What is sapiosexuality, what does it mean, and how can it affect our relationships?

Attraction. Sometimes it can be hard to define but there’s no denying that we like what we like, and exploring and embracing those desires can be great not only for our relationships, but our mental health, wellbeing, and sexual satisfaction.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling more attracted to someone’s mind over their body, it could be a sign that you may be sapiosexual.

What does it mean to be sapiosexual?

Sapiosexuality means that you find intelligence sexually attractive or arousing. A type of sexuality, in order to feel sexually attracted to someone, sapiosexuals first have to feel intellectually stimulated.

In use since 1998, the term has become more mainstream since the mid-2010s, when dating sites began including sapiosexual as a sexual orientation option. The term itself is derived from the Latin sapere, meaning to be wise or to have sense.

If you are sapiosexual, the first thing you might notice about a potential partner is likely to be their intelligence. You find the way other people’s minds work, or how intellectual they are, to be attractive. You may not find other common points of attraction people talk about (e.g. height, shape, hair colour, humour, body type, facial features) to be something that you find attractive or stimulating in and of itself. Sapiosexuals often do not feel lust, desire, or sexual gratification without first being stimulated on an intellectual level.

Can anyone be sapiosexual?

Anyone can identify as sapiosexual alongside being heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, or any number of other sexualities. You may find yourself attracted to men, women, those who identify as trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, or those of any gender or sexual identity.

One 2011 study revealed that intelligence may actually be one of the top three traits we look for in a potential partner – meaning attraction to intelligence could be a lot more common than we realise.

Is sapiosexuality the same as demisexuality?

Being demisexual is not the same as being sapiosexual. Someone who is demisexual needs to form an emotional bond before they can feel sexual or romantic attraction. A sapiosexual may immediately feel attraction if they experience intellectually stimulating conversations or debates.

Is sapiosexuality really an orientation?

As a relatively new term, it does come with some controversy, as some believe sapiosexuality is not an orientation, but a type of attraction (alongside types of attraction such as romantic, emotional, sexual, physical, or platonic). However, many who describe themselves as sapiosexual say that intelligence, for them, is more than just one quality they appreciate in a potential partner: it is the driving force behind their sexual attraction.

For some, using the term can be seen as controversial, as some critics have called sapiosexuality a form of discrimination, as well as calling it elitist, Read more

Feeling lost and uninspired with your career? Ask yourself the following questions…

We spend a large portion of our days, weeks, and lives at work, to the point where, often, the time we spend on developing our careers and businesses outweighs time with friends and families.

This isn’t necessarily negative; hopefully our work supports us to live with meaning. But, sometimes, we may not feel aligned to our role, or valued by our employer, or feel positively challenged by our job. Perhaps, our values no longer match with the organisation we work for, or the lack of career progression may be holding us back.

As with all areas of life, things can change. Our ambition might outgrow the current role we have at work.

Maybe we are returning from maternity leave with a renewed sense of identity, perhaps we have a new manager who doesn’t support our career ambitions, or we realise that a 50-hour working week isn’t for us anymore. It’s common to have these thoughts, and to feel out of sync with our working life for some time before we review and act towards change. Job security and financial stability can outweigh the possible risks that come with a career move, and we can start to feel ‘stuck’ instead of curious.

But the pandemic has created a shift in workplace culture, and the changes towards flexible working have provided new opportunities, reduced commuting, and minimised office politics for many. As a life and career coach, many of the clients I work with share thoughts on wanting to make a positive impact through their work, wanting to feel more fulfilled, and to have more of a balance between work and home.

As with all big life decisions, it is important to move through the fear that we first notice, and into a place of open-minded possibility. So, ask yourself these five questions that can help you to reconnect with your career path and purpose.

1. Is your work ‘meaningful’ right now?

Having a sense of purpose in our work keeps us motivated and allows us to feel connected to something bigger than ourselves. What do you love most about your role right now? Assess how your company’s values align with your own personal ones. Make a note of when you can influence positive change in your projects. Recall the colleagues that inspire you, who share your vision for a supportive work environment.

2. Is your current role making you feel valued?

Knowing that we are making a difference, and that our time and contributions matter, is how we feel fulfilled. Reflect on recent feedback, and note the contributions you have been thanked for. Assess where and how you enable your team and organisation to achieve objectives – does this make you feel proud? Being appreciated helps our motivation. Who is championing you and sees your potential?

3. What new skills are you learning through work?

Our capacity for learning is endless, and each opportunity for growth taps into our potential. Access to learning and development keeps us engaged and motivated, whether this is through formal learning, observing, or saying ‘yes’ to new experiences. Does your curre

Scientists have found that merely viewing images of beautiful landscapes or cuddly animals can induce a sense of tranquillity in these troubled times. Welcome to Project Soothe… and here’s how you can take part

Perhaps it’s daybreak, as the sun rises over a rolling, verdant landscape. It could be the afternoon, as a cat cuddles a soft, white toy and sleeps peacefully in bed. Or maybe it’s evening, and the sun sets over a mountain, green trees framing a pinky-purple ocean.

These tranquil scenes are among the most soothing photographs taken by ordinary people, designed to relax and calm. Today, scientists at Project Soothe, a research website of super-soothing images like these, say that “landscapes, water features, trees and flowers, animals, and skies” all induce a sense of ease and calm.

Project Soothe is a global citizen-science project based at the University of Reading. “Our goal is to collect soothing images by you and me, to help people self-soothe,” says Professor Stella Chan, who founded the project in 2015.

Professor Chan was working with patients with brain injuries when she discovered that imagery can calm and quieten patients. She says she found that not everyone could “imagine” their own picture in their mind’s eye. So, she decided to gather photographic images for the patients to view and self-calm.

It works, too. I spent an hour looking at photos of my two cats and a roaring fireplace: things I love dearly and like to spend time with after a day at work. I felt happy and warm inside after viewing them. The pastel pink colour of one cat’s ears stood out as particularly cute to me, and it immediately made me feel very happy and calm.

A recent study shows I’m not alone, and we all have a shared understanding of what soothe means to us – feeling calm, relaxed, and at ease. One man taking part in the study said: “Feeling soothed is in the moment, present-focused, relaxed.” A woman added: “It’s a state of aloneness or detachment from my surroundings where I feel calm, warm, safe, and secure.”

Some people find mindfulness meditation is a source of soothing for them, too. One woman said: “I listened to a short mindfulness audio tape, which helped me to focus on my breath. It helped me to focus through visualisation, and I got a sense of strength and calm after listening to the audio tape.”

Another participant said: “I was in bed, relaxed and with music on and I was soothed when knowing that all my work and tasks were done. I was both happy and optimistic.”

Human stories like these, along with others, show us that we agree on what’s soothing: solitude, affiliation, mindfulness, connection with nature, and physical sensations.

Now these findings from researchers are helping mental health practitioners and clinicians support individuals to develop self-soothing strategies. And the sense of soothing extends to young people, too.

Project Soothe is working with young people with Read more

A new training programme from The Sleep Charity has been launched to help us get better sleep

Sleep is vital for our health and wellbeing, and yet 40% of the adult population have experienced sleep issues, which go on to impact their mood, behaviour, concentration, and overall productivity. Even so, if you’re going through difficult phases with sleep, it can feel as though there is nowhere to turn, and few solutions to the problem.

In a survey conducted by The Sleep Charity, 57% of UK adults shared that they felt there is a lack of support for people with sleep issues, and 48% went on to say that companies should offer support for staff who are having trouble sleeping.

According to the NHS, upon visiting a GP to talk about a sleep problem such as insomnia, they will usually try to uncover what the cause may be, and then refer you to the right treatment. For example, you might be referred to a therapist for cognitive behaviour therapy, which may help change thoughts and behaviours around sleeping. Sleeping pills are also sometimes, though rarely, prescribed for a few days or weeks at most.

In a bid to offer practical support, The Sleep Charity has launched a five-part course which explores a range of topics including sleep psychology, insomnia, menopause, mental health, and ageing.

Developed by leading sleep science expert, Professor Jason Ellis, five modules each work through the topics, asking and answering questions such as, what is normal sleep? How much do we need? And, how do sleep problems develop?

“We are delighted to be working with Professor Jason Ellis on these courses, truly focussing on adult sleep and the effects that ageing, menopause and mental health issues can have on sleep and overall wellbeing,” said Lisa Artis, The Sleep Charity’s deputy CEO.

“We've had some incredible feedback from our Workplace Sleep Ambassador training courses and wanted to expand our training options specifically for those working and supporting adults to further empower the whole nation to sleep better.”

The courses come following on from a time when there was an increase in the number of people struggling to fall asleep during lockdown – with a study from King’s College London and Ipsos finding that more than half of people experienced some form of sleep problem during that time.

“Not surprisingly we are all experiencing mounting levels of stress,” explains psychotherapist and Hypnotherapy Directory member Ann Hamilton, told us at the time.

“Stress can make it difficult to concentrate, enjoy emotional balance and restful sleep. Increased cortisol elevates the stress response and shifts the sleep-wake balance in the brain, which increases sleep fragmentation and ultimately leads to insomnia.”

If you would like to learn more about The Sleep Charity’s new modules, visit thesleepcharity.org.uk, or you can call the National Sleep Helpline on 03303 530 541, calls are charged at your standard network rate.

In the past five years, over 7 million teacher days have been lost due to mental health issues, particularly heightened during the pandemic. Unsuitable workloads, pressure, increased class sizes, and low pay could all be to blame

In the last year, studies by the Observer have revealed that teacher sick days are up by 7% across council-controlled schools in England and Wales, with this number up nearly a fifth compared to the same period three years ago. Areas particularly affected include Kent and Hampshire, with Kent seeing 91,679 teaching days lost in the 21-22 school year.

Existing pressures, such as increased class sizes, coupled with a below-inflation pay rise proposal, have taken a toll on teachers’ mental health and wellbeing. The impact of the Covid pandemic has also heightened the issue, with Liberal Democrat education spokesperson Munira Wilson commenting: “The Covid inquiry must also look into the impact the government’s mishandling of the pandemic had on the mental health of teachers and other frontline workers.”

During the pandemic, many teachers have had to take on extra work, leading to burnout. If this pressure continues, the existing teacher shortage could be set to worsen. As it is, 40% of teachers leave their jobs within the first 10 years of qualifying, according to Julie McCulloch, Policy Director at the Association of School and College Leaders.

Despite the upcoming Covid inquiry, which is set to launch an ‘Education Staff Wellbeing Charter’ off the back of it, there is a risk that the crisis could get worse before it gets better.

So, what can we do about it? Here, Dr Julie Smith discusses how to manage burnout.

How to deal with burnout

We can all experience burnout if we overdo it, whether in our personal lives or at work.

Before practising techniques to combat burnout, it’s important to recognise the signs and symptoms in the first place:

• exhaustion
• distancing yourself from others
• negative attitude toward work
• lack of motivation
• physical symptoms, such as aches and pains

Stress and burnout are related, though not the same. Burnout is chronic stress. If you’re stressed at work, you might feel like your workload is too demanding and you have a lot of pressure, but this feeling typically stops once the workload calms down. Being burnt out often means you feel as if you are completely drained of your energy and have nothing more to give. The goal is to recognise your stress before it escalates into burnout.

Once you’ve identified you’re stressed or burnt out, try to understand the root cause of it and discuss how you’re feeling with your manager, HR, or your colleagues. If it becomes too much, you may consider finding a different job.

It’s also a good idea to set boundaries at work, and stick to them. For example, ensure you log off at a certain time and try to avoid doing work tasks at home. It can be easy to quickly start