Mondays can be hard, so refocus your energy with these uplifting affirmations

Mondays can be a drag. And when you’ve got an overwhelming, never-ending to-do list in front of you, the stresses of the week ahead are creeping up, and the thought of putting one foot in front of the other feels too much, it’s easy to be filled with Monday morning dread.

While we can’t actually take away the source of the dread – as much as we might want to – there are some tried and tested techniques for building up resilience, and affirmations top the list.

Affirmations are short, simple phrases that we can repeat to ourselves to ground us in the moment, and to remind ourselves of the strength we have inside. They can also prompt us to refocus our attention on the reality that we face, and are a helpful reminder of the ability that we each have to take some control back over our mindset.

These affirmations are designed to help build a sense of calm and reassurance, so that you can go on to face the day, and the week ahead, with confidence and resilience. Repeat them to yourself first thing in the morning, or whenever you need an extra boost. Each week brings new challenges our way, but by dedicating just a small amount of time to this simple practice, you could uncover the key to staying balanced.

1. Today is a new day.

2. I am committed to my personal growth.

3. I am capable of tackling any obstacle.

4. My thoughts do not control me, I control my thoughts.

5. I am worthy of investing in myself.

6. My feelings deserve to be recognised.

7. I am the architect of my own life.

8. I give myself permission to follow my dreams.

9. I can deal with the hurdles that come my way.

10. I am safe.

11. I know what I am doing.

12. I deserve respect.

13. I recognise my achievements.

14. My feelings are valid and I Iisten to them.

15. I do not need to prove myself to anyone.

16. I live in line with my values.

17. I will take time to find joy in my day.

18. I am calm.

19. I will make time for myself when I need it.

20. I will achieve my goals.

Need extra support? You might benefit from working with a life coach. Find out more, and connect with a professional using lifecoach-directory.org.uk

Have you ever started dating someone, and it’s felt like your relationship has gone from meeting up for coffee to planning to move in overnight? If you’re in a relationship where it feels like things have left you feeling overwhelmed (in a good or bad way) with their intensity, it could be a sign of love bombing

Passionate. Exciting. Fast-moving. It’s like they can’t get enough of you, with the constant compliments, loud exclamations of love and devotion, grand gestures and (expensive) gifts. They want to spend every minute with you. We’ve all been in one of those relationships, haven’t we? Who doesn’t love to feel loved?

But what happens when those gestures of love and affection come at a price? What if those overwhelming shows of affection aren’t actually a way of showing how much they care about you, but a way of gaining control?

What is love bombing?

According to the experts, love bombing can be a sign of a toxic or abusive relationship. If you’ve ever felt that your partner’s pace is overwhelming, their attention relentless, and have been unsure if it has made you feel unbelievably happy, unpleasantly uncomfortable, or a mixture of the two, then you may have been love-bombed.

“Love bombing is a term used in psychology and sociology to describe a type of behaviour in which a person demonstrates an excessive amount of love and affection for another person.” Counselling Directory member and counsellor Ian Stockbringe explains. “The goal of love bombing is to make the recipient feel loved and important. It can be used as a technique to control or manipulate someone or to win their affection. Love bombing can be manipulative and emotionally abusive, as the recipient may depend on the bomber’s constant attention and affection.”

For many of us, the more affection we recieve, the better we feel. But that’s the problem - the more we feel pulled into the onslaught of affection and attention, the harder it can be to recognise other warning signs in your relationship. At its core, love bombing is emotional manipulation, used to boost the love bombers ego by gaining a sense of power and control over another person.

Why do people love bomb?

While this tactic is most frequently used by narcissists, abusers, and con artists, not everyone is aware when they use this tactic. For some, growing up in a family or culture where overt expressions of love and affection were normal, can make them more likely to shower others with attention and words of love without considering this may make others feel uncomfortable.

For others, a lack of connection or feelings of insecurity may push them to move too fast, in an effort to form long-lasting attachments. Some may unconsciously take on negative behaviours (love bombing) due to past relationships. Yet for others, it is a way to manipulate, influence, or take advantage in order to gain what they want.

Counselling Directory member and counsellor Emma Davey explains more about Read more

We look at the pros and cons of taking a mental vacation when things get tough

Escapism can come in many forms. Perhaps you find it when engrossed in a good movie or maybe when endlessly scrolling funny videos on TikTok. It’s that feeling you get when you lift yourself out of the here and now to somewhere else – somewhere that feels better for your mind.

Over the last few years, I would hazard a guess that more of us are indulging in escapism. Real life can be… a lot. Whether it’s the pandemic, social justice issues or worldwide tragedies, it’s understandable that some of us feel the need to check out mentally from time to time.

I’ve always thought of escapism as a purely good thing; something we need now and then. But is there a point where escapism could be detrimental to our mental health?

Let’s look at some of the pros and cons.

Benefits of escapism:

It can help reduce stress

This is perhaps one of the most common reasons we turn to escapism. Getting lost in a favourite book, daydreaming while listening to a song or playing a video game can all help us switch off, release tension and reduce stress. When things get too much, a little escapism gives you the equivalent of a mental vacation, but it’s important to remember this is only treating the symptoms of stress. To truly reduce stress, we need to identify the root cause.

It can inspire us

Creative pursuits can be a wonderful ticket to escapism. Doodling imaginary scenes, making music, watching films/TV that makes us think, writing stories… it can all inspire us to think more broadly and spark a fire within us. These forms of escapism can be considered productive and often leave us feeling pretty good.

It can keep us motivated

Sometimes we need to step back to recognise where we’re going. Escapism can help us do that. Try daydreaming about a day in your ‘ideal’ life, from breakfast to bedtime, and ask yourself how it’s different from your current life. What small steps could you take to bridge that gap? Holidays can also be considered a form of escapism and these can offer the break in routine we all need to stay motivated when we get home.

Cons of escapism:

It can be a form of procrastination

Have you ever used escapism when you know you should be doing something else? Perhaps you’re binge-watching a series to avoid family commitments or scrolling on social media instead of working on a deadline. Procrastination often comes up when we’re feeling fearful of a task (maybe we doubt our abilities or feel anxious about it) and escapism can help to facilitate this.

It can lead to avoidance

Taking it one step further, sometimes we can use escapism as a way to avoid difficult emotions. I know I use social media scrolling as a numbing tool when I have an anxiety flare-up, for example. Maybe you shut yourself inside with video games when you’re feeling low.

“Escapism is the opposite of mindfulness – that is living in the moment, of living mindfully. It may be that for you, facing reality is simply too terrifying. This is at the root of your anxiety, the fear of ‘doing the living’, becoming frighten

The topic of suicide is incredibly sensitive, and distressing to discuss, but it’s only by breaking the stigma that we can bring the subject into the light, and ensure those in need get help as soon as possible

Suicide isn’t an easy topic to talk about, but many of us have been impacted by losing a loved one or friend, or know someone who has. That’s why it’s so important that we talk about it together. Here’s what I have learned though my work as a psychotherapist, clinical supervisor, critical incident debriefer, and survivor of multiple deaths by suicide in my family, and of my beloved best friend. Please take care of yourself as you read this, as you may get triggered.

Suicide isn’t a new idea; the intentional ending of one’s own life has been practised throughout human history. It is a deeply evocative and provocative subject, and one unique to humans, so it’s not surprising that researchers clearly want to know the why, in order to answer questions about human cognition, and to understand free will and choice. Those left behind, also wondering why, want to make some sense of their bewilderment and devastation.

The World Health Organisation estimates that there are more than 700,000 completed suicides each year around the world. In the UK, the Office for National Statistics reported a total of 5,224 deaths by suicide in England and Wales in 2020 (75.1% males). For every completed suicide, many more are attempted, and this is the single most important risk factor in future attempts.

Suicide is often the end point of a journey; an accumulation of experiences, related thoughts and feelings that result in a fatal choice. Ultimately, the fact is, each individual is precious and unique, with their own experience of the world and, try as we might, we may never pin-point why they took that path, even if we had the capacity to retrace every moment of their lives.

I want to offer some definitions of suicide so that we can have a framework to use.

Suicidal ideation is generally defined as thoughts about engaging in suicidal behaviour – wanting to cause intentional, intended, and fatal self-harm. Feelings vary from mild to severe (mild thoughts that come and go and which are very common, to severe, i.e. having a clear plan). This can change from one extreme to the other within hours, or between one day and the next.

Para suicide refers to engaging in highly risky and dangerous behaviours with absolute disregard for one’s own safety, or that of others. Examples include dangerous driving at excessive speeds, excessive drinking, drug overdoses, and picking fights despite the dangers involved.

Suicide is the deliberate intent of employing one or more means to end one’s own life. Individuals with a history of previous failed attempts have been shown to have a significantly higher likelihood to end their lives through suicide.

Impulsive suicide is often driven by extreme feelings in relation to major adverse events, such as a sudden (unexp

Homework can feel like an impossible struggle for kids with ADHD, but it doesn’t have to be that way…

As a child who grew up with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), I know what it’s like to skip homework day after day. I was fortunate to have parents who were very laid back – but, had they been pushy parents, I assure you, I still wouldn’t have got much done.

There’s this feeling, I like to call it the ‘I can’t be bothered’ feeling, which prevails every time I try to concentrate. On the rare occasion when I’d overcome the ‘I can’t be bothered’ feeling (like on the evening before an exam) you can rest assured that it would be back again the following day. On top of this, there are all the other challenges of executive dysfunction such as forgetfulness, working memory, inattention, and time management, which don’t make things any easier.

Many children I work with are so tired when they arrive home from school that they barely have any energy left in the tank. This is common for ADHD-ers, as it usually coincides with when their medication starts to wear off. So, what can you do to make homework easier for kids with ADHD?

How to understand processing modalities

From my experience, there are several strategies that can help. However, it’s important to recognise that each child is different and will be energised depending on their individual strengths and processing modalities, whether it be auditory, kinaesthetic, visual, or tactile. For example, one of my clients does their homework using coloured sharpie pens (visual), some can only complete reading tasks while listening to ‘white noise’ (auditory), while others prefer a ‘POP IT’ toy or Thinking Putty (kinaesthetic).

There’s nothing wrong with applying two items at the same time. One of my students discovered that she focuses better when using a scented diffuser together with an hourglass timer to help with her time management. These are just a few ideas that can make a big difference.

1. Flexibility

As you may well know, ADHD-ers hate being told what to do. That is why it can be so useful to give them a flexible time frame. Give your child ownership by asking when they’d like to complete their homework. Obviously, giving them the entire weekend is too long a window. The homework just won’t get done. However, offering a two-hour timeframe for your child to complete an hour’s worth of work, allows them to approach it in their own way. It also helps the child to psych themselves up for the unwelcome experience. This will make the transition from recreation to homework that little bit easier. If your child struggles to move away from the screen, then other interventions may be necessary.

2. Reward schemes

Many children with ADHD aren’t motivated by the long-term rewards of education. ADHD-ers need something ‘instant’ to look forward to, whether it be screen-time, a tasty treat, a gadget, or a packet of stickers for their collection. An instant reward has the effect of stimulating the brain in the short-term. One child I coach has an arrangement, whereby for each evening of completed homework, they receive 3