The new year brings reminders of new beginnings, but how can we navigate this when we are grieving?  

When we lose someone we love, the passing of time can feel make us feel like we are being forced forward and further away from all that is familiar and from the person we have lost. We may even have a fear that we will forget them, their scent, their touch, as we say goodbye to the year in which our loved one died, and we want to fight with every fibre of our being to press stop.

It is a hugely emotional transition. There are so many reminders of new beginnings at each new year that you can dread the midnight hour. The build-up can be intensely painful because it lasts so long and it isn’t that we feel the loss of our loved one more during this time of year, it just feels worse because there are reminders wherever we look. Everything has changed for us yet the world just carries on as normal as one year makes way for another.

So, how can we manage this transition into the new year without our loved ones?

Understand that it's OK to feel your pain

Grief hurts. A lot. If we didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt. When we lose someone significant in our lives, we are often left with things we still want to say, need and do with them. Recognise this and sit down with yourself. Imagine you could have one more conversation with them. What would you ask them and what would you like to tell them? Write it down - try writing in the form of a letter.

Take your time and be honest - no one will read this unless you want to share it. Follow your instincts and trust the process but try not to keep your focus on the fact that they are no longer alive as this can cause a blockage. Identifying what it is we are scared of or need can help bring new awareness.

Have a plan and get things in the diary

Sometimes we have to force ourselves to stay in the mainstream of living but the more you do, the more you can. Don’t let others railroad you into things that you really don’t want to do or even to be with people you don’t want to be with. Taking regular walks in nature can be a wonderful way to clear your head. Focus on the rhythm of your feet as they walk the earth. This can be incredibly therapeutic on its own.

By making a commitment to things, you are respecting yourself and the memory of your loved one. If you allow your sadness to prevent you from being able to share all of the joy that they brought to your life, the legacy of that love becomes lost, not only to others but to you too. You have a duty to them and to those you love to continue.

Reach out to family and friends

Tell them how you are feeling and have a go-to person you can talk to when you're struggling.

Create a remembrance garden  

Plant some bulbs, a flower, or a shrub and create a special area in your garden. Take care of your little plot and watch it grow. You can add to this over time - look for stones and pebbles to adorn it with. This will give you a good focus. I’ve recently learned that there are micro-organisms in the soil that react with our skin and release endorphins into our body. Endorphins reduce stress and improve our sense of wellbeing. Surviving in our grief isn’t just emotional, it's physical too.

Whether you have an unexplored passion, or want to upskill in order to cultivate new career options, learning can be a lifelong pursuit, and one that opens doors to endless possibilities…

Whether it’s signing up for a short adult education course, or enrolling for a degree, many of us return to education after taking some time away. It can be a hugely positive experience – a chance to learn new skills, develop our career, form new friendships, and immerse ourselves in an interest. But as exciting as it can be, it also brings anxieties around how to adjust, and whether it’s the right move for us.

For me, returning to university after time away was a big change. It took a while to see myself as a student, and get used to new routines. I’m so glad that I made the move though – it’s given me a chance to dedicate time to my passion, meet like-minded people, and to grow in new ways.

The benefits of lifelong learning

To find out more about returning to education, I spoke to life coach Chantal Dempsey. There are, she says, a myriad of benefits to lifelong learning.

“One of the greatest benefits of lifelong education is empowerment,” says Chantal. “Returning to learning not only offers the tools to change career paths, facilitate a promotion, or start a side hustle, it boosts your mindset to unlock ability and confidence. It validates a ‘can do’ attitude that empowers you to believe that anything is possible.” It can also widen your perspectives and understanding of the world, which can be great assets.

You’re likely to have things in common with people on your course. I’ve valued the connections I’ve made with others who share my interest – creative writing – as an adult. It’s lovely to meet like-minded people, as well as the added joy that can come with making new friends.

Our mental health and wellbeing can benefit, too. “As the confidence bucket gets filled by your successes, and your upgrade in skills and knowledge, your subconscious mind takes in the message that you can achieve and you are good enough,” says Chantal. “Confidence and self-esteem are the building blocks of mental health. Increasing them will achieve wonders for your wellbeing.”

Lifelong learning is also good for our overall health. “Research shows a link between learning and the reduction of some illnesses, such as dementia and coronary heart disease,” Chantal explains. “Neuroplasticity, which is basically the functional and structural reshaping of the brain, can happen throughout life to adapt to new information, experiences, and environments. Sustained adult learning simulates the creation and development of new neural pathways, boosting your brain health and power remarkably.”

Finding the right path for you

There are clearly lots of reasons to return to education. But how can we find the path that works for us?

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As many of us head back to normality after the festive break, how can we do so in a gentle and purposeful way?

How are you feeling this week? For those of us who had time off over the holidays, this week marks a return to work, a return to routine and a return to the ‘everyday’. The decorations are coming down, the last of the chocolate is dwindling and the Christmas films have been put to one side for another year.

For some, the New Year offers a clean slate. A sense of renewed energy and vigour as we run headfirst into new habits that promise to change us. Of course, if this works for you, that’s brilliant. Keep going and do what feels good.

For some of us however, that energy may be lacking. If you’re anything like me, winter so far has been peppered with illness and the idea of ‘New Year, new you’ feels a touch grating. Don’t get me wrong, I love the promise a new year holds and getting back into routine feels good… I’m just not in any rush this year. Instead, I want to embrace a gentler start to the year, and I suspect I’m not alone.

If this is resonating, here are a few ideas to enjoy a slower start to the year.

Add things back into your routine slowly

Initially, I had grand plans of jumping head first back into routine this week, including my exercise routine, but the Bank Holiday buffer at the start of the week gave me a moment to pause. I was still feeling quite tired, the days were (and still are) dark and wet, and I wasn’t quite ready to fully emerge from my Christmas cocoon. So instead, I’m inviting routine back in slowly.

I’m back to work for a shorter week this week (thanks to the aforementioned Bank Holiday) and my Pilates class starts back up this week. Other than that though, I’m letting other routines slide. Next week I’ll bring back other forms of exercise, and perhaps even that writing course I have my eye on.

The trick is to bring things back bit by bit. Think of it like acclimating yourself, dipping your toe in the water before diving in.

Audit your social feeds

The messaging at this time of year can be intense, right? I’ve already seen an influx of weight-loss ads and pushes to ‘try X and change your life!’. If you struggle with this, remember you can usually click on ads to say ‘not interested’ to train the algorithm. I also recently tried this from @alexlight_london on Instagram:

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Are you ready to take the first step towards becoming the best version of yourself?

Have you ever wondered what you might achieve if there were no limits? What if you could unlock something within you that would propel you towards your dreams and desires, whatever they might be?

Your ‘potential’ is something that, maybe, you haven’t thought about in a while. When we’re young people, in school, college, and university, we’re encouraged to categorise our skills, and look towards the horizon and the things that we might want to achieve. In our adult lives, that same ambitious drive might have fallen by the wayside a bit.

However, truth be told, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Few of us would claim to have the same self-knowledge back then as we do today, and with that experience under our belts, perhaps right now is the perfect time to return to that challenge of unlocking our potential.

“‘Unlocking your potential’ is a phrase that is commonly used, but what does it actually mean? More importantly, what does it mean to you?” asks life coach Adam Craft. “My perception of unlocking your potential is this: we are all capable of achievement, there’s no doubt about that. The question is what is your potential?”

This will look drastically different for each of us. As Adam points out, for some it might be career oriented – rising to the top, leadership roles, financial goals, or influence on the world around us. For others, it might be linked to health, nurturing our physical health, as well as our mental health. It could be tied up with family, creating a life where we put quality time with the ones we love before everything else.

Getting to the point where we feel we’re reaching our potential might involve identifying the roadblocks that we need to clear. It could be our own self-limiting beliefs, and self-esteem issues, both things that can be worked on with the help of wellbeing professionals. Or you might find that there are practical solutions, and that your specific roadblocks could be things like time restraints, missing skills, or other changes to your lifestyle. That isn’t to say that any of those things are easy to sidestep – this is the very start of a long process, but the first step is to make some time for self-reflection.

“Think about it this way: imagine yourself in the senior years of your life. You’re looking back on your life, reflecting on what you have done, achieved, or made,” Adam says. “Is there something that comes up that you ‘wished’ you pursued more? I will often ask my clients this question when they first start working with me. It’s a great way of highlighting your ‘potentials’ or ‘musts’. From here, my client then knows what their potential is, and we work towards unlocking that. Visualisation is one of the most powerful ways to unlock your potential.”

Life goes by so fast, especially when we’re rushed off our feet, jumping from one task to the next without a moment spare to think about the bigger questions that we might come up against. So this is your sign to make time to