do I have such a hard time on Mondays?

We all struggle with Mondays for different reasons. Overwhelmingly in the UK, Monday is the start of our work, school, or college week, meaning it’s one of the most stressful days as we begin a new cycle of days before our next ‘free day’ off. But the looming week ahead isn’t the only reason why Mondays can be so tough.

If you find yourself dreading Mondays, it could be a sign that:

• You don’t like your job. Disliking what you do, or finding it particularly stressful, can both make Mondays feel hard. But actually recognising why you don’t like your job (or that it’s even your job that is the problem) can sometimes be tricky. If you feel yourself growing anxious, nervous, or dreading the week ahead on a Sunday evening, it can be a sign that something isn’t quite right. Maybe you’re dreading a specific meeting, you don’t feel prepared for the week ahead, or your to-do list is waiting for you and feels overwhelming. For others, feeling like what they do is meaningless or makes no difference can be the driving force behind their discontent.
• You feel trapped. Transitioning from two days of freedom to five days of sticking to a rigid schedule can be tough - even when we’ve been doing it for years. We’re no longer able to do things when we want, or in many cases, even to take breaks when we know they would best suit us. This can lead to a growing sense of frustration, loss, and even resentment that can be particularly prevalent on a Monday, as you try to get back into your workweek routine.
• Your work/life balance is off. Having a good work/life balance is key for so many different reasons. Without enough time to ourselves, we may not be able to de-stress, maintain or build meaningful relationships, relax, unwind, and truly find things that we enjoy. Even when we love what we do as a job, we can’t keep doing it 24/7 without a break – it’s just not healthy. If you’re answering emails outside of

It should be a time for celebration, but sometimes our birthday triggers difficult feelings. Here, we explore how to cope with the annual event

For most people, birthdays are a fun and happy time to celebrate with friends and family. After all, they only happen once a year. However, birthdays can sometimes be accompanied by feelings of disinterest, depression, and sadness on, or in the days leading to, your birthday – AKA the birthday blues.

But, why does this happen? “The expectation to feel joy and celebrate when we don’t feel like it or may not have good reason to, can be part of the issue,” says counsellor James Eve. “‘I should feel happy or elated,’ makes no allowances for what you actually feel. We can recognise that even occasions that are a cause for celebration can contain within them moments of sadness or grief.”

However, there are a range of techniques you can utilise, and ways that you can alleviate these blue feelings...

1. Manage your expectations

Unfulfilled expectations can leave us feeling disappointed. Perhaps you may have wanted to buy a house or change careers by the time you reached a certain age, but that didn’t happen.

“The beautiful thing about expectations is that they can always be changed or managed,” James explains. “If you didn’t achieve X, then perhaps change it to Y, or break down X into more manageable chunks. Did you want to climb Mount Everest? Perhaps start with Ben Nevis.”

2. Embrace ageing

While society often tells us to fear it, ageing is a completely natural process. In fact, according to research published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, the older you get, the happier you become.

“As we age, we also have a better understanding of what makes us tick, and can make more informed decisions,” James says. “With maturity, we may also have the opportunity to be more fully ourselves, to drop any pretenses, or stop trying to fit in, which can be liberating and something not easily obtained from our youth.”

3. Gratitude attitude

It’s common human nature to focus more on the negativities surrounding your life. Perhaps you just lost your job, or broke up with your partner, and you may feel that there is nothing worth being thankful for on your birthday. Actively focusing on what brings you joy and reflecting on the positives can help with such feelings.

James highlights how you can incorporate this into your day-to-day life: “Try a daily practice of 15 minutes. Focus on what you are grateful for; reflect on people, places, or objects that bring you joy. If this feels difficult, keep going with it. We have to work the muscle for it to be stronger.”

4. Decide what your version of ‘celebration’ is

During birthdays, it’s acceptable for you to be selfish. By identifying your desires, you can decide whether an extravagant celebration, a small family dinner, a solo day at the beach, or not celebrating at all, is what work

Kate Baily, co-founder of Love Sober joins Happiful's podcast to discuss the journey to alcohol-free living and the benefits it brings

“For me, drinking was very much tied in with the cultural narrative of my twenties and my own narrative about feminism and being empowered,” Kate Baily shares on Happiful’s podcast. “Then I had my children and a massive identity shift. I had lots of hormones and my mental health wasn’t great. So wine became more and more part of my life. When I first heard the phrase ‘wine o’clock’, I laughed my head off. I thought, thank god it’s not just me!”

Kate soon realised that she was not alone in feeling this way about alcohol and there were many other women for whom alcohol played a major role in their daily lives. However, Kate notes, she was in the ‘grey area’ of drinking, not alcohol dependent but not experiencing a healthy relationship with it either, and she wanted that to change.

Fast forward to today and Kate is now the co-founder of Love Sober, co-host of the Love Sober podcast and has written two books with LS partner Mandy Manners, most recently the beautiful Love Your Sober Year: A Seasonal Guide to Alcohol-Free Living.

Kate’s also a sobriety & life coach specialising in holistic well-being for women in midlife, perimenopause transition, sobriety, and stress management. Her first-hand experience makes her extremely relatable, her honesty is refreshing and she’s ultimately very realistic about the role alcohol plays for so many of us, in what we perceive to be ‘stress relief’.

“I managed my stress with lots of different things,” she says, reflecting back. “I had my hobbies, I had this kind of toolkit. Drinking was part of it but there was this disconnect between how I was feeling, what my new role is (as a parent) and how it was all fitting, that became impossible to ignore. This created quite a lot of shame, which can lead to a downward spiral.”

Kate came across Soberistas while searching for questionnaires about alcoholism in the early hours of one morning. She began to get curious about living an alcohol free life, after finding support on the site’s forum. Although not easy, and she chose to drink again after a year before stopping for good, this experience inspired Kate to learn more about positive psychology, the role of the vagus nerve and the unmet needs we can often ‘treat’ by drinking.

Read more