It should be a time for celebration, but sometimes our birthday triggers difficult feelings. Here, we explore how to cope with the annual event
For most people, birthdays are a fun and happy time to celebrate with friends and family. After all, they only happen once a year. However, birthdays can sometimes be accompanied by feelings of disinterest, depression, and sadness on, or in the days leading to, your birthday – AKA the birthday blues.
But, why does this happen? “The expectation to feel joy and celebrate when we don’t feel like it or may not have good reason to, can be part of the issue,” says counsellor James Eve. “‘I should feel happy or elated,’ makes no allowances for what you actually feel. We can recognise that even occasions that are a cause for celebration can contain within them moments of sadness or grief.”
However, there are a range of techniques you can utilise, and ways that you can alleviate these blue feelings...
1. Manage your expectations
Unfulfilled expectations can leave us feeling disappointed. Perhaps you may have wanted to buy a house or change careers by the time you reached a certain age, but that didn’t happen.
“The beautiful thing about expectations is that they can always be changed or managed,” James explains. “If you didn’t achieve X, then perhaps change it to Y, or break down X into more manageable chunks. Did you want to climb Mount Everest? Perhaps start with Ben Nevis.”
2. Embrace ageing
While society often tells us to fear it, ageing is a completely natural process. In fact, according to research published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, the older you get, the happier you become.
“As we age, we also have a better understanding of what makes us tick, and can make more informed decisions,” James says. “With maturity, we may also have the opportunity to be more fully ourselves, to drop any pretenses, or stop trying to fit in, which can be liberating and something not easily obtained from our youth.”
3. Gratitude attitude
It’s common human nature to focus more on the negativities surrounding your life. Perhaps you just lost your job, or broke up with your partner, and you may feel that there is nothing worth being thankful for on your birthday. Actively focusing on what brings you joy and reflecting on the positives can help with such feelings.
James highlights how you can incorporate this into your day-to-day life: “Try a daily practice of 15 minutes. Focus on what you are grateful for; reflect on people, places, or objects that bring you joy. If this feels difficult, keep going with it. We have to work the muscle for it to be stronger.”
4. Decide what your version of ‘celebration’ is
During birthdays, it’s acceptable for you to be selfish. By identifying your desires, you can decide whether an extravagant celebration, a small family dinner, a solo day at the beach, or not celebrating at all, is what work