How can we truly feel our feelings? Here we look at some techniques to help us identify our emotions so we can process them in a healthy way

Do you ever feel full of feelings… but you aren’t quite sure what they are? Perhaps you’re feeling more tearful than usual and the simplest thing sets you off. Or maybe there’s anger simmering, but you don’t know why.

Feeling our feelings should be simple, right? In theory, yes, but sometimes our feelings get trapped under layers of shame, guilt and even denial, making it harder to really identify what’s going on for us. Some of us can also fall into a trap of numbing ourselves to our emotions, using tools like binge-watching TV, scrolling social media, or in some cases abusing substances.

It can seem easier to bury our heads in the sand than deal with our emotions, but when we do this, those emotions fester and turn into something worse. They may stay hidden for a while but, eventually, they pour out (often in unhelpful ways).

Being intentional about identifying our emotions can help us shine a light of awareness on how we’re feeling. It helps us identify and acknowledge our emotions, which ultimately helps us process and understand them. It might not get rid of difficult feelings, but it’s an integral first step to helping us cope better.

So, how can we tap into our emotions? Here are a few ideas to try.

1. Write it out

This is my personal go-to, as someone who’s kept a journal since the age of 13. Writing about how you feel can help you take that tangled web of thoughts and feelings in your mind and put it down on paper. Just the act of putting pen to paper is cathartic to many.

In her article, Getting your thoughts down on paper, writer Katie Conibear shares six prompts to use writing in a therapeutic way.

2. Feel it in your body

Sometimes our emotions present themselves physically, especially if we’re finding it hard to acknowledge or process them. This is something somatic therapy can help with. The approach uses physical techniques and exercises to help you be present in your body and tap into what you’re feeling. Somatic therapy can help with a range of concerns, including anxiety, trauma, chronic pain and depression.

In this video, counsellor Ian Wallace explains what somatic therapy is, including how therapists use the approach in sessions, and how clients may benefit from this type of therapy.

3. Get creative

Taking a more abstract approach to our emotions can sometimes give us the distance we need to tap into them. This is the premise behind many arts therapies and can be very effective. Here are some ideas to get a little creative with:

• Try painting a landscape of how you feel.
• Write a short story about a character who feels the same as you.
• Make a playlist that encapsulates how you feel.

Don’t worry if what comes

Allotments exist to offer everyone the opportunity to grow their own food, so, what do you need to know?

If you’ve never stepped foot on an allotment before, at the very least you’ve probably passed one by. Squeezed in between housing estates in the centre of cities, on the outskirts of towns, and down spiralling pathways in villages, an estimated 330,000 allotments across the UK offer local residents their own plot of land where they can grow their own food, cultivating a ‘good life’ while they’re at it.

And, post-lockdown, interest in allotments is higher than ever, with the National Allotment Society revealing that 40% of English councils responding to a survey reported a ‘significant uplift’ in applications to join waiting lists, with one council – Hyndburn, in Lancashire – seeing an astounding 300% increase.

It’s easy to understand why this trend is happening. In lockdown, many of us slowed our pace of life right down and were forced to reconnect with the simple things in life. Add to that a desire to ‘eat local’, to understand more about where our food comes from and, importantly, the incredible wellbeing benefit of being out in nature that many of us have experienced first-hand, and you have the perfect conditions for the self-sufficient dream to blossom.

The good news is that, in theory, there’s enough to go around. While many may choose to grow food in their gardens – in 1908, the Small Holdings and Allotments Act came into force, meaning that local authorities must provide sufficient allotment space for the public to grow food where there is a demand for it. Updated in 1925 to protect these spaces further, this legislation is still very much active today, and preserves citizens’ rights to grow their own food, holding the door open to anyone who wants to have a go.

While waiting lists can be rather lengthy, sometimes stretching up to 18 months, costs can be relatively low, ranging between £25–£125 per year depending on the location and facilities on site. Total newbies work side-by-side with expert old-timers, and the community spirit that flourishes on allotments is second to none, as knowledge is passed around without hesitation, plant swaps will have you tucking into new experiences, and annual shows will bring out a healthy dose of competition.

Sounds appealing? Here’s a quick run-down of three key things to consider:

1. How much land are we talkin’?

Allotments are traditionally measured in ‘poles’ – also referred to as ‘perches’ or ‘rods’ – which is an ancient measurement that dates back to Anglo-Saxon times. Generally speaking, the standard allotment size is 10 poles, which is the equivalent of 250 square metres – about the size of a doubles tennis court. It’s a fair bit of land, but if you feel intimidated by that, there are a number of options available. You could share the plot with someone you know, or you could reach out to others who are on the waiting list. Or, you can cover up some of your plot with weed-suppressant material, and work on it bit by bit until you get the hang of things. Be warn

Whatever your version of success is, chances are self-esteem can help you get there

A lot of us have been inspired by the Lionesses recent brilliant victory, perhaps because it reminds us just how truly capable we are, even when faced with assumptions and obstacles. It’s also encouraged a lot of us to think about success - what does it mean to us, and how can we get there?

Defining your own version of success is an important first step. Society likes to bombard us with messages on what success looks like, but following your own dreams will help you not only find success but fulfilment, too.

And when it comes to getting there, I believe self-esteem plays a pivotal role. That and perhaps a helping of determination. Success for me has always been centred around doing what I love – writing. After studying writing at university, I fell into the world of retail and it took me many years to finally find the job I’m in today, where I get to write every day.

It wasn’t an easy journey, but building my self-esteem (and resilience) along the way opened a lot of doors. Here’s what self-esteem can do for you as you seek your success.

1. It reminds you of your value

You may well get knocked back a few times as you strive for what you want in life. When we have a healthy sense of self-esteem, we know our inherent value and worth. This means, that no matter how many times people knock us down, we know we have something of value to offer and we keep going.

This value we hold is like a rock within us. It’s always there but sometimes dirt can pile up around it, hiding it from view. Working on your self-esteem and self-worth can help you clear the dirt and find a sense of steadiness. Whether you find success in the way you thought you would, or you find something completely different, knowing your value means fulfilling your potential.

2. It opens you up to more opportunities

Self-esteem is the foundation of confidence. When we value ourselves and what we have to bring to the world, we feel more confident about going after it. This may mean we’re more likely to take risks, explore opportunities presented to us and say ‘yes’ out of excitement instead of saying ‘no’ out of fear.

Here’s a quick mindset shift to try:

When an opportunity is presented to you that you feel nervous about (perhaps a public speaking gig, for example), ask yourself ‘what can I gain from this?’. This can take our minds out of risk-seeking and shift it into opportunity-seeking, helping us make a more informed decision.

3. It helps you to reveal your strengths

Hands up who was told off for ‘showing off’ as a child? Being boastful has long had negative connotations for many of us, but sometimes seeing it as a bad thing stops us from progressing. Perhaps at work, you tend to let others have the spotlight to be seen as ‘nice’ or ‘humble’, or avoid highlighting your skills to avoid being seen as a ‘show-off’.

The truth is, by hiding your strengths, you’re also hiding yourself from potential success. Building your self-esteem can help you identify and lean into your strengths, revealing them and exploring what unfolds. Not sure what your strengths are? Take a look at this free Read more

If you were told that you have the capability to achieve anything you want, would you accept it, or would you begin to think about all of the things that would get in your way? It’s time to end all that negativity. Here, we set out seven steps to help create unstoppable success from within

Your mind doesn’t know the difference between positive and negative thoughts. If you tell yourself you’re stupid or not good enough, guess what? Your mind will believe you. That one thought will seep into your subconscious, and every time something doesn’t go to plan you will say: “See? I knew I couldn’t do this.” You reaffirm what you believe is true, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it’s time to put a stop to this self-sabotage; here are seven steps to help you completely reset your brain when you need it to step into your true greatness!

1. Change your personal preconceptions

Your personal preconceptions are made up of two layers: past experiences that have affected you before; and the core beliefs those experiences have created within you.

The past experiences will have had either a positive or negative effect on the way you perceive yourself. This will lead to the beliefs and core values (the current set of rules that you are living your life by) which have created your boundaries, fears, and doubts.

Think about any memorable moments that have had a negative effect on you, and what limiting beliefs you are holding on to as a direct result of them.

2. Rewriting your past

According to a study by Dr Julia Shaw, a psychological scientist at University College London, 50% of your memories have been distorted. This shows that our brains cannot tell the difference between true or false memories, which subsequently can lead to us changing the past and accepting things as you see them now, not necessarily how they actually were.

When you think back to a memory that was a negative experience for you, ask yourself these two questions: what did I learn from that experience? How has it made me stronger?

Reflecting on these questions allows your mind to seek positivity. Release any pain, forgive openly, and fuel yourself with the strength those experiences have already given you.

3. Start creating the new you

Your values are a list of things that are important to you in your life. Examples of these could be kindness, honesty, loyalty, compassion, and ambition. Jot down what values you’d like to have, without any limitations.

Your core beliefs are a set of rules you have about yourself, and how you want to live your life. Categories could include happiness, wealth, success, and family. Your core beliefs are the things that you hold important. Write down what you’d like your core beliefs to be, without any limitations.

4. Quit the negative self-talk

When a negative thought enters your head, you have the power to change it into a positive thought, which will then completely alter your perception of the world.

I picture any negative comments in my head as a passing cloud that is floating by. I allow it to pass without a

From a moving documentary to a new challenge, and an app that will improve your communication, try something fresh with our insightful suggestions

1. Page-turners

I didn’t do the thing today by Madeleine Dore

In a society of goal-setters, it can feel like you’re always playing the catch-up game to try to be as productive as your friends and colleagues, but author Madeleine Dore tells us why it’s OK not to achieve everything on your to-do list, and instead encourages us to embrace the unpredictability of life.

(Murdoch Books, £12.99)

2. Out and about

Nature walk bingo

Bingo doesn’t just have to be reserved for community halls; why not incorporate it into your daily walk for a fun way to keep you active and connected to nature? Being present in the moment and trying to spot what’s around you will allow you to see things that might have usually passed you by. You might be surprised with what you see when you open your mind to it…

(Subscribe to issue 64 to try Happiful's very own nature bingo on your next walk)

3. Act of kindness

Post a Sue Ryder sympathy card to a loved one

No one should have to go through the grieving process alone, but sometimes it can be difficult to find the right words. As part of a bereavement campaign, the Sue Ryder charity has launched a limited-edition pack of four beautifully designed postcards that you can send to someone on their grieving journey. Order your free pack online, and have it delivered to your door.

(Visit sueryder.org for more)

4. Lend us your ears

‘Table Manners’

Mother and daughter duo Jessie and Lennie Ware invite celebrity guests, from Michael Bublé to David Schwimmer, to talk about all things food, family, and more. The down-to-earth nature of the podcast really makes you feel like you’re part of a family conversation around your own dining table. Listen to it today, and don’t forget to bring your table manners!

(Available on all podcast platforms)

5. Plugged-In

It’s Lennie

Lennie is the digital best friend you didn’t know you needed in your life – until now! The endearing, animated blob is a TikTok creator that shares wholesome content to support one mission: to help people get through the day. Life can be challenging, but Lennie is there to reassure you that it’s all OK, with gentle reminders and heart-warming videos.

(Follow @itslennie on TikTok and Instagram)