Learn how to improve your emotional communication, and watch your relationships flourish

Lost in translation, mixed messages, crossed wires – how many metaphors for ‘miscommunication’ does one language need? A lot, apparently, as it seems that not ‘being on the same page’ as the people around us is far from a unique experience. Add in tricky emotions, uncomfortable truths, and matters we’d prefer to sidestep, and communicating how you really feel becomes quite a daunting mission.

Even so, getting it right is of the utmost importance. In fact, a study published by BMC Public Health in 2020 found that poor family support and communication can significantly increase the probability of emotional and behavioural problems in adolescents, and one American study by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 67.5% of marriages that came to an end had some kind of communication problem.

With such high stakes, you’d think that we’d make mastering this skill our top priority – but, as is so often the case with these things, that’s a lot easier said than done.

“If the thought of sharing your feelings makes you want to run for the hills, then I can assure you you’re not alone,” counsellor Melanie Kirk says. “I work with many clients and couples where an inability to do this becomes a real block to effective, healthy communication.”

But why is it that we often find emotional exposure and vulnerability such a challenge? Melanie suggests three main reasons:

1. We fear the reaction we will get. Perhaps we have experienced someone responding negatively to us in the past when we have tried to be open about how we feel. Maybe it led to conflict, ridicule, misunderstanding, or disappointment.

2. We are not always clear, in our own mind, how we feel and what we need. Sometimes it can be a challenge to translate our thoughts and feelings into something tangible that can be communicated to someone else. It can be difficult to recognise, or name, what we are experiencing.

3. We may anticipate that our needs won’t be met or that we won’t be understood. Again, this could be based on experience, an internalised sense that we can’t be helped, or a belief that nothing would change.

Family relationships can be hard to navigate

Make fun the star of the party this year

While covid is sadly far from gone, life is returning to ‘normal’ for many. This includes some returning to the office and workplace social events coming back. Keen to reconnect with colleagues and celebrate the festive season, it’s no surprise that Christmas parties are high on the agenda at work.

Also high on the agenda for some is alcohol, with many social events at work revolving around bars and drinking. Workplace drink culture is rife within certain industries, making it feel like you need to join in to progress in your career.

To change this requires a full culture change at work, which sounds daunting, but perhaps it can start with a small action. Celebrating the festive season with activities that don’t centre alcohol could be an incredible first step.

Not sure where to start? Here are some ideas to get you started.

1. Ice skating

Definitely an activity that benefits from sober participants, ice skating is a fun way to come together, have a go at something new and indulge in all those festive feels. After your skate you can find a spot to grab a hot chocolate and catch up with your colleagues.

2. Christmas markets

An activity the Happiful team recently enjoyed and one we can highly recommend is a trip to a Christmas market. Sure, mulled wine and ciders are likely available, but so are hot chocolates, coffees and other non-alcoholic tipples. Take a wander around the stalls, enjoy a tasty snack (our team went for crepes and churros!) and soak up the atmosphere.

3. Pawsitive cafe

Got some office dogs who want to join the festive fun? Try the Pawsitive cafe in Notting Hill (or your own local dog-friendly cafe). Pawsitive cafe in particular is not only welcoming of pups, it’s designed with mental wellbeing in mind too. From the positive affirmations and decor to the therapeutic activities on offer (including decorating tree ornaments) it’s bound to spark joy for all.

4. Wreath making

Another activity coming up on Happiful’s calendar (we’re spoiled, what can we say) is wreath making. This is a fun and creative way to spend an afternoon with colleagues and you get to leave with a beautiful wreath to hang on your door.

5. Cookery class

If crafts aren’t your thing, what about a cooking or baking class? You could learn to make your favourite festive treat, gather round afterwards and eat your creations while sharing reflections on the year with your team-mates. Delicious.

6. Volunteering day

Keen to support others this festive period? Organising a work volunteer day could be a lovely way to do it. You could support a local cause, spend time creating care packages, host a charity drive to raise money or send presents to those in need. Take a look at Reach Volunteering for more ideas.

7. Escape room/murder mystery party

For teams who love a good brain-teaser, why not head to an escape room or host a murder mystery party? This is a great way to get everyone involved in a unique celebration you’ll be talking about f

While we always hope the holidays will be relaxed and joyful, stress can show up as we navigate family dynamics, financial strains, and societal pressure. Here we share some ideas to help you find mindful moments so you can return to calm

1. Wrapping gifts

Whether you love or loathe gift wrapping, there are a few things we can do to make it more a mindful. Dim the lights, play some holiday music, pour a glass of your favourite festive tipple. As you wrap, take a moment to feel the texture of the paper, notice the colours of the bows, and the delicious sound your scissors make when cutting. Go slow and lose yourself in the process.

2. Going for a winter walk

Heading outside when it’s cold may not seem appealing, but there’s magic to be found on winter walks. Wrap up in your favourite coat, scarf, hat, and gloves. Pull on some boots with good grip to navigate any icy patches, and make your way outside.

Notice the way the bracing air feels as it hits your skin. Look out for interesting patterns, perhaps there are footprints in snow or some particularly pleasing brick-work. Listen out for birds singing, squirrels scurrying, and trees swaying in the wind. If you’re in a city, can you hear snippets of conversations on the breeze?

3. Making hot chocolate

Having a mindful moment is all about doing something slowly and with intention. With this in mind, making a hot chocolate can become a ritual. Use your favourite mug (the bigger the better in our opinion) and use your senses to explore every step of creation, from warming the milk and adding the chocolate, to finishing with a flurry of marshmallows.

If possible, take some time to sip it slowly, noticing the flavour with each mouthful. While drinking, cosy up with a good book, listen to a calming playlist, or simply look out the window and take a moment to be fully present.

4. Lighting a festive aromatherapy candle

Aromatherapy is a simple yet effective way to make any moment more mindful, as it triggers our sense of smell and pulls us into the here and now. Look for warming and fresh scents such as nutmeg, pine, frankincense, cinnamon, orange, or clove.

Use your candle as a way to signal relaxation time, perhaps after you finish work for the day, or when the kids are tucked up in bed. Light the candle and pause for a moment to watch the flame (you could even try a candle meditation) and notice the scent, taking slow, deep breaths.

It can be incredibly tough to see your child going through self-harm. From a mother who has experienced it herself, we share steps for supporting them on their journey

When my child was 10, I discovered they were self-harming. I want to give other parents a list of things that have helped me and my child in the terrifying journey that self-harm can be. This is that list:

1. Listen

As Carrie McColl, a counsellor specialising in self-harm explains, listening is the most important thing to do. “Your child may not always have the words to express what they’re feeling, but tone of voice, body language, and behaviour can speak volumes,” she says.

It can be a tough conversation to have, but a needed one. “If your child has disclosed the self-harm to you, thank them for being so brave and honest,” Carrie continues. “If it’s been discovered in a different way, try to gently approach the subject in terms of making sure wounds are clean, and seeing if medical attention may be needed.”

2. Choose how you want to deal with the self-harming and the wounds

It’s a hard thing to say to a parent who has just discovered something so heartbreaking, but it is up to you to choose how you want to deal with the self-harming of your child. From removing sharp objects to cleaning wounds, there are many ways that can help you feel more in control.

As Carrie says, “Self-harm is much more than just cutting, and if someone wants to hurt themselves, they will quite often find a way.” There is no better way to deal with it than another, only a difficult choice to make to ensure your child feels safe.

3. Find an alternative

Depending on why your child self-harms, and their age, there are lots of different coping mechanisms that can be tried: elastic bands, red pen, butterfly drawings (check out the Butterfly Project, butterfly-project.tumblr.com).

Carrie says: “Distraction can be useful, as it helps to learn that the urge to self-harm will pass. If your child can agree to it, ask that they let you know when they have the urge, and then work together on ways to distract them until the feeling passes. Most of the time, if distractions are working, the urge will have gone.”

4. Don’t define them with self-harming

Tell the school, your friends, your family. Self-harming should not be taboo, but you don’t want it to become their only identity. Continue defining them with the activities they love, and show them that self-harming doesn’t change the way you see them.

“Try not to dismiss what they’ve done, or mini

What role do togetherness and kindness play in our communities, local and beyond?

In a brisk corner of the internet, more than 4,500 people come together for worldwide tropical cyclone discussion, and general weather observations. This group is made up of followers of Nathan Foy – creator of Force Thirteen, a YouTube channel that produces videos on cyclones and weather forecasts. But who could have predicted the force for good this community could become?

“Our community mostly resides on Discord [a chat app for voice, video, and text], and is open to anyone,” says Nathan, when asked to reflect on the space he has created. “We still very much are mainly weather-related, but we opened a ‘room’ for care and support a couple of years ago, under the initiative of our moderator team.”

When Nathan saw an increase in the amount of personal issues coming up in general conversations in the group, the team decided to take action to make their community a supportive space. Drawn together by their shared interest in cyclones, the group now also offers the option of informal peer-to-peer support, a fleet of moderators ensuring it all remains safe.

Talk of Discord servers and digital moderators may feel uniquely 2022, but the desire to gather is, of course, not. In fact, it’s going right back to basics. Coming together, meeting people where they are, building communities, and weathering the storm together – these are the practices that built our society in the first place, and that gave our modern world its foundations. And the more pressure we put on those foundations – the higher we build and the further away we get from our roots – the more we need to return to them, to nurture them, and to come together once again.

The group of Nordic countries (Finland, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, and Iceland) that consistently dominate the top spots in the World Happiness Report (WHR) have a couple of things in common. It’s important to acknowledge the financial climate – high GDP per capita, a welfare state, and ample social benefits – but beyond that, the WHR looks at other factors, including social support and generosity.

They’re the kind of values we might associate with ‘village living’. The phrase alone might conjure up images of a stroll to the local shop, the walk punctuated by friendly encounters with people you know by name, and who would be round in a jiffy the moment you need a hand. The good news is that this ‘village’ style connectivity isn’t particularly geographically restricted.

In figures from the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, when asked “Overall, how happy did you feel yesterday?” on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 is “not at all happy” and 10 is “completely happy”, those living in predominantly rural areas gave an average rating of 7.47, only marginally higher than the average rating of 7.25 given by those living in predominantly urban areas.

What’s more, in a report into community life, which ran from April 2020 to March 2021 and was published by the Department for Digital, Culture, Media & Sport, 65% of respondents agreed that people in t