Emotionally unstable personality disorder is a label that can evoke a negative response. As a result, revealing your diagnosis to a partner can be anxiety-inducing, and sometimes exacerbate the traits you live with. This is why it’s important to better understand yourself, to help forge stronger relationships

As the name suggests, emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) involves a lot of intense fluctuations in moods and emotions. Unsurprisingly, this can often lead to difficulties forming and maintaining relationships, as you can be seen as harmful or destructive. People with EUPD’s view of the world can also be very black and white, thus creating a finality to their perspective – for example, you’ve done a bad thing, ergo you’re a bad person.

Given the complexity of the disorder, alongside a general lack of knowledge in the public eye, EUPD has been demonised. Consequently, those who learn of a potential partner’s disorder may be cautious to form a relationship; they fear running foul of these ‘toxic traits’. Although relationships with someone with EUPD can be challenging, this isn’t to say they can’t be successful and long-lasting. The key to navigating the turbulence of this disorder is to better understand what you need from yourself, and from your partner. Here are some things to keep in mind as you navigate a new relationship.

Your feelings are valid

As counsellor Jean Watson sees it, validation is a key coping mechanism: “It’s important in helping achieve a deeper understanding of your emotions. This then allows you to explore a more appropriate level of response and affect change.”

Validating your emotions is one of the most important ways of helping you reconnect with what’s going on around you. It can be easy for people with EUPD to invalidate themselves, believing that their emotions aren’t worthy, eventually leading to withdrawal and dissociation. This can then create more friction in the relationship. When you listen to those feelings instead of ignoring them, it enables you to work through them more effectively.

Live in the moment

Due to the intensity of emotions felt, people with EUPD can sometimes be quick to act without consideration – you may run on autopilot instead of listening to how you feel. This is where living in the moment comes into play. By recognising how you’re feeling, you can be mindful of how that affects you. For example, if you’re angry, does your body become tense, do you feel hot, are you shaking?

Choosing to concentrate on yourself, rather than succumbing to your urges, means that you can better learn what your true emotions are. However, this process needs to be done in a non-judgemental way; remove personal judgements and be gentle with yourself. Remember to observe and be aware, rather than react.

Understand your primary and secondary emotions

Related to living in the moment, it’s important to recognise which emotions you’re experiencing. For example,

Feeling tired or experiencing more headaches than normal? You might put it down to a poor night's sleep, but you could be overlooking the signs of an iron deficiency

Iron deficiency anaemia is when the body can’t produce enough red blood cells, which carry oxygen, due to the lack of iron. It’s a very common condition, often going unnoticed by many because the early symptoms are so mild.

So, what are the signs of an iron deficiency?

1. Feeling more tired than normal

You might put tiredness down to a late night or poor night’s sleep, but if you are feeling extremely tired, and it persists, it could be a sign you’re lacking in iron. As iron deficiency means there are fewer red blood cells to carry oxygen, our muscles are denied energy, which makes us more lethargic.

2. Pale skin

Haemoglobin (the protein in our blood cells) is what gives our blood its red colour. When there is a lack of iron, it typically leads to paleness of the skin. Keep an eye out, particularly, for the loss of colour around the eyelids, gums and nails.

3. Shortness of breath

As our muscles don’t receive oxygen, we will increase our breathing rate to compensate. This is more noticeable with tasks that wouldn't normally see you short of breath.

4. Noticeable heartbeat

Heart palpitations are more noticeable in people with iron deficiency anaemia. Due to the lack of red blood cells carrying oxygen around the body, the heart has to work even harder to pump as much oxygen as possible. This might also lead to abnormal or irregular beating and heart murmurs in cases where iron deficiency is prolonged.

5. Feeling more anxious

A lack of oxygen as a result of low iron can heighten our senses and cause feelings of panic and anxiety. This is particularly noticeable in people that may not usually be anxious, but it can be easily resolved by increasing iron intake.

How to increase iron levels

If you suspect you might have an iron deficiency, no matter how mild, it’s important you take the steps to address it before it could get worse.

Talk to your GP

Your doctor will likely arrange for a blood test to check your iron levels. From here, they can assess the severity and recommend ways to bring your haemoglobin levels back up to normal.

It's important to speak to a healthcare professional, as they will be able to check whether there are any underlying causes of your low iron levels, such as heavy periods, or whether your low iron has contributed to anything else that you might be unaware of. Your blood test will also check for other types of anaemia, such as vitamin B12 deficiency and folate anaemia. It’s helpful to understand that iron deficiency is the most common type of anaemia, so you’re not alone and it can be easily addressed.

Change your diet

You might be able to bring your iron levels up naturally, by increasing your intake of iron-rich foods, such as spinach, kale, eggs, red meat, brown rice, and tofu. You should also ensure you are getting sufficient levels of vitamin C, as this is needed to absorb the iron more easily so it can work effectively. Most importantly, make sure you’re getting a Read more

If you are irritable after skipping breakfast, or your mood goes haywire an hour before dinner, you’ll know that being hungry can affect your emotions. Here we examine the science behind being ‘hangry’, and why how you feel often depends on what you eat

We’ve all seen the Snickers advert with the tagline: “You’re not you when you’re hungry.” While it’s a lighthearted take at feeling ravenous, it turns out that the science behind hunger impacting your mood is actually pretty solid. And there’s plenty of reasons why being hungry can actually affect your mood, and even your relationships.

A study of married couples found that anger towards spouses was greater when glucose levels were lowest, which is when we feel hungriest. But how exactly does hunger impact our mood and, more importantly, what can we do about it?

Let’s start by talking about why it happens. Whatever we eat (whether that’s a full English breakfast or a superfood smoothie) is digested into helpful things like amino acids and sugars, which are then absorbed into the bloodstream and used around the body for all sorts of functions to help keep us alive. A few hours later, our blood sugar level drops, and that’s what makes you feel hungry.

This is actually a really useful cycle, but if we’re rushed off our feet, or don’t have food close to hand, then other changes start to kick in to remind us that we need to start eating again. That’s when our fight-or-flight mechanism gets going, thanks to a big adrenaline boost, making us feel emotions such as anger, anxiety, or a general sense of stress and panic.

This was ideal in caveman times, when we needed a signal to hunt, but less useful nowadays if you’re in the middle of an important work meeting, and suddenly feel rage.

If you’re not eating, your brain wants to boost blood sugar, so it sends signals to other parts of your body to release more hormones to help. These include our stress hormones, which also trigger perceived ‘negative’ emotions like stress or anger.

Nutritionist VJ Hamilton explains: “When blood sugar gets low, which may happen when you haven’t eaten for a while, it triggers several hormones to be released in the body, including adrenaline linked to the fight-or-flight response, and cortisol, known as the stress hormone. These hormones are released to bring blood sugar back into balance, but both adrenaline and cortisol can affect mood and cause aggression in some people.”

There’s plenty of research to show that being hungry can make you feel more negative: research on university students found people who were hungry reported more unpleasant emotions – such as feeling stressed, or even hateful – and had a more negative attitude to the researchers in the study.

If you’re not eating enough throughout the day, this can cause physical symptoms, too. “Often people feel tired and develop headaches if their blood sugar regulation is not in check, especially if they develop a couple of hours after eating. You may also feel hungry and crave sugary foods,” says VJ.

Of course, it’s worth m

Are you a people pleaser? If so, Psychotherapist Tasha Bailey (AKA Real Talk Therapist) has some words of wisdom, practical tools and alternatives that might help you live a more colourful life without resentment

“I describe people pleasing in two ways,” Psychotherapist Tasha Bailey explains on Happiful’s podcast I am. I have. “The first way is more general, it’s a tendency to put ourselves last and we put everyone else’s needs above our own. That might come from a place of wanting to be liked or a fear of rejection.

“The second definition is people pleasing as a trauma response,” she continues. “If we’ve grown up in a household where our needs were never met, or always at the bottom of the list, we’ll learn to do that to ourselves as if we don’t matter. We become caretakers. We might end up being in friendships or relationships where we look after other people’s feelings, or even in jobs where we do that, and forget to look after ourselves.”

These descriptions will resonate with so many readers who struggle with this trait. In many ways, as Tasha expands upon, people pleasing behaviours can be all too easy to adopt when trying to find or maintain our place in the world from an early age. However, that’s all the more reason to address them in adulthood.

“Niceness, being a hard worker and all giving, especially as a woman or a person of colour, is really glorified in society. So when you’re thinking about looking after your own needs, you can often go to a place of thinking ‘that’s selfish of me’, or go to a place of guilt but then you’re not being looked after.

“What will happen is that will tire us out emotionally and physically, so we have to work out how to look after a bit of both. Me first, yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to drop everything, it just means I’m going to be more considerate of how I put myself first here.”

We speak with integrative psychotherapist and counsellor, Jeremy Sachs, to learn more about psychodynamic therapy, its benefits, and how to find out if it’s the right approach for you

Whether you’re struggling with a specific issue, or are looking for someone to talk things over with, there are many different reasons why you may reach out and start counselling. But did you know that there are a variety of different approaches out there that could help? Finding the right one that best suits your needs can feel overwhelming; that’s why it’s important to learn more about specific types and approaches.

What is psychodynamic therapy?

Also known as psychodynamic counselling, psychodynamic therapy is a therapeutic approach that embraces the work of all analytic therapies. In essence, psychodynamic therapy is based on the idea that our unconscious thoughts and perceptions develop throughout our childhood, affecting how we behave and think now.

A psychodynamic therapist is interested in your past, how you adapted to the people and environment in your past, and how these people and experiences shaped you. They believe how we relate to other people now is based on these beliefs/experiences from our childhood.

By working with a psychodynamic counsellor, you can unravel these deep-rooted feelings, to resolve the painful memories that you have unconsciously been holding on to. They can help you see where you might need to unlearn, relearn, or change the ways you see the world.

Integrative psychotherapist and counsellor, Jeremy Sachs, explains more: “Psychodynamic psychotherapy reflects on these key areas: the relationship between the client and therapist, the informative early experiences, and relationships of the client’s childhood, and their subconscious. The therapist will be interested in what the client believes about themselves, their relationships, and how they interact with the world as, often, these beliefs can be the source of psychological pain.”

What should I expect from psychodynamic therapy?

Using a variety of different techniques, at its core, psychodynamic therapy relies on the interactions between you and your therapist to reveal your unconscious. But what does that actually mean, and what can it help with?

Jeremy says: “Entering psychodynamic therapy, one could expect to examine past experiences that may feel particularly painful in the present. These could be losses, or instances that are traumatic. Alternatively, someone new to psychodynamic therapy may feel stuck, depressed, or anxious.

“Psychodynamic therapy can also be a useful mode of therapy for personality disorders. It is often called ‘deeper’ therapy, as it examines the root causes of pain, and is often long-term.”

What are the benefits?

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