While we always hope the holidays will be relaxed and joyful, stress can show up as we navigate family dynamics, financial strains, and societal pressure. Here we share some ideas to help you find mindful moments so you can return to calm

1. Wrapping gifts

Whether you love or loathe gift wrapping, there are a few things we can do to make it more a mindful. Dim the lights, play some holiday music, pour a glass of your favourite festive tipple. As you wrap, take a moment to feel the texture of the paper, notice the colours of the bows, and the delicious sound your scissors make when cutting. Go slow and lose yourself in the process.

2. Going for a winter walk

Heading outside when it’s cold may not seem appealing, but there’s magic to be found on winter walks. Wrap up in your favourite coat, scarf, hat, and gloves. Pull on some boots with good grip to navigate any icy patches, and make your way outside.

Notice the way the bracing air feels as it hits your skin. Look out for interesting patterns, perhaps there are footprints in snow or some particularly pleasing brick-work. Listen out for birds singing, squirrels scurrying, and trees swaying in the wind. If you’re in a city, can you hear snippets of conversations on the breeze?

3. Making hot chocolate

Having a mindful moment is all about doing something slowly and with intention. With this in mind, making a hot chocolate can become a ritual. Use your favourite mug (the bigger the better in our opinion) and use your senses to explore every step of creation, from warming the milk and adding the chocolate, to finishing with a flurry of marshmallows.

If possible, take some time to sip it slowly, noticing the flavour with each mouthful. While drinking, cosy up with a good book, listen to a calming playlist, or simply look out the window and take a moment to be fully present.

4. Lighting a festive aromatherapy candle

Aromatherapy is a simple yet effective way to make any moment more mindful, as it triggers our sense of smell and pulls us into the here and now. Look for warming and fresh scents such as nutmeg, pine, frankincense, cinnamon, orange, or clove.

Use your candle as a way to signal relaxation time, perhaps after you finish work for the day, or when the kids are tucked up in bed. Light the candle and pause for a moment to watch the flame (you could even try a candle meditation) and notice the scent, taking slow, deep breaths.

It can be incredibly tough to see your child going through self-harm. From a mother who has experienced it herself, we share steps for supporting them on their journey

When my child was 10, I discovered they were self-harming. I want to give other parents a list of things that have helped me and my child in the terrifying journey that self-harm can be. This is that list:

1. Listen

As Carrie McColl, a counsellor specialising in self-harm explains, listening is the most important thing to do. “Your child may not always have the words to express what they’re feeling, but tone of voice, body language, and behaviour can speak volumes,” she says.

It can be a tough conversation to have, but a needed one. “If your child has disclosed the self-harm to you, thank them for being so brave and honest,” Carrie continues. “If it’s been discovered in a different way, try to gently approach the subject in terms of making sure wounds are clean, and seeing if medical attention may be needed.”

2. Choose how you want to deal with the self-harming and the wounds

It’s a hard thing to say to a parent who has just discovered something so heartbreaking, but it is up to you to choose how you want to deal with the self-harming of your child. From removing sharp objects to cleaning wounds, there are many ways that can help you feel more in control.

As Carrie says, “Self-harm is much more than just cutting, and if someone wants to hurt themselves, they will quite often find a way.” There is no better way to deal with it than another, only a difficult choice to make to ensure your child feels safe.

3. Find an alternative

Depending on why your child self-harms, and their age, there are lots of different coping mechanisms that can be tried: elastic bands, red pen, butterfly drawings (check out the Butterfly Project, butterfly-project.tumblr.com).

Carrie says: “Distraction can be useful, as it helps to learn that the urge to self-harm will pass. If your child can agree to it, ask that they let you know when they have the urge, and then work together on ways to distract them until the feeling passes. Most of the time, if distractions are working, the urge will have gone.”

4. Don’t define them with self-harming

Tell the school, your friends, your family. Self-harming should not be taboo, but you don’t want it to become their only identity. Continue defining them with the activities they love, and show them that self-harming doesn’t change the way you see them.

“Try not to dismiss what they’ve done, or mini

What role do togetherness and kindness play in our communities, local and beyond?

In a brisk corner of the internet, more than 4,500 people come together for worldwide tropical cyclone discussion, and general weather observations. This group is made up of followers of Nathan Foy – creator of Force Thirteen, a YouTube channel that produces videos on cyclones and weather forecasts. But who could have predicted the force for good this community could become?

“Our community mostly resides on Discord [a chat app for voice, video, and text], and is open to anyone,” says Nathan, when asked to reflect on the space he has created. “We still very much are mainly weather-related, but we opened a ‘room’ for care and support a couple of years ago, under the initiative of our moderator team.”

When Nathan saw an increase in the amount of personal issues coming up in general conversations in the group, the team decided to take action to make their community a supportive space. Drawn together by their shared interest in cyclones, the group now also offers the option of informal peer-to-peer support, a fleet of moderators ensuring it all remains safe.

Talk of Discord servers and digital moderators may feel uniquely 2022, but the desire to gather is, of course, not. In fact, it’s going right back to basics. Coming together, meeting people where they are, building communities, and weathering the storm together – these are the practices that built our society in the first place, and that gave our modern world its foundations. And the more pressure we put on those foundations – the higher we build and the further away we get from our roots – the more we need to return to them, to nurture them, and to come together once again.

The group of Nordic countries (Finland, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, and Iceland) that consistently dominate the top spots in the World Happiness Report (WHR) have a couple of things in common. It’s important to acknowledge the financial climate – high GDP per capita, a welfare state, and ample social benefits – but beyond that, the WHR looks at other factors, including social support and generosity.

They’re the kind of values we might associate with ‘village living’. The phrase alone might conjure up images of a stroll to the local shop, the walk punctuated by friendly encounters with people you know by name, and who would be round in a jiffy the moment you need a hand. The good news is that this ‘village’ style connectivity isn’t particularly geographically restricted.

In figures from the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, when asked “Overall, how happy did you feel yesterday?” on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 is “not at all happy” and 10 is “completely happy”, those living in predominantly rural areas gave an average rating of 7.47, only marginally higher than the average rating of 7.25 given by those living in predominantly urban areas.

What’s more, in a report into community life, which ran from April 2020 to March 2021 and was published by the Department for Digital, Culture, Media & Sport, 65% of respondents agreed that people in t

Is putting ourselves first always selfish? And is being selfish really always a bad thing? We explain more about healthy selfishness and how it can help you

Being called selfish is an unpleasant blow. Socially speaking, the idea of being selfish is taboo: it’s something we should strive to avoid at all costs. To be called selfish means you are inconsiderate of other people, putting your own pleasure and gains ahead of others. Yet the term can often be used as a weapon against us, to manipulate us into doing things for others – even when it could be to our own detriment.

Can selfishness be good?

Selfishness isn’t always bad. According to experts, selfishness can be healthy, while altruism (the selfless concern for the wellbeing of others) can become extreme and unhealthy.

Scott Kaufman from the Department of Psychology at Columbia University, New York, and Emanuel Jauk from the Department of Psychology at the University of Graz, Austria and Clinical Psychology and Behavioral Neuroscience at Technische Universitat Dresden, Germany, recently published their research into healthy selfishness and pathological altruism.

“Selfishness is often regarded as an undesirable or even immoral characteristic. However, human history as well as the works of humanistic and psychodynamic psychologists point to a more complex picture: not all selfishness is necessarily bad, and not all altruism is necessarily good,” they explain.

According to their research, healthy selfishness can be related to higher levels of psychological wellbeing, developing skills necessary to deal with the demands placed on us by our environment in an effective way (adaptive functioning), as well as developing behaviour that genuinely is intended to help others (prosocial behaviour).

In contrast, those who practised pathological altruism (where we do things in an attempt to promote the welfare of others but cause harm that was reasonably foreseeable by others) were more likely to exhibit behaviours that stopped them from adapting to new or difficult circumstances (maladaptive psychological behaviours), vulnerable narcissism (a narcissist type that is highly self-conscious, insecure, and hypersensitive to rejection), and selfish motivations for helping others.

What is healthy selfishness?

Healthy selfishness refers to having a healthy respect for your own health, growth, joy, freedom, and happiness. It can mean using boundaries to help you define and refocus on your needs and those of others. By setting boundaries, we can not only allow our focus to return to our own needs, but we can create the emotional bandwidth to refocus on those that we love and care for.

For example, by saying no to attending a work social on a Friday night that you know is likely to make you feel exhausted, drained, and overwhelmed, you can instead reserve that energy for spending time with friends and family. This type of ‘healthy selfishness’ means that you are prioritising yourself and those closest to you, using your time and energy to

All her life, Motsi Mabuse has worked hard for her countless achievements, but a highly critical and competitive industry led her to question her self-worth. Now, she’s taking back control, consciously practising self-love, radical acceptance of her vulnerability, and making time for those who light up her life

By the time you read this Strictly Come Dancing, the much-loved TV sensation, will be back on our screens, and Motsi Mabuse will be sharing guidance and praise for this year’s intake from her place on the judges’ panel. To the show’s army of loyal fans, Motsi is well-known for exuding warmth, tempered honesty, and the kind of passion that comes from first-hand experience of dancing competitively.

When we speak in late summer, Motsi is sitting under the shade of a poolside umbrella, chatting animatedly over Facetime about her book, Finding My Own Rhythm, while her daughter plays off-camera. Motsi is taking a break before her busy schedule starts again. She’s allowed herself a couple of hours each day for interviews but, after that, it’s strictly holiday time with her family.

Setting healthy boundaries such as this, she says, hasn’t always been possible, and giving herself permission to take a greater level of control over her own time has not only been a revelation, but a conscious practice.

“When I turned 40, my view changed because I had my child and my husband who I very much love,” she says, smiling. “Working hard is one thing, but living is another. I think the problem is that you cannot reach or attain so much if you don’t work hard, but at the same time, that means you have to make sacrifices. However, I’m at a stage in my life now, where I really want to spend a lot of time with the people I love. So I’m very specific about my time, and I’ve built a team around me who have children and family, so they understand me.”

The joy of becoming a mum, combined with the arrival of Covid and a global lockdown, gave Motsi a much-needed period of time to stop, reassess her life, and understand where she needed to make positive changes. In addition to a greater focus on her family, she realised that her relationship with herself needed some nurturing too, after she’d spent most of her life pushing herself to do more, be more, and work harder in the dance industry.

Motsi’s lifelong relationship with the world of dance began when she was just a child. She grew up in South Africa under the system of racial segregation known as apartheid, which, she notes, had a huge impact on how she saw herself. As she shares in her book: “Growing up within a system that sets certain people above others was bound to have consequences: for the girl I was, for the dancer I became, and for the course I followed. And, although I didn’t fully understand it at the time, perhaps the biggest of these consequences was feeling that I really had to prove my worth. I had to find a way to accept myself and feel accepted; even more than that – to be celebrated for who I was and the talents I had, as every person should be.”

Read more