Talking about divorce can be tricky no matter what your situation. We asked experienced therapists and solicitors to answer your top questions about telling your partner you want a divorce (and how to approach things if you’re worried about your mental or physical wellbeing)

Divorce. It’s still considered a taboo subject despite how common it has become. As of 2021, the average divorce rate in the UK was 42%, with the most common causes cited as couples having drifted apart, a lack of compatibility or intimacy, money issues, infidelity, poor communication, or abuse.

As of April 2022, no faults divorces were introduced in England and Wales, meaning couples can now divorce without needing to assign fault - and can even file digitally. That means an end to the blame game and, for many, a softer way to approach the subject.

But how do you raise the topic of divorce with your partner? And how can you do so safely, if you are seeking a divorce from an emotionally abusive or narcissistic partner? We spoke to three experts to find out more.

I want a divorce. What do I do?

We spoke with Katherine Rayden, Senior Partner at Rayden Solicitors, to find out more about how you should tell your partner that you want a divorce.

“Broaching the topic of divorce with your partner is never easy, especially when the decision is made by a single party in the relationship. Some people ask their solicitors to send the first letter but the ideal way is to broach the topic directly with your partner.

“I recommend choosing your time carefully. Never sit down with your spouse just before important events such as birthdays, family gatherings or important work events. The best time is during a quiet weekend so that you can take the time to answer any questions your partner has and to discuss important next best steps for your children and family. You should also ensure that any children are not around and there are no interruptions.

“Choose your language and words carefully. You will, of course, be feeling the stress and the pressure already after countless times reevaluating whether you’re making the right decision, but, deliberating over the words you choose can put you in a stronger position psychologically. Planning the words and language you will use will help you to deliver a very clear message without any room for miscommunication.

“Using statements in the first person such as “I” when referring to the reason for your decision and your feelings can help the conversation from turning into a ‘blame game’ by using words like “you”. It can help to highlight the reason for your unhappiness in a few prepared words.”

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It might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you’re reeling off therapeutic activities, but fishing is making a splash in the wellness space. Here, we meet the people and organisations that have discovered something very special lurking just below the waterline

No, this isn’t clickbait: fishing really can improve your mental health, according to patients and experts, and last year it was officially employed by Greater Manchester Mental Health NHS Foundation Trust as a way to combat depression and anxiety.

When I first heard about the benefits of fishing to mental health in 2017, I decided to try it for myself. I took my first trip fly fishing just outside Edinburgh on a drizzly November day. I went with community psychiatric nurse Mike Wynne, and his friend and patient, Brian, who had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia – just like me at the time. It was so relaxing being outside, even on a damp November day in Scotland. I became a convert, but no expert angler, and had to eagerly wait for my next invitation to go again.

So, I was exceptionally lucky when a few years later, in 2019, I met Paul, my boyfriend, and he invited me to go carp fishing in Staffordshire, where we both live. This time, we went in the summer, and with the sun shimmering over the misty pool, I had a very pleasant and equally relaxing time. I even caught a carp and some small tench this time. Fishing reminds me of meditation, but more exhilarating – a catch is exciting, and the surroundings of the lake and countryside both idyllic and peaceful.

According to scientist Thomas Warre, in a paper published by Get Hooked On Fishing and supported by the Royal College of Psychiatrists, the benefits of angling can make a unique contribution to a person’s wellbeing, involving therapeutic engagement with nature and green-blue spaces, and having a positive effect on a person’s subjective happiness, satisfaction, relaxation levels, and overall emotional wellbeing.

One early adopter of fishing as a therapy is Growthpoint Project Coordinator, Geoff Yardley, who was utilising the practise as early as 2014 on the NHS in North Staffordshire. He tells me: “Fishing therapy is great as it takes place in the fresh air, usually in a beautiful, inspiring location. It’s super relaxing, and can be both a solitary and a social activity – allowing space to think, and time to socialise. Having a common interest can lead to facinating conversations with fellow fishermen, and raises an interest in patients in nature, and the great outdoors. It’s cheap to start up, and inexpensive to attend a pool or the sea, and also provides opportunities to see new places. You could join a club with others who share the same interests. I love it, and so do my patients who come along!”

Mike, the community psychiatric nurse from my first trip, agrees: “Having fished since I was around 10 years old, I have always found it to somehow transport me to a tranquil place where my senses are solely focused on the water, whether on a river, reservoir, or at sea. I’m sure it’s the attraction and sound of the

When a pal suddenly leaves your life, it can feel confusing and distressing. Try these next steps...

Ghosting, when someone cuts communication suddenly and without explanation, can be a deeply painful, even heartbreaking, experience. Naturally, an abrupt ending to all communication can be all the more upsetting when it’s done by a friend. Being ghosted can result in unanswered questions, a frustrating lack of closure, or the feeling that something is ‘wrong’ with who we are. It can also create a ‘void’ where the friendship used to be, or even a loss of identity.

As being ghosted by a friend is often distressing, healing can take time. So, let’s take a look at what can be done to support that process.

Use distress tolerance techniques

The hours and days after realising you have been ghosted are likely to be the most difficult. Distress tolerance techniques are healthy ways of coping that help a person get through emotionally painful moments. One example of a distress tolerance technique is self-soothing, using the five senses in a healthy way. Cocoon yourself in a soft blanket while watching a relaxing film, or take a gentle walk in nature. Another example is using ‘safe place imagery’ or ‘guided visualisation’ to temporarily take you into a more comfortable space in your mind.

Use mindfulness to avoid reacting impulsively

Practising a mindful stance towards thoughts and emotions makes it easier to pause, preventing spur-of-the-moment reactions. Notice where emotions are arising in your body. What sensations do they create? Gently pay attention to the depth and speed of your breath. Observe any thoughts that arise and, instead of becoming tangled up in them, imagine them passing through the mind like leaves floating on a stream, or clouds drifting across the sky. Observe all sensations and thoughts without judging or trying to change them.

Validate feelings of loss

Being ghosted by a friend may elicit feelings of immeasurable loss. This may be the loss of an imagined future, no longer being able to talk with them, or having extra time on your hands. Memories may also feel tarnished or even ruined; it may be hard to see or think about anything relating to the friendship. After being ghosted, some people may grieve – know that all emotional responses are valid and deserve to be taken seriously, by yourself and others.

Acknowledge that there are things you can’t control

As relationship counsellor Siobhan Butt explains: “In the absence of any answers, we tell ourselves a negative story, and actually all the answers you need about the relationship are in this person’s behaviour; they have shown you who they are. They are viewing their own comfort as more important than your feelings, otherwise, they would have a difficult conversation with you.”

While some self-reflection is helpful, avoid engaging in self-blame or self-criticism for being ghosted. Siobhan says: “Self-care is really

From yoga for low mood, back pain, flexibility, and strength to accessible chair yoga, classes for men, and for partners – stretch into the world of yoga with these free classes and resources

Yoga: it’s the low-impact exercise that can be done pretty much anywhere, with little to no equipment, and is open to newbies and prodigies alike. And while you might initially turn to it for the physical benefits – gentle, restorative stretching and strength building – yoga has been used to support our mental health and wellbeing since its origin more than 5,000 years ago.

In fact, yoga is so effective, it has been shown to lower stress hormones in our bodies while raising feel-good chemicals endorphins and GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid). Yoga can also help with sleep, relaxation, and feelings of overwhelm, an all-round wellbeing wonder.

And it’s also a financially accessible activity. All you need to get going is yourself, and a soft surface (if you have a yoga mat – great! But if not, a blanket works just fine). So, if you’re ready to go, and are looking for free resources to help you on your way, look no further…

1. Yoga with Adriene

Yoga with Adriene is your one-stop YouTube channel for all your yoga needs. From simple flows, to challenging sequences, and videos designed to target specific problems – like back pain, hip pain, PMS, and low mood – Adriene’s videos are a great companion for your yoga journey.

2. Daily Yoga

Daily Yoga is a free app available for both iOS and Android, that comes with hundreds of classes from many different teachers. You can set yourself challenges, target specific problem areas of your body – such as addressing lower back pain, or neck pain – and try something completely new with the guidance of your teacher.

Search for Daily Yoga on the App Store or Google Play Store.

3. Arianna Elizabeth

If you’re looking to undertake a 30-day yoga challenge, then look no further than Arianna Elizabeth’s channel. With 30-day challenges already up and ready to go, you can dip into her 10-minute videos every day, following along with her supportive sequences.

From a heart-warming comedy to an autumnal tradition, and a podcast about modern dating, try something new with our enriching suggestions

1. Page-turners

The Sun, the Sea and the Stars: Ancient Wisdom as a Healing Journey by Iulia Bochis

Renowned on Instagram for her powerful illustrations about mental health and wellbeing, creative illustrator Iulia Bochis has now created a beautiful book that narrates a story of personal growth and healing, and is packed with illustrations and words of wisdom to inspire us on our own quest for self-discovery.

(Out now, Ebury Publishing, £14.99)

2. Out and about

Pumpkin picking

It’s that time of the year where farmers open their gates to the wonderful, autumnal tradition of pumpkin picking. Head to your nearest pumpkin patch and embrace the nostalgia of the festivities, while connecting with the outdoors. You might even find yourself on a tractor ride, or rambling through maze trails while you’re there…

(Search for pumpkin picking in your local area)

3. Act of kindness

Donate a buddy bag

It can be scary and confusing for any child to leave their home, especially following trauma. By donating to the ‘Buddy Bag’, scheme, you’ll help fund a bag of essential items including toiletries, underwear, pyjamas, and a teddy/book to a child in emergency care. And, importantly, you’ll be helping to provide a sense of security during a difficult period of a child’s life.

(Head to buddybagfoundation.co.uk)

4. Lend us your ears

‘This is Dating’

Has curiosity ever got the better of you when you see people on a first date in a restaurant? Let your curiosity prevail with this podcast, and home-in on a series of first dates. Radically fresh and truly captivating, you may also learn a thing or two about modern dating – if that helps to justify your eavesdropping.

(Available on all platforms)

5. Plugged-In

Lucy Sparrow

If the name rings a bell, that’s because Lucy Sparrow is renowned for being the artist that created a cornershop installation in London, entirely out of felt! She continues to take the crafting world by storm with her felt masterpieces. From cereal boxes to cakes, she brings colour and crafting inspiration to our feeds.

(Follow @sewyoursoul for more)

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