Accepting and sharing your authentic self is a huge milestone, and one that there should be no set timeline for – it’s all about your needs, and when you feel ready. Here, psychotherapist Bhavna Raithatha explores the journey of ‘coming out’ as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, at any stage of life

Coming out refers to the acknowledgement and sharing of a person’s sexual or gender affirmative identity to family, close friends, and, in time, the wider world. This journey is undertaken by thousands of people around the world every year, but it is not an easy one.

This is especially true for older individuals, who may be in their 40s, all the way up to those in their 90s and above, who grew up in times when coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or identifying as queer (LGBTQIA+) was not only frowned upon by their families and wider society, but, in much of the world, was illegal and punishable by law.

For this community, coming out could have meant harassment from the law, and imprisonment, even with very little evidence, as in the case of Lord Montagu of Beaulieu, who in the 1950s was publicly humiliated through the law courts because of his association with military personnel who were gay. In some countries, it could even mean a death sentence. This is still the case in many places around the world today, and alarmingly, laws are being repealed that once were supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Being LGBTQIA+ doesn’t just happen suddenly; most of us know or have an inkling that we are different from a very young age, but due to our situations, including for some a strict religious upbringing, living authentically is not always safe or possible.

We are used to hearing of people coming out in their teens and 20s, however, as society becomes a little more accepting, there is a higher incidence of people coming out in later years. Recent numbers from the Office of National Statistics indicate that 3.1% of the UK population aged over 16+ identified as LGB in 2020. Unfortunately, results for those identifying as trans aren’t available.

This could be helped, in part, by better representation in the public eye, as some well-known people who came out in later life include Wanda Sykes, Anderson Cooper, Sir Ian McKellen, and Cynthia Nixon. Seeing others pave the way can be hugely helpful to individuals on their own path, too.

But every person has a unique story, and timing for when it is right to share your true feelings can vary. Reasons for not coming out earlier can include expectations and pressure in varying degrees from family and society to follow accepted norms, or to not bring perceived shame or dishonour to the family. For many, the threat to their careers and income was the primary factor in the past. In fact, people were not allowed to serve in the Army and be LGBTQIA+ – this rule was only repealed in the year 2000.

Many in the LGBTQIA+ community have felt pressured into heteronormative lives –

If you're feeling a little out of sorts, find out how a meditative practice could help you re-connect your body and mind  

Meditation practice can help bridge the gap between our emotional response to events of the past and the emotions associated with the anticipation of the future - both of which strongly influence our present experience. Meditation practice can therefore be a tool for being mindful of our relation to the past and future, contemplating the effect this has on our wellbeing and how we can be more present in this moment, while not being negatively influenced by past and future experiences.

The term “meditation” refers to a variety of practices that focus on mind and body integration and are used to calm the mind and enhance overall wellbeing. Some types of meditation involve maintaining a mental focus on a particular sensation, such as breathing, a sound, a visual image, or a mantra, which is a repeated word or phrase. Other forms of meditation include the practice of mindfulness, which involves maintaining attention or awareness of the present moment without making judgments.

Meditation might be an ancient practice but its benefits for reducing stress, and improving overall mood, focus, sleep, and wellbeing transcend centuries. Meditation can help connect our emotions from the past and our eagerness for the future, and that’s why it teaches us how to become more present in life.

Living more mindfully, by focusing your attention on the present moment without judgement, is a wonderful way to ease stress and anxiety while creating a sense of peace and serenity within, that allows you to pause when agitated, and make more calm, productive choices.

Why not try guided meditation with Happiful?

Picture this: you finally sit down to practice some meditation, but as soon as you close your eyes, however much you try to stay focused on your breathing, your mind begins to wander - to work worries, that task you forgot to do, that problem that needs solving. Sound familiar? The good news is this is completely normal - emotions and feelings that we have suppressed throughout the day often come to the surface, sometimes overwhelmingly, in moments of calm.

It's OK if your thoughts wander - at first, they almost certainly will. Over time, you will be able to observe your thoughts when meditating, but not attach to them. Daily meditation, little and often, will allow this control over your thought patterns to come more naturally and these thoughts will disturb the peace of the present moment less and less. Our meditation journey is individual to us, and it might take some of us longer to master than others, but through practice, you will discover that the journey is the important part, not the destination.

Daily meditation can help you perform better at work. Research has found that meditation helps increase your focus and attention and improves your ability to multitask. Meditation helps clear our minds and focus on the present moment, which gives us a huge burst of energy for our tasks and goals. When you can easily concentrate on one activity at a time, your self-esteem grows, which solidifies your feeling of control over the present moment.

Thinking about the ‘worst-case scenario’ isn’t generally a pleasant activity, but it could give you the reassurance you need to proceed with confidence

Planning for a mental health crisis might feel daunting, and it’s important not to get stuck in a negative spiral. But some gentle preparation can be reassuring, helping us to think about what we can do to better support ourselves, or what help we might need from others.

We all have moments when we feel like life is overwhelming, and we need a reset button to start afresh. When you have a mental illness, there can be times when you can find yourself unravelling to the point where you may look to harm yourself, experience suicidal thoughts, or be unsure of whether you are able to keep yourself safe.

Sometimes, when we’re very ill, we can’t express our wants and needs, so having a plan lets the people around us know what to do in times of crisis. Planning before things get rough means you’ll have the right help and support ready to go, which gives you and your loved ones peace of mind.

Planning for difficult times is vital if you live with a long-term mental illness. Your crisis plan should be personalised, so it fits your needs. Here are a few things we can do ourselves to prepare for the future.

Before a crisis hits

Talk to your doctor about treatment options and support in your area, and create a list of what’s available, along with important numbers and opening times for services.

You can also research local or online support groups, and peer support services. People with similar experiences can still offer a different perspective, and can share their insights, as well as advice and coping strategies.

It can also be helpful to put together a box with items you find comforting. Fill it with things that distract your mind from negative thoughts, like your favourite book, movie, and mementoes that remind you of happier times. Together, this prep work will enable you to have support to hand as times get tough.

Make a plan with the people closest to you

When a crisis happens, often loved ones want to do anything in their power to help – but they may be unsure exactly what that is, or what you specifically need. This is why it can be vital to make informal plans with your loved ones, so they clearly understand the next steps and ways they can support you best. Talk it through together, write down what you’ve decided, and ensure everyone has a copy.

The plan should include contact details for your doctor and community support team if you’re too unwell to reach out directly. Let them know what treatments you’d prefer, and which you do not want, which can help them to speak up on your behalf. You should also include how you want them to help you – so add examples of what you will find helpful and what they shouldn’t do, which could be things to say, distractions, activities, etc.

You might want to choose someone you trust to advocate for you to doctors and other professionals, to ensure your needs are met. They can express your views and wishes, and stand up for your rights. It can also be helpful to let your loved ones know what to look out for be

Worried about your gifts not turning up in the post or left your shopping a little late this year? We share 10 thoughtful last-minute gifts you can make, arrange, or easily buy locally, without spending too much time or money

While some of us worry about the Christmas creep, for others, it’s like the holidays suddenly arrive with a shock of panic and a sense of overwhelm. Despite being the same time and date every year, figures show that around one in five of us still try to cram in some last-minute shopping come Christmas Eve. And thanks to our late spending habits, two in five spend more than we mean to.

We all know the best advice: save early, plan ahead, and spread the cost - it’s the thought (not the price tag) that counts. But that doesn’t feel very helpful when you’ve missed the cut-off for gifts to arrive in time in the post, and you’ve still not got everything.

We share 10 simple, affordable (or free) gift ideas you can make or easily buy without waiting for shipping, to help take the last-minute stress out of the holiday season.

Why is Christmas shopping so stressful?

The reasons why many of us find shopping at Christmas to be stressful can vary greatly from person to person. Common causes for our procrastination and feelings of overwhelm can include unrealistic or high expectations (set by ourselves or others), a need to make everything ‘perfect’ or fear of ‘ruining’ Christmas for others if things don’t go exactly as planned.

The overall cost of the holidays (food, travel expenses, gifts, decorations) can also be a significant contributor. Others can feel a growing sense of anxiety, worry or fear that they won’t choose the ‘right’ gift. This emotional insecurity can lead to further procrastination, making us feel worse and worse as time draws on.

While tackling things before they can get out of hand and make us feel worse is often the best course of action, it’s important to remember, it’s never too late to show someone you care.

Psychotherapist and Counselling Directory member, Lisa Ume PGDip (Accredited), B.Sc(hons), explains how you can prepare for the reality of Christmas.

10 last-minute Christmas gifts to show you care (without breaking the bank)

1. Share something you love
Think back over the past year. Has there been a book (physical or audiobook) that has really stuck with you? Easy (and often affordable) to pick up, gifting a book can also give you the time and space to add a personal message explaining why you wanted to share this gift with them, how it made you think about the person you’re gifting it to, or how it made you feel (and hope it will make them feel, too).

Books aren’t your only option. If you’re a podcast fan, why not gift a notebook or a curated digital list of your top podcasts, filled with particular episodes you think your loved one will enjoy? Listening to podcasts can be a grea

As part of a new series of articles, we’ll be exploring how to deepen our connection with the world around us, and embrace the seasonal gifts nature has to offer. So, first let’s set foot into a winter wonderland…

Wrapped in my dressing gown, I pad out on to my front step, into the biting cold darkness of the morning, and listen to the quiet. There is the occasional rumble of a car driving down the nearby dual carriageway, and the twitter of birds waking up, their song abrading the dawn. It is peaceful, tranquil, and I stare down my suburban street, at the orbs of streetlights and the rows of houses where some are still asleep, while others’ windows glow as people make their breakfasts and prepare for another winter’s day.

Despite the often hectic weeks around Christmas and New Year, there is a sense of quiet during winter. Beyond festive parties and presents, this is the perfect time to reflect, and take stock of our lives.

Most of us are familiar with the idea that nature is beneficial to our physical and mental health. But for many, it isn’t entwined in our days. For me, that’s definitely the case. When I go for a hike or spend time in my garden, my mood is lifted, but I don’t do this enough. So, what can I do to increase my connection with nature?

I’ve experienced serious mental health issues in the past – five years ago, I was in hospital, struggling with severe depression. And while low mood and anxiety are still a part of my life, I have moved on a long way since then. Doing things like connecting with nature to benefit my wellbeing seems particularly important as I try to move forwards and reclaim myself.

Can a year of living more seasonally help?

The Wheel of the Year

Observing how nature shifts with the seasons is a joy. Though the skeletal trees may make us think of winter as a time of lack, there is so much happening beneath the surface as the northern hemisphere prepares for spring.

I’m drawn to the idea of the Wheel of the Year, which is how some neo-pagans mark the changing seasons through the observation of eight sabbats spread throughout the year.

From Yule, otherwise known as the winter solstice, on 21 December, the hours of daylight begin to increase, as each day lengthens little by little. This year, I am getting up to watch the sunrise on the solstice – something I have always wanted to do. Clutching a flask of coffee as the sun emerges on the horizon, this will be a chance to reflect on the past year, and set intentions for what I want the next to bring, my hopes expanding as the daily sunlight waxes.

Imbolc is a sabbat marked on 1 February, and celebrates the stirrings of spring. We can plant seeds and think about our hopes growing. I will light a candle and reflect on how the daylight is increasing, and what I need to do to make those intentions I set at Yule become a reality. These little rituals are a way of working with nature, of thinking about how it relates to our lives.

Learning about nature

Learning about nature is also a great way for us to connect with it more. I’m lucky to have a park near where I live where I often go to walk and feed the birds. There is a joy to knowing the breed of each goose I throw seeds to. Lots of beautiful Canada geese are he