The anniversary of a traumatic event can bring up feelings you experienced at the time, even years later. Learn more about these ‘anniversary reactions’ and ways that you can cope

The images of Grenfell Tower engulfed in flames will forever be etched in our nation’s memory. Half a decade on from the horrific fire, our thoughts and prayers are with those who lost loved ones, the survivors, and the wider Grenfell community.

This kind of anniversary - one resulting from a traumatic event, be it a national or worldwide disaster, or an individual loss - can reactivate many thoughts and feelings from the time, creating a kind of ‘anniversary effect’. You may be more likely to remember events clearly and feel emotions more intensely than usual.

Here, we’ll explore what the anniversary effect is in relation to trauma and grief, and how to cope around the time of a traumatic anniversary.

What is the ‘anniversary effect’?

The ‘anniversary effect’ is felt on or around a date that marks a significant event. It might be the date a loved one died or their birthday, or the day an assault or accident happened. As that date nears, memories can start to resurface, and it can feel like you’re experiencing the annual echo of a trauma.

Although being reminded of difficult feelings around an anniversary is a common and normal part of the grieving process, it can be distressing. Anniversary reactions can also signal that you’re not yet over the trauma of your experience and may need to process or work through your grief. As a result, some researchers feel that this anniversary reaction should be listed as a symptom of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).

In this video, trauma specialist Greg James explains more about trauma, including how we process trauma, what is considered a traumatic event, the differences between trauma and PTSD and what support is available.

If you have a difficult date approaching, here are some techniques to help you deal with the anniversary effect.

Plan ahead

Take time to think about the months ahead and note any dates that have painful memories attached to them. Remind yourself that the days or weeks leading up to these dates could be tough for you.

Particularly if you’ve experienced an anniversary reaction before and feel you might be vulnerable again, let supportive friends and family members know so they can be there for you.

Reduce your media consumption

As well as being mindful of your own anniversaries, it can be helpful to be aware of any public traumas, such as terrorist events or natural disasters that will receive mass media coverage.

It’s likely that, during these times, there will be an increase in imagery and stories of the event that you may find distressing, and which could trigger your own personal memories. It could be helpful to try to limit how much news you consume online or on the TV around these times.

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It can be hard to know what to say to someone grieving the loss of a baby, but it's vital that we try. Here, we provide tips for finding the right words

In the UK, one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, and one in 250 babies are stillborn each year. And, yet, it’s an experience that is often hidden away, and is a topic that many people struggle to talk about openly.

“As a society, we are generally very uncomfortable talking about baby loss and miscarriage, likely because it feels so wrong that babies should die,” says Samantha Phillis, a midwife and counsellor.

“We also do not have a word for grieving parents in the English language, yet we have a word for losing a spouse (widow/widower) and losing our parents (orphan). This might reinforce our discomfort about acknowledging the loss of a child.”

With that in mind, it’s vital we don’t hide from this difficult reality, and that we step up to be there for loved ones whose babies have died. Here, Samantha offers tips for finding the right words.

1. Ask how the parents are feeling about the baby

“When a baby dies, many people think that asking about the baby, and how the parents are feeling, will somehow trigger the parents to be more upset,” says Samantha.

Of course, the reality is that the parents will already be thinking about the baby, and Samantha points out that trying to carry on as usual, and not talking about the baby, is the potentially more harmful route. She adds that the parents will also likely feel relieved to know that you are someone that they can come talk about their loss with, without the pressure of maintaining small talk.

2. Use their baby’s name

“Many parents whose baby has died have very few memories with their baby, but the one thing they will have is the name they have chosen for them,” Samantha explains. “Saying their baby’s name reinforces the acknowledgement that their baby was real and remains an important member of their family, and their family’s story.”

You shouldn’t try to look past the loss – it doesn’t make it any smaller or any less painful, and only further isolates the parents with their grief.

3. Provide practical support

When it comes to offering practical support, the key thing is to take the lead. Comments like, ‘Let me know if you need something’ are well-meaning, but offering to help with specifics means that you’re taking the load of asking off the person who needs the help.

“Offer to make meals or co-ordinate a dinner rota (takethemameal.com is a handy website). Offer to take some laundry or do a shop,” Samantha suggests. “If there are other children around, offer to do the school run, or take the children out for the day. Also, be aware of siblings and, depending on their ages, be somebody the baby’s siblings can come to as they can sometimes feel overwhelmed with grief, but not have the language to express it.”

4. Provide a safe space

“Parents will be experiencing many different feelings in the early days after a baby dies,” S