The Bike Crash

I had this feeling just pulsing in me to take Grayson on a bike ride. I cannot even explain how important it felt. So after cleaning the church we headed home and I told Grayson to grab his bike.

He was ecstatic!!!

And I’m telling you, I was full of love and peace and it felt so right that I was actually very ponderous about what in the world I was feeling.

My bike was in the storage unit but Cade had gotten for me before leaving town but had forgotten my helmet. I had the thought that I should be wearing one (though the angle I got I still would have been beat up but more on that later) but I decided it was just a loop around the block so Grayson threw his on and off we went.

I Should Have Listened

As we came around the cul-de-sac, I had the thought, no I should spend time with him. So I motioned to cross the street and we’d go on the walking trail. I could see a little slope from the road to the trail and I had a flat out thought to walk my bike down it. Immediately I rolled my eyes at myself as if I was being wimpy as it was so tiny, and continued forward. Just as I got to the edge I could see that it wasn’t a slope but a little ledge of asphalt and instead of grass that section had loose gravel.

I knew it before it happened.

The tire snagged the broken up asphalt and then skidded through the loose gravel, unable to grip the ground and as much as I tried to save it the bike spun out to the side and launched me forward.

I cannot stop replaying, like an old VHS on rewind, my face about to slam straight into the concrete.

I felt my teeth immediately.

They were no longer where they should be.

“Mom, Are You OK?”

And as I lifted my head to assess the damage I my brain was whirring with the worst. Feeling the blood everywhere and the dirt and the reality of hard concrete under me, both helping me feel secure and pulsing as the enemy that crushed me I felt as though the bones in my face had shattered and my lips had been ripped from my mouth.

And then I heard the softness of a familiar voice behind me…

“Mom!!! Are you ok?!”

I rolled over and started to sit up, absolutely certain I’d just crushed every bone in my right hand and my face…

What are the Chances?

The day before my accident a little girl down the road had come to play with Grayson for the first time. I grabbed her dad’s number just in case, we chatted for a bit and then I carried on with my life.

What are the chances?

I had just watched my face hurl into the asphalt and was slowly pushing myself up from the pavement to look myself over. I glanced up and saw a man walking calmly but pointedly across the street to me. He had a smile on his face and concern in his eyes as he squatted down and said, “Hey, you ok?”

What are the chances that a dad we’ve seen at the bus stop would officially get to know me just the day before?

What are the chances that because of his background he would have seen plenty of bloodied up faces and wasn’t the slightest bit worked up about me?

Lifting me to my feet he walked me across the road, back to our neighborhood and said, “how are you feeling?” Just as a wave of nausea hit.

I told him I thought I was going to be sick and he very calmly sat me day and

Peacemakers Needed

It sounded like they (gosh, who even were “they”??) were charging down the hallway right outside my door.

What was happening?!

Were we under attack??

Months ago my family and I traveled to Israel with religious leaders from my church. That night my heart began to pound in my ears and I held my breath as I slowly turned in the blackened room to see if the girls in the bed next to mine were awake with the fear I was experiencing.

I Felt Ok?

Mouths hanging slightly open and covers tucked up under their chins, my two daughters were sound asleep while our hotel in Israel was clearly under attack.

Or so it sounded.

Cade and I had to be separated each night for two weeks as we traveled around Jordan, Israel and the borders of neighboring countries.

No hotel had a room big enough for 5, so boys slept in one room and girls in the other.

I felt responsible.

Frozen.

Confused.

And ok?

I wouldn’t say I felt peace, but I did feel calm as the noise rose and fell for a few hours.

I didn’t dare step out of our room to peer down the hallways at Cade’s room. What if they were out there and three girls, alone but together would become an obvious target.

My texts wouldn’t go through to Cade and then a loud explosion ripped through the air and I glued my eyes to the ceiling while I silently prayed.

Standing Guard

The next morning our entire tour group began to share stories.

Unanswered phone calls to the front desk where workers had abandoned guests, all of whom were from another country and didn’t speak the language or know how to seek help.

Cade had a front row seat to all of it.

Slipping a camera carefully between the curtains to capture images and video here and there.

He waited up all night. Ready, listening, and standing guard at windows and hallways to watch over those, including his family who hid away in their rooms.

Little did I know, this was a fight on the road outside. A barricade and late night surprise attack that ended in an explosion, gun fight and armored vehicles.

One Fearful Night

I’ll never know if anyone was lost that night, but I hurt knowing that my one fearful night pales in comparison to what they are enduring now.

That night another man, a leader in our church also walked the halls, watched, prayed and stood ready to protect those in his care.

I do not understand the things happening in the world, but I understand this:

In the midst of danger there were men I could trust, listen to and who stood between me and them. Looking to truth, and those who lead with it may not have kept the danger from ever happening, but it does give you a source to look to for guidance, peace and yes, even protection.

Peacemakers Needed

Never in the history of the world have we needed those who are able to stand upon watchtowers and walk through abandoned halls more.

My heart has been absolutely destroyed to watch a place I just wandered, discovered, and loved be turned to war. It’s not right. It’s not fair, but it is not “them”, it is all of us. We need

Trusting in the Lord

“Mom, What am I going to do?”
Our 16 year old daughter called stranded, alone, and thousands of miles from home.

The day we found a place to rent up north and were trying to desperately, quickly snatch up and sign a contract so we would be able to move just 4 days later was turning into chaos.

The entire time she’d been gone on her humanitarian trip I’d felt like she’d left us with this incredible gift but little did I know that she’d been given something ahead of time that would prove to be life-changing for her and her resilience in life.

Trust in the Lord

We took an absolutely amazing trip to the mountains and on one particular evening we were caught off guard by this incredible glow of the most spectacular display of light. The next day we drove home and walked through 5 more homes trying so hard to find a place to buy as time was winding down to leave the home we’d sold.

Sometime that evening Peyton texted me before heading off to a friend’s house,

“Mom, you should read sister @bonniehcordon talk on Trusting the Lord, it seems important.”

I did.
And it was.
The next night I had Peyton share it with the family along with an invitation to adopt the 3 areas mentioned to increase our trust:
1. Have meaningful prayers
2. Study the scriptures
3. Serve others

We decided to do each one every single day for the summer as a way to show the Lord that we trust Him to lead us to where we are to go.

I thought it would help us focus and actively participate in “waiting” on a blessing.
And it did.

But I didn’t know that it was to teach her to be ready to face a trial all on her own at 16.

Delayed

Peyton served for 2 weeks on a humanitarian trip and continued our 3 areas of focus. The day she was to return I woke up frustrated that we hadn’t found a home, a prayer I’d begged for an answer to so that she wouldn’t return home to the mess of life.

You all know how that went down and I was aware that even though it was the last hour, which it often is, that the blessing was granted. Not the way we wanted but it felt guided and right.

And then my phone started going off.
Delay afte

The Move – Part 3

Friday night I went to bed worried and a bit defeated but still trying so hard to hold onto a thread of hope. I’d called, texted, emailed everything and everyone I could find. What in the world was going on that people wouldn’t even return our calls and texts about homes?! It was frustrating.

Yesterday morning Cade woke up and looked online one more time.

And two homes were newly available.

I drove like a mad woman, shocked that they had agreed to let me walk through.

And now, we are moving to Farmington.

I’m so grateful.

The Miracle Comes

I guess it really is true that you go until you have nothing left to give and then the miracle comes.

We move in just a couple of days and need to figure out schools, doctors etc. so it’s going to be a week to get through. But it’s also going to be the beginning of a story yet to be written and how exciting is that?!

I still have a summer of miracles to tell you all about. Miracles, I’m learning are often not in the ask, the real miracles are in the people and moments along the way. But yesterday, that was a miracle for sure and I’ll never deny that while it’s not the plan we’d set out for, it’s certainly going to end up even better for the people we find there.

Waiting

Someone, gosh maybe EVERYONE saw me do it.

I cried a broken cry on the freeway as out loud I said:

“Where are you?!”

I was driving home from having found a house that we could rent until we find a more permanent forever, but I didn’t experience the feels like you would have expected.

It didn’t feel miraculous.

Though I’m certain it was.

I didn’t feel that acknowledgment of peaceful or right though it is.

Instead, it felt empty.

We’d prayed, fasted, hoped and acted all summer in faith that we were to move north.

We paused buying a home when nothing felt right and turned our attention to renting. I will be honest, that’s hard for me. I like to be settled and to be home but I could see that there might be a better story in “waiting” – the motto of my life
Out of all the homes we contacted about renting, I’d guess only 2% even responded to texts, phone calls and emails.

The Sunbeams that Barely Reach Us

It was BEYOND frustrating.

So where was God?

We were doing everything “right” and we felt hope and devotion to the miracle, so where was it and where was He?!

The homes on Saturday are lovely homes. The one we will move to is literally the only one that responded, was available and the nicest people own it.

So was it a miracle?

Sometimes we want to have the sun not only rise but completely envelop us in its light AND its warmth. But often its far away and we miss the streams that, like in this photo, barely reach to us as a reminder that it’s there, it’s coming, but not yet.
I think wh

The Move – Part 2

The Wait

Waiting is About Changing