Setting boundaries in any relationship can be tough. But how do we know when to set them, and is there a 'best way' to set boundaries with emotionally draining friends?

Sometimes, our relationships can become emotionally draining. Friendships, where we don’t experience mutual authenticity, attention, and reciprocity, can leave us feeling frustrated, mentally and emotionally drained, and, over time, can even affect our overall sense of wellbeing. Setting healthy boundaries isn’t just important in your romantic and family relationships. Clear boundaries can help create the foundations for long-lasting friendships that can grow and flourish over time.

If you find yourself feeling anxious, tired, or frustrated whenever you talk or spend time with a friend, it can be a sign that your friendship has become emotionally draining. If it feels like you’re spending all or most of your time talking about their issues, like you can’t be yourself or ask for support in return, or you're less excited to spend time with them, it could be a sign that new personal boundaries are needed to get things back on track.

What is a boundary in a friendship?

Boundaries are a simple and clear way of letting others know what you are and aren’t ok with. Setting healthy, effective boundaries can help you to look after yourself by protecting your personal space, as well as your mental health and wellbeing.

Creating boundaries within a friendship allows you both to set out what you want and expect from each other. This doesn’t mean that you have to say yes to every request (especially if any proposed boundaries make you uncomfortable!), but it can make it feel easier to speak up when you are feeling hurt, overwhelmed, offended, or taken for granted.

In this video, Life coach and author Michelle Elman explains more about the benefits of setting boundaries.

What are examples of setting healthy boundaries between friends?

Communication is key to both setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with any friend. What that actually looks like can vary depending on different friendships, and the individuals themselves. But what are some boundaries you might set up, and what could encourage you to take action?

• You’re feeling overwhelmed. Just dealing with our own lives can feel overwhelming. Family issues, work deadlines, financial worries - whatever the cause, you may feel like you’ve got enough to deal with, and don’t have the headspace to take on someone else’s problems right now. Prioritising your own needs is important - and a true friend will understand if you let them know that you’re dealing with too much to give them the time and/or attention they need right

When things go wrong, it can be tempting to throw in the towel. But before you do that, consider the ways you can turn mistakes into valuable lessons

We’re all familiar with the stomach-sinking feelings that come with the realisation that we’ve got something wrong. It could be at work, in our relationships, or out and about in the world – and big or small, these things can stick with us.

Neurologically speaking, there’s a lot going on in our brains when we put a foot wrong. In a 2018 study, neuroscientists at the California Institute of Technology traced how mistakes set off a chain reaction of brain activity and, rapidly, the brain lights up with the kind of activity that deeply encodes information.

But while the face-palming, cringing, and frustrating feelings that accompany mistakes aren’t generally pleasant, there are positives to our missteps.

“Mistakes can add huge value to our lives, and everyone has made at least one mistake in their lifetime,” says life coach Adam Craft. “Mistakes are our opportunity to grow and to gain knowledge. Many people say that they wouldn’t have been where they were in life without making mistakes. The all-important part, though, is learning from them, and understanding how to extract the positives from something that many view as a negative.”

It’s true that we need to reframe the way we feel about mistakes. In fact, a study published in the journal Memory in 2018 found that ‘near-miss’ mistakes can help a person learn faster than if they were to make no errors at all. And another study, published in the Journal of Educational Psychology, found that making deliberate mistakes – such as writing down the wrong answer to a question and then correcting it – can help improve our memory.

All that said, whether it comes from perfectionism or people-pleasing tendencies, many of us struggle in the face of our mistakes. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Have you gone wrong somewhere down the line? Follow this roadmap to turning mistakes into lessons.

Acknowledge and accept

“Sounds easy right?” Adam says. “You may feel guilty when you make a mistake, but that guilt will be a lot stronger if you don’t properly take responsibility for it. Acknowledging this to others (including yourself) will ease that guilt, helping you to start learning from your mistakes.”

For some of us, this first step might be going against our instincts. In the moment, we might look to start explaining away the mistake by diving into the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of its origin. We might point to a series of events, or another person, that could take the fall for us. And though this might offer us some instant relief, it might not necessarily help us move forward.

This is also an important point if you find yourself constantly returning to, and ruminating on, a mistake you made in the past. There’s nothing you can do now, so once you’ve accepted that, what should you do next?

Reframe

As Adam says, mistakes don’t have to feel negative &

What is a spiritual awakening, how do you know the signs, and how do you embrace this newfound shift in how you see the world? We answer your top questions about spiritual awakenings (and how you can find support in your journey)

Spirituality can have different meanings to different people. Generally speaking, it involves recognising a feeling, sense, or belief in something greater than yourself. This could mean that you feel there is something more to being human than what you experience physically through your senses, and/or that you feel like we are all a part of some greater whole which is cosmic or divine in nature.

Unlike religion where there is often a specific, organised set of beliefs and practices typically shared by a community or group, spirituality may be more of an individual practice, focusing on a sense of purpose and peace.

What is a spiritual awakening (and what does ‘having a spiritual awakening’ mean)?

For many, a spiritual awakening is a call to a higher consciousness and state of deeper mental awareness. This process typically shifts your worldview, transforming you on a personal level and shifting your mindset.

It can be called by different names (enlightenment, bliss, or discovering nirvana). It can create feelings of both being unnerved or uncertain at first, as well as wonder and excitement. Our modern idea of a spiritual awakening in the western world was first made popular by psychiatrist Carl Jung, who described it as coming back to the original self.

What triggers a spiritual awakening?

A spiritual awakening can be caused by many different things. Big, life-changing events such as the death of a loved one, serious illness, or divorce can trigger a spiritual awakening, as can traumatic or near-death experiences, or an existential crisis. Other common triggers can include mental health crises and midlife (or quarter-life) crises.

For others, there may be a more subtle, gradual shift without a clear catalyst. Practising activities that promote a greater sense of self-awareness are thought to help activate a deeper conscious awareness. These can include:

• mindfulness
• meditation
• caring for and connecting with plants or animals

But how do you know if you are having a spiritual awakening?

What are the signs of a spirit

Why is our sense of identity important, does authenticity matter, and how can we better understand ourselves and make positive changes for the better?

When you stop to think about who you really are and how others see you, what comes to mind? Our personalities are made up of a unique combination of characteristics and qualities that form how we see ourselves (and how others see us, too).

There are lots of different ‘personality type’ frameworks and tests out there, some more famous than others. Many people like to use them as a way to try and understand themselves or to help guide their career choices. While some people think that they give us insight into ourselves and others (how our minds work, how we’ll react to others, how we may approach different situations, even what we value), there isn’t actually any scientific evidence that tests like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) test offer deeper insight or meaning.

Despite the lack of evidence, we’re fascinated with personality types, tests, and quick ways to get to know ourselves better. Why is that? And how can we really benefit from gaining a deeper understanding of who we are?

Why is our sense of identity important?

Our sense of identity is comprised of our sense of self - our unique characteristics, afflictions, and social roles. Your personality, likes, dislikes, abilities, beliefs, values, and motivations all help build up and contribute to your self of who you are as a person.

We develop a sense of identity when we are young, and this can continue to develop over time as we grow, change, and encounter new situations, people, and learn more about the world.

Having a strong sense of identity can help us to feel like we belong. It can also help strengthen our confidence and overall sense of wellbeing, leading us to make long-lasting friendships with others who share similar interests and values. It can help us to view the world in a more optimistic light, be more open to learning about new things and different people, and generally be happier in ourselves.

Why does authenticity matter?

Knowing and understanding who you are can help you to live more authentically. This doesn’t necessarily make your life easier, but it can make your priorities clearer, help you to feel more energised and motivated, and decrease feelings of self-doubt.

As Life Coach Directory member Dr

Looking for a quick motivation boost? We share five quick ways to improve your motivation and start seeing progress fast

Motivation can be a tricky thing. Whether you’re thinking about working towards a healthier lifestyle, want to change your career, or get started with a new creative hobby, once the initial excitement has worn off, the actual work needed to put in before you start seeing significant progress can be daunting.

Procrastination, burnout, low mood overwhelm – there are so many different reasons why our motivation can falter. But low motivation doesn’t mean our progress needs to stop. Here are five quick ways to kickstart your motivation and get back on track.

1. Make a fresh start

You don’t have to wait until the new year to make resolutions. Setting new goals, making commitments, and giving yourself the chance for a fresh start can happen at any time. This can help you to feel energised and reinvigorated, giving you a much-needed boost to get started.

If you’ve been feeling weighed down by big, daunting tasks or unclear pathways towards what you should do next, giving yourself a fresh start creates the opportunity to re-evaluate what you want to achieve, figure out how you want to do that, and let go of any negativity that may have been holding you back.

2. Simplify your goals (and your to-do list)

In order to achieve more, sometimes we need to aim for less. That doesn’t mean we want to achieve less – just that we want to focus on fewer big, complicated goals, allowing for a more simplified to-do list.

The more we try to put onto our to-do list, the more likely we are to feel overwhelmed. Cutting back on activities that don’t motivate or excite you can help you to avoid procrastinating. When our to-do list feels cluttered, it can be confusing. Where do you get started? What’s the real priority? Why are you doing this again?

Keep things simple. You can always expand on your goals later on, once you’ve started seeing progress.

3. Try the five-minute rule

Typically used for procrastinating, the five-minute rule can help you to feel more productive and, in turn, more motivated as you start to see real progress.

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