While the arrival of a new baby is a time for celebration, it can also be stressful for new mums – whether that’s due to running on lack of sleep, difficulties with feeding, or just adjusting to life being responsible for a brand new human. Here we’re sharing practical tips you might not have thought of to support a new parent in your life

Navigating life with a new baby can be tricky for many; research has shown that lots of mums don’t feel either informed or supported in the postpartum stage of their life, whether that’s with mental health support, or even household jobs. Many guests bring lovely gifts to spoil the newborn, but can neglect to consider what parents actually need help with. So, if your friend or family member is soon to be welcoming a child into the world, here are some practical ways you can show them some support.

1. Work with them to find the best time to visit

While there’s nothing quite as precious as a cuddle with a newborn, ensure you find a time to visit that works for the parents. Don’t try to guess when they’ll be up for visitors; some mums might not feel recovered enough to accommodate guests in the early weeks, while others might be keen to have company as soon as they’re home from hospital.

Dropping them a message to congratulate them and enquire when they’d be up for a visit is a great idea. And remember, even if you’re in the area, don’t just pop by unannounced – nobody wants to be responsible for waking a sleeping baby!

2. Offer practical help when you arrive

Some mums might just want a chat over a cuppa, but do offer practical help where you can (and make sure you brew up yourself rather than expecting the new parents to serve it). Try not to create additional work with your visit, and instead provide an extra pair of hands – some mums might be happy to hand over their baby for a cuddle so they can have a hot shower, while others might prefer to stay closer. If that’s the case, offer to make them lunch or do the washing up while they’re busy feeding. Before you’re due to drop by, it can be worth asking if they need anything grabbing from the shops to save them making a trip as well.

These small jobs can make a real difference. “New mums will prioritise the baby’s needs over their own, so making sure she is eating and drinking enough is really important,” says Natasha Crowe, a psychotherapist who specialises in fertility, motherhood, and perinatal support.

3. Ask about mum

Pregnancy can be such a joyous time for mums-to-be, but the postpartum period that follows can bring new mum’s back to earth with a bit of a bump! With so much fussing over baby, mum’s needs are often missed – yet the ‘baby blues’ are very common in the first few weeks, with symptoms including feeling irritable, emotional for no reason, or anxious, so don’t forget to offer a listening ear to any new mums.

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When a loved one is struggling, it’s natural to want to help – but sometimes trying to fix the problem causes more harm than good

If you’re anything like me, your natural instinct, when faced with a problem, is to fix it. Figuring out the root of the problem, untangling it and finding a solution is incredibly satisfying, but something I’ve learnt time and time again is that not every problem is fixable (and not every problem is my responsibility to fix).

This is especially true when a loved one is struggling with their mental health. A big part of me wants to fix it for them. After all, I’ve written about mental health for nearly 10 years, I have mental health first aid training, I have coaching training – surely I can help, right?

And yes, I can help... to a degree. Having this knowledge is helpful. Having an understanding of mental health and knowing where to find professional support is useful.

The issue comes when I jump into ‘fix-it’ mode when the truth is, mental illness isn’t always fixable and it isn’t something we can do for others. In my experience, trying to ‘fix’ something isn’t only a little useless, it can even be harmful. When you’re constantly offering solutions, it can make the person opening up to you feel like they’re simply not trying hard enough, which isn’t the case.

As I continue to work on my own desire to find solutions, these are the tools I’m using to support, without trying to fix.

Listen, actively

If you’re a fellow ‘fixer’ you may notice when a loved one is telling you about what they’re going through, your mind is racing with ideas that could help. This can pull you out of the moment and actually stop you from fully listening. Active listening is a tool that helps you stay present so you can really hear what’s being said.

The Samaritans share a brilliant acronym to help with this: SHUSH

Show you care
Have patience
Use open questions
Say it back
Have courage

Learn more about these tips and listen to Samaritan’s Lucia Capobianco on our podcast, I am. I Have.

Ask how you can best support them

This is a question I learnt to ask early on in my current relationship. When my partner was going through a tough time and talking it through with me, I would offer solutions and didn’t understand why he didn’t seem responsive. Eventually, I asked, “How can I best support you?” And he told me all he wanted was for me to listen, say “Yeah, that sucks” and give him a hug. Sometimes we just need to be held and told we’re not alone.

Of course, everyone is different, and people may want different things on different days, so try to ask this regularly. If the person says “I don’t know”, remind them you’re there for them and consider signposting.

Signpost to further support

While we may not be in a posi

If you were told that you have the capability to achieve anything you want, would you accept it, or would you begin to think about all of the things that would get in your way? It’s time to end all that negativity. Here, we set out seven steps to help create unstoppable success from within

Your mind doesn’t know the difference between positive and negative thoughts. If you tell yourself you’re stupid or not good enough, guess what? Your mind will believe you. That one thought will seep into your subconscious, and every time something doesn’t go to plan you will say: “See? I knew I couldn’t do this.” You reaffirm what you believe is true, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it’s time to put a stop to this self-sabotage; here are seven steps to help you completely reset your brain when you need it to step into your true greatness!

1. Change your personal preconceptions

Your personal preconceptions are made up of two layers: past experiences that have affected you before; and the core beliefs those experiences have created within you.

The past experiences will have had either a positive or negative effect on the way you perceive yourself. This will lead to the beliefs and core values (the current set of rules that you are living your life by) which have created your boundaries, fears, and doubts.

Think about any memorable moments that have had a negative effect on you, and what limiting beliefs you are holding on to as a direct result of them.

2. Rewriting your past

According to a study by Dr Julia Shaw, a psychological scientist at University College London, 50% of your memories have been distorted. This shows that our brains cannot tell the difference between true or false memories, which subsequently can lead to us changing the past and accepting things as you see them now, not necessarily how they actually were.

When you think back to a memory that was a negative experience for you, ask yourself these two questions: what did I learn from that experience? How has it made me stronger?

Reflecting on these questions allows your mind to seek positivity. Release any pain, forgive openly, and fuel yourself with the strength those experiences have already given you.

3. Start creating the new you

Your values are a list of things that are important to you in your life. Examples of these could be kindness, honesty, loyalty, compassion, and ambition. Jot down what values you’d like to have, without any limitations.

Your core beliefs are a set of rules you have about yourself, and how you want to live your life. Categories could include happiness, wealth, success, and family. Your core beliefs are the things that you hold important. Write down what you’d like your core beliefs to be, without any limitations.

4. Quit the negative self-talk

When a negative thought enters your head, you have the power to change it into a positive thought, which will then completely alter your perception of the world.

I picture any negative comments in my head as a passing cloud that is floating by. I allow it to pass without a

With the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life, it’s easy for our mental health to go unnoticed, which can lead to problems down the line. Luckily, as simple as brushing your teeth, there are steps you can take to keep your mind healthy

So, how can we protect our mental health?

1. Speak to someone you trust

If you’re having a low mental health day, it might feel easier to bottle up your emotions. But, talking to someone you trust can help you change the way you’re feeling. Not only can it help you to get things off your chest, but you might also build a better connection with that person so that you can build a support network together. Having somebody you can turn to, whether that’s a partner, friend, or colleague, who will listen to your concerns is a great step towards healing.

2. Spend more time in nature

Even if it's just for a moment to pause and reflect, spending time outdoors can be a calming experience. You might decide to go on a walk, or sit on a bench and take in the sights, smells, and sounds around you. Being in nature, however you chose to do it, gives us a sense of grounding and inner peace.  

You can read about other natural ways to boost your mental health here.

3. Get a good night’s sleep

For those that suffer from sleeping problems like insomnia, this is easier said than done. Adults need a minimum of seven hours of sleep per night, and if we’re lacking this, we feel it.

If you’re struggling to sleep, try switching up your nighttime routine. Start ‘winding down’ about an hour before you want to go to bed - you could have a relaxing bath or do some light reading. It’s also a good idea to avoid distractions like TVs or phones right before bed, as well as caffeine, as these can hinder your ability to fall and stay asleep.

4. Eat healthy food

We might seek a temporary ‘high’ from sugary foods and drink, but this is often followed by a crash - leaving you feeling more tired than before. In order to maintain energy, alertness and fuel your brain, a balanced diet is essential.

Food and our feelings can often get caught up in one another. Sometimes we might over-eat when we feel stressed for comfort, or under-eat if we are upset.  Eating a balanced diet doesn’t have to be boring. You could cook and eat with friends or family, sparking the conversation around mental health and making healthy eating an enjoyable experience.

If you're worried about the cost of living, read our guide on how to eat healthily for less.

5. Understand your feelings

How we feel can sometimes be overwhelming - whether that’s a state of happiness or sadness. If we don’t try to understand our feelings, these emotions can be heightened and impact our daily activities, such as sleeping, working, or relaxing.

It might feel difficult to pay attention to the way we are feeling but, wi

What is self-destructive behaviour, why do we develop destructive patterns, and what can we do to move past these negative behaviours?

Have you ever found yourself doing something, even though you know it’s not good for you? We all engage in behaviours that aren’t good for us from time to time. Whether unintentional or intentional, self-destructive behaviour can include any kind of behaviour that harms you physically or mentally. But what kinds of self-destructive behaviours are we most likely to take part in, how do you know if what you’re doing is self-destructive, and what can you do to break these unhealthy behaviour patterns?

What is self-destructive behaviour?

Self-destructive behaviours can include a wide range of activities, habits, and actions. Generally speaking, anything that is certain to cause you harm (physically or emotionally) is a form of self-destructive behaviour. Some are easier to spot, while others may be more difficult to identify. Self-destructive behaviours can include:

• Binge eating (a commonly misunderstood eating disorder, where you feel unable to stop eating large quantities of food) or under-eating.
• Compulsive behaviours (e.g. shopping, gaming, or gambling to the point where you spend more than you can afford or have no time for anything else).
• Self-harm (injuring yourself on purpose, as a way to regain a sense of control or cope with difficult emotions when feeling overwhelmed or upset).
• Engaging in risky activities (e.g. impulsive or risky sexual encounters with strangers or sex workers, cheating on your partner, drinking too much alcohol or taking illegal drugs to the point you feel out of control).
• Attempting suicide.

You may also have other, often harder to recognise signs of self-destructive behaviour that you are doing without realising it. This could include:

• Changing things about yourself in an attempt to please others.
• You put everyone else first, without considering what you want (unnecessary martyrdom or self-sacrifice).
• Staying with or clinging to someone who is not interested in you or is not healthy for you to be around.
• Engaging in self-derogatory or self-deprecating behaviours or language (e.g. insisting you aren’t attractive, capable, intelligent, or ‘good’ enough. Refusing to take credit for your own hard work or successes).
• You refuse help.
• Exhibiting aggressive or alienating behaviour to push others away or as a method of protecting yourself.
• You neglect yourself physically or mentally (e.g. frequently not getting enough or poor quality sleep, skipping meals or exercise, not having a self-care routine, not seeking support for ill mental health).
• Chronic procrastination or avoidance.
• Wallowing in self-pity while refusing to make helpful or healthy changes.
• You have a self-defeating mindset (you tell yourself you’re going to fail or you can’t do something before you even try).
• You hold yourself back (you try to appear less capable or intelligent, to lower others' expectations of you and decrease your chances of failure).

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