We all struggle from time to time. So why does reaching out for help feel so scary? We share more about how to ask for help

Why does asking for help feel so hard? Despite our growing understanding of mental and emotional health and wellbeing, many of us struggle to speak out and ask for help when we need it the most.

According to the latest figures from the United Nations, nearly one billion of us worldwide are experiencing some form of mental disorder. For teens, that is around one in seven. With ill mental health becoming more and more recognised, why aren't we asking for help sooner?

Why do we find it so hard to ask for help?

While accessing help can be a struggle, many of us find it hard to even ask for help. This can be due to a wide range of reasons. Some people worry that they will be a bother or an inconvenience to friends, family or loved ones, or add extra stress and worry to those around them if they admit they need help. Others may be hesitant to speak up out of fear of being judged, seen as weak or ‘less than’ others who aren't outwardly struggling. Some of us may hold back from asking for help out of fear of rejection or not receiving the help we are looking for, so we convince ourselves it is better not to ask, rather than to ask and still not get help.

Counselling Directory member, Psychotherapist and Clinical Supervisor Fe Robinson explains more. “It can feel very difficult to reach out and ask for support. You may feel vulnerable or uncertain, or asking may simply be too much right now. You may not feel there is anyone there that can be a support for you, or you may fear rejection. You may simply want to talk about how to improve relationships and get the support you need. In all of these situations, counselling can be a useful aide.”

Does asking for help actually work?

While asking for help isn’t always successful on the first try, we can still gain so much. By asking for help, we can:

• Stop ourselves from feeling stuck. The longer we wait to ask for help, the more stressed, anxious and overwhelmed we can feel. Speaking up can help us to regain the ability to move forward and see positive changes in the areas we most need them.
• Feel connected with others. When we need to ask for help - either that’s due to mental health, emotional wellbeing, or another reason - we can often feel lonely and isolated. Seeking advice, asking for help, or just sharing what is worrying us allows us to share our burden, connect with others who may be experiencing similar feelings, and dispel the fear that may have built up about admitting something is wrong.
• Gain an outside perspective. Sometimes, talking things through with a loved one is enough to help us see a problem in a new light. Other times, it can help us to recognise when we may need more help in the form of talk therapy, group therapy, peer support, or medication.

How do I ask for emotional help?

Asking for emotional support can feel tough. How do you start the conversation? Who should you turn to first? What do you say? It’s important to remember that everyone deserves to feel supported emotionally. When we feel too overwhelmed, we can ri

Take the stress out of festivities by figuring out what means most to you, and discover your own new traditions along the way…

For those of us who celebrate, the holidays are bound with traditions and ideas of what a ‘perfect Christmas’ looks like. It can be a time of year full of additional pressures we don’t need, from feeling like we have to cook an Insta-worthy roast, to buying presents that painfully dent our bank balance, or spending the day doing things we don’t enjoy but feel obliged to do.

But by thinking about what really matters to us at Christmas, we can help make it into something that’s meaningful and magical.

Emotions and expectations

Contemplating what’s meaningful to us can benefit our mental health, and reduce the stress of the holidays. “People who have a sense of purpose in life feel more satisfied and content, have fewer health problems, and even live longer,” says counsellor Laura Duester. “Finding a sense of meaning at Christmas is therefore great for both your mental and physical health, and will help support your wellbeing into the new year.”

With the cost of living rising, the pressure to spend lots at Christmas can be stressful. Counsellor Louise Brown suggests making space for your feelings about financial pressures, and responding to these feelings with kindness.

“It can be helpful to share your feelings with others, as it is likely that others will have similar experiences, and may be relieved that you have brought this up,” says Louise. “Offering mutual support and sharing ideas can help us to feel more comfortable with some of the harder decisions we have to make.”

It’s easy to fall into a comparison trap. Social media and adverts are filled with images of happy family gatherings, and if this doesn’t echo our own experience, we can be left feeling lacking or hurt. But the images we see don’t always reflect reality – from burnt roast potatoes to missing loved ones. Whether it’s a friend bragging about buying their child the latest toys, or pressure from displays in shop windows, remember that this is just a snapshot.

“Try to accept Christmas as it is, rather than having ‘perfect’ expectations,” suggests Laura. “Just like any other day, it will have great bits, but lots of imperfections and challenges, too.”

Making a meaningful Christmas

Once you’ve let go of comparisons, try thinking about what you would love to do at Christmas, regardless of what you assume is expected of you. From creating and embracing new traditions to letting go of the things that aren’t important to us now, we can have a Christmas that’s personally meaningful to us and our loved ones.

Thinking about your values can help you work out what a meaningful Christmas would look like. “It’s important to be curious about what’s meaningful and important to you,” suggests Laura. “It might help to imagine how you’ll feel when January comes – what will you want to remember doing and enjoying over the festive period?”

Laura adds: “There are no right or wron

New data from the ONS reveals that a third of unpaid carers are experiencing depressive symptoms. Will Donnelly, co-founder of Lottie, shares his thoughts

Data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) has revealed that as many as one in three unpaid carers in the UK are experiencing depressive symptoms following the rising cost of living.

Recent economic difficulties in the UK have affected everyone across the country, but unpaid carers are being hit hard by the current crisis. 4.3 million people become unpaid carers each year and now, with one in three experiencing symptoms of depression, “we’ve reached crisis point”, Will says.

Will Donnelly is the co-founder of Lottie, an online marketplace for later living. After struggling to find a care home for their grandmother, Will and his brother Chris launched the company - a digital elderly care platform connecting those looking for care to the UK’s best care homes for a fair price.

The social care sector in the UK right now is severely damaged. It remains underfunded by the government, with little support for unpaid carers and often with poor working conditions. At the edge of breaking point, there has never been a greater need for unpaid carers to receive the support they need on a practical, emotional, and financial level.

Will Donnelly believes that this lack of support has caused the rise in unpaid carers experiencing depressive symptoms. “Unpaid carers provide £193 billion of the UK’s social care system each year”, he says. “They are a fundamental part of the UK’s healthcare system. With an ageing population, the number of older adults requiring elderly care support is only expected to surge, and it is time the Government placed the social care sector at the top of their agenda to support all carers across the country, both paid and unpaid.”

There’s a lot going on in the world right now that can put a strain on our wellbeing, so it’s important to be aware of any changes in yourself, a partner, a friend, or a family member.

What should you do if you are worried about depression in yourself, or a loved one?

Will shares some tips on how to recognise the symptoms of depression, and what you can do if you feel that you may be experiencing depression.

1. Spot the signs

No matter what age you are, depression can affect you and your loved ones, so it’s important to be aware of the signs. You, or your partner, friend, or colleague may lose interest in activities they used to enjoy and become less motivated to spend time together.

Everyone’s experience of depression is unique, so it’s important to look for a ch

Learn how to improve your emotional communication, and watch your relationships flourish

Lost in translation, mixed messages, crossed wires – how many metaphors for ‘miscommunication’ does one language need? A lot, apparently, as it seems that not ‘being on the same page’ as the people around us is far from a unique experience. Add in tricky emotions, uncomfortable truths, and matters we’d prefer to sidestep, and communicating how you really feel becomes quite a daunting mission.

Even so, getting it right is of the utmost importance. In fact, a study published by BMC Public Health in 2020 found that poor family support and communication can significantly increase the probability of emotional and behavioural problems in adolescents, and one American study by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 67.5% of marriages that came to an end had some kind of communication problem.

With such high stakes, you’d think that we’d make mastering this skill our top priority – but, as is so often the case with these things, that’s a lot easier said than done.

“If the thought of sharing your feelings makes you want to run for the hills, then I can assure you you’re not alone,” counsellor Melanie Kirk says. “I work with many clients and couples where an inability to do this becomes a real block to effective, healthy communication.”

But why is it that we often find emotional exposure and vulnerability such a challenge? Melanie suggests three main reasons:

1. We fear the reaction we will get. Perhaps we have experienced someone responding negatively to us in the past when we have tried to be open about how we feel. Maybe it led to conflict, ridicule, misunderstanding, or disappointment.

2. We are not always clear, in our own mind, how we feel and what we need. Sometimes it can be a challenge to translate our thoughts and feelings into something tangible that can be communicated to someone else. It can be difficult to recognise, or name, what we are experiencing.

3. We may anticipate that our needs won’t be met or that we won’t be understood. Again, this could be based on experience, an internalised sense that we can’t be helped, or a belief that nothing would change.

Family relationships can be hard to navigate

Make fun the star of the party this year

While covid is sadly far from gone, life is returning to ‘normal’ for many. This includes some returning to the office and workplace social events coming back. Keen to reconnect with colleagues and celebrate the festive season, it’s no surprise that Christmas parties are high on the agenda at work.

Also high on the agenda for some is alcohol, with many social events at work revolving around bars and drinking. Workplace drink culture is rife within certain industries, making it feel like you need to join in to progress in your career.

To change this requires a full culture change at work, which sounds daunting, but perhaps it can start with a small action. Celebrating the festive season with activities that don’t centre alcohol could be an incredible first step.

Not sure where to start? Here are some ideas to get you started.

1. Ice skating

Definitely an activity that benefits from sober participants, ice skating is a fun way to come together, have a go at something new and indulge in all those festive feels. After your skate you can find a spot to grab a hot chocolate and catch up with your colleagues.

2. Christmas markets

An activity the Happiful team recently enjoyed and one we can highly recommend is a trip to a Christmas market. Sure, mulled wine and ciders are likely available, but so are hot chocolates, coffees and other non-alcoholic tipples. Take a wander around the stalls, enjoy a tasty snack (our team went for crepes and churros!) and soak up the atmosphere.

3. Pawsitive cafe

Got some office dogs who want to join the festive fun? Try the Pawsitive cafe in Notting Hill (or your own local dog-friendly cafe). Pawsitive cafe in particular is not only welcoming of pups, it’s designed with mental wellbeing in mind too. From the positive affirmations and decor to the therapeutic activities on offer (including decorating tree ornaments) it’s bound to spark joy for all.

4. Wreath making

Another activity coming up on Happiful’s calendar (we’re spoiled, what can we say) is wreath making. This is a fun and creative way to spend an afternoon with colleagues and you get to leave with a beautiful wreath to hang on your door.

5. Cookery class

If crafts aren’t your thing, what about a cooking or baking class? You could learn to make your favourite festive treat, gather round afterwards and eat your creations while sharing reflections on the year with your team-mates. Delicious.

6. Volunteering day

Keen to support others this festive period? Organising a work volunteer day could be a lovely way to do it. You could support a local cause, spend time creating care packages, host a charity drive to raise money or send presents to those in need. Take a look at Reach Volunteering for more ideas.

7. Escape room/murder mystery party

For teams who love a good brain-teaser, why not head to an escape room or host a murder mystery party? This is a great way to get everyone involved in a unique celebration you’ll be talking about f