Why is sex so important, can sex be addictive, and can sexperts really help me (and my relationship)? We answer your most-searched-for sex-related questions and share everything you need to know about sex therapy and sexual coaching

Sex. It’s one of those topics that equally excites and embarrasses us to talk about. Despite 43% of women and 31% of men reporting a degree of sexual dysfunction (from trouble orgasming or a lack of desire to pain while having sex), a whopping third of us feel uncomfortable talking about sex with our partners.  

Enter the sexperts. To help us overcome our embarrassment and hesitancy in talking about all things sex-related, there are a variety of different experts we can now turn to to help us talk about our issues. They can help us learn more about common sexual problems, as well as work towards strengthening our sense of intimacy in our relationships.

But what are sexperts, is sex really that important, and what help is available out there?

What is a sexpert?

A sexpert is an informal term for someone who is knowledgeable about sex and sexually related things. According to Merriam-Webster, sexpert refers specifically to those with jobs that involve the academic study of sex, or people who help provide information and advice about sexual relationships and/or intercourse. Despite becoming a more commonly used term in recent years, sexpert actually dates back as far as the 1920s.

Why is sex important?

Research has shown that sex can have a wide variety of benefits for us and our relationships. Physically, emotionally, and psychologically – sex can help improve our overall sense of well-being, strengthen our bonds and sense of intimacy with our partner(s). Sex can even improve our sense of self-confidence.

That’s not to say that you have to have sex to be happy and healthy. Many people still have satisfying, fulfilling relationships without a sexual component.

Why is sex good for you?

There are many scientifically proven benefits of having sex and a healthy sex life. These

Do you find it hard to express how you feel? Sometimes, when we’re frustrated or angry, we might express our feelings indirectly rather than being up-front. But when we aren't open about our feelings, it can create confusion and negatively impact our relationships

Passive-aggressive behaviour can ‘feel normal’ to us - especially if it’s how we’ve grown up seeing others around us deal with relationship issues. Whether done verbally or nonverbally, someone may be passive-aggressive as a way to avoid outright hurting someone else’s feelings, or as a way to show displeasure or disagreement without outright stating it.

It’s a more common way of dealing with things than you might think. But what are the signs we can look out for to recognise (and stop) being passive-aggressive in our romantic relationships? Why are we passive-aggressive in the first place? And is it really a bad thing?

What is passive-aggressive behaviour (and why do we do it?)

Also referred to as non-verbal aggression, when we talk about passive-aggressive behaviour, it refers to when you feel angry or upset with someone, but feel like you can’t or don’t want to tell them.

There are many different reasons why someone might be passive-aggressive. They might have low self-esteem, feel insecure, or be afraid of losing control. Other common reasons can also be as a way of coping with feelings of stress, anxiety, or depression. It can also be a way to try and deal with rejection or conflict, because of feelings of under-appreciation, or because they are worried that any natural feelings of anger aren’t the ‘right’ response, and so trying to sugarcoat things feels like a better option.

Counsellor Andrea Harrn explains more about passive-aggressive behaviour and how it can be a problem in our relationships.

Why is passive-aggressive behaviour bad?

We almost all exhibit signs of passive aggression from time to time. But when it becomes a pattern of behaviour or a habit within our relationships (whether that’s romantic, platonic, or with work colleagues), it can become frustrating or upsetting for the other person involved. And for the person exhibiting this behaviour, their inability to say what is wrong and express themselves clearly can often worsen the issue.

Ultimately, passive aggression can be seen as destructive behaviour. It can prevent change and growth, leading to more negative behaviours, the breakdown of trust, and further relationship problems. Frequent passive-aggressive responses can be a sign of communication issues within your relationship, and if left to become a pattern over time, can damage your relationship.

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Talking about divorce can be tricky no matter what your situation. We asked experienced therapists and solicitors to answer your top questions about telling your partner you want a divorce (and how to approach things if you’re worried about your mental or physical wellbeing)

Divorce. It’s still considered a taboo subject despite how common it has become. As of 2021, the average divorce rate in the UK was 42%, with the most common causes cited as couples having drifted apart, a lack of compatibility or intimacy, money issues, infidelity, poor communication, or abuse.

As of April 2022, no faults divorces were introduced in England and Wales, meaning couples can now divorce without needing to assign fault - and can even file digitally. That means an end to the blame game and, for many, a softer way to approach the subject.

But how do you raise the topic of divorce with your partner? And how can you do so safely, if you are seeking a divorce from an emotionally abusive or narcissistic partner? We spoke to three experts to find out more.

I want a divorce. What do I do?

We spoke with Katherine Rayden, Senior Partner at Rayden Solicitors, to find out more about how you should tell your partner that you want a divorce.

“Broaching the topic of divorce with your partner is never easy, especially when the decision is made by a single party in the relationship. Some people ask their solicitors to send the first letter but the ideal way is to broach the topic directly with your partner.

“I recommend choosing your time carefully. Never sit down with your spouse just before important events such as birthdays, family gatherings or important work events. The best time is during a quiet weekend so that you can take the time to answer any questions your partner has and to discuss important next best steps for your children and family. You should also ensure that any children are not around and there are no interruptions.

“Choose your language and words carefully. You will, of course, be feeling the stress and the pressure already after countless times reevaluating whether you’re making the right decision, but, deliberating over the words you choose can put you in a stronger position psychologically. Planning the words and language you will use will help you to deliver a very clear message without any room for miscommunication.

“Using statements in the first person such as “I” when referring to the reason for your decision and your feelings can help the conversation from turning into a ‘blame game’ by using words like “you”. It can help to highlight the reason for your unhappiness in a few prepared words.”

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Attitudes towards mental health have been changing for the better in recent years. We’re more comfortable than ever talking to our kids about their mental health – and our own. But how can we encourage our parents' generation to open up about mental health and wellbeing?

Nearly two-thirds (63%) of us think it’s getting easier to talk about mental health. According to figures released in 2022, however, older people could do with more mental health support but are less likely to receive it than younger people.

The older we are, the harder we find discussing our mental health and admitting when we need help. Yet data shows that over half a million over 65s are experiencing an anxiety disorder, nearly half a million have a major depressive disorder, over 190,000 are experiencing chronic depressive disorder, and over 140,000 have bipolar disorder.

Nearly a fifth (19%) of the population in the UK are now 65 and over, with over half of over 55s having experienced common mental health problems. While more and more of us are willing to reach out and ask professionals for support according to figures released by Happiful, figures from the Mental Health Foundation reveal that, despite our increased comfort in talking about our struggles, just one in eight adults received mental health treatment.

While many of us are willing to seek out help for ourselves, how can we start the conversation with older parents and family members who may be reluctant to even talk about mental health, much less recognise or admit when they need help?

How do I talk to my parents about their mental health?

What is self-destructive behaviour, why do we develop destructive patterns, and what can we do to move past these negative behaviours?

Have you ever found yourself doing something, even though you know it’s not good for you? We all engage in behaviours that aren’t good for us from time to time. Whether unintentional or intentional, self-destructive behaviour can include any kind of behaviour that harms you physically or mentally. But what kinds of self-destructive behaviours are we most likely to take part in, how do you know if what you’re doing is self-destructive, and what can you do to break these unhealthy behaviour patterns?

What is self-destructive behaviour?

Self-destructive behaviours can include a wide range of activities, habits, and actions. Generally speaking, anything that is certain to cause you harm (physically or emotionally) is a form of self-destructive behaviour. Some are easier to spot, while others may be more difficult to identify. Self-destructive behaviours can include:

• Binge eating (a commonly misunderstood eating disorder, where you feel unable to stop eating large quantities of food) or under-eating.
• Compulsive behaviours (e.g. shopping, gaming, or gambling to the point where you spend more than you can afford or have no time for anything else).
• Self-harm (injuring yourself on purpose, as a way to regain a sense of control or cope with difficult emotions when feeling overwhelmed or upset).
• Engaging in risky activities (e.g. impulsive or risky sexual encounters with strangers or sex workers, cheating on your partner, drinking too much alcohol or taking illegal drugs to the point you feel out of control).
• Attempting suicide.

You may also have other, often harder to recognise signs of self-destructive behaviour that you are doing without realising it. This could include:

• Changing things about yourself in an attempt to please others.
• You put everyone else first, without considering what you want (unnecessary martyrdom or self-sacrifice).
• Staying with or clinging to someone who is not interested in you or is not healthy for you to be around.
• Engaging in self-derogatory or self-deprecating behaviours or language (e.g. insisting you aren’t attractive, capable, intelligent, or ‘good’ enough. Refusing to take credit for your own hard work or successes).
• You refuse help.
• Exhibiting aggressive or alienating behaviour to push others away or as a method of protecting yourself.
• You neglect yourself physically or mentally (e.g. frequently not getting enough or poor quality sleep, skipping meals or exercise, not having a self-care routine, not seeking support for ill mental health).
• Chronic procrastination or avoidance.
• Wallowing in self-pity while refusing to make helpful or healthy changes.
• You have a self-defeating mindset (you tell yourself you’re going to fail or you can’t do something before you even try).
• You hold yourself back (you try to appear less capable or intelligent, to lower others' expectations of you and decrease your chances of failure).

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