4 ways to connect with your core emotions and enhance your life

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What are our key feelings, and how can accepting them enhance our lives?

4 ways to connect with your core emotions and enhance your life

The vast spectrum of emotions can be a minefield. It can be hard to know how to express the things we’re feeling, in part because being ‘in touch’ with our own emotions doesn’t always come naturally – at least, perhaps in this day and age, when putting your feelings aside in favour of agreeableness is common practice.

The task of getting in-tune with our feelings can feel like a mammoth one, but the first step in doing so could lie in identifying our primary emotions, and going from there. The thinking varies slightly on precisely how many ‘core emotions’ we have, but one widely accepted theory from American psychologist Dr Paul Ekman presents six: sadness, happiness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust.

On his website, Dr Ekman writes: “Emotions are a process, a particular kind of automatic appraisal influenced by our evolutionary and personal past, in which we sense that something important to our welfare is occurring, and a set of psychological changes and emotional behaviors [sic] begins to deal with the situation.”

When you put it like that, it sounds quite simple. Emotions are just things that happen to us, for the ultimate purpose of survival. Even so, many of us will be familiar with the experience of being ruled by them, as much as being out of touch with them. But does it have to be that way?

Getting to the heart of it

“In my 40s, I went through a rough patch in my life, experiencing depression and panic attacks for the first time,” says Fiona McAlister, an integrative trauma-informed psychotherapist. “Out of these experiences, I learned much that lifted me from those states, and introduced new practices into my regular routine that enable me now to maintain a well-balanced emotional and physical state. Crucially, this changed mindset, my more awakened understanding, and nourishing practices have supported me to find blissful peace of mind – a peace based securely on the knowledge that I am safe, no matter what happens in my life.”

As Fiona explains, at the heart of her philosophy was the understanding of humans’ primal need for safety – when we don’t feel safe, we cannot function fully and healthily. Just like Dr Ekman explains, our emotions are there to keep us alive, to alert us to things that aren’t safe, and it’s for that reason that getting to know our core emotions, learning our individual signs, and our triggers, can set us free. For Fiona, that’s achieved with four key steps…

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The six universal core emotions

Sadness
An upsetting emotional state that is linked to other feelings like grief or disappointment.

Enjoyment
Pleasant feelings that can lead to joy, fulfilment, and contentment.

Fear
An emotion designed to keep us safe, which triggers our fight-or-flight response.

Anger
When we feel frustrated or hostile.

Surprise
A positive or negative emotion after experiencing something we didn’t expect.

Disgust
Feelings of repulsion.

Going through changes: discover how to accept and love your postpartum body

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Having a baby is truly life-changing, but it can also shift our relationship with our physical selves. From our wardrobe to our own identity, we look at our bodies in a whole new way after becoming a mum. Here, we explore how to find a better relationship with your body in the postpartum period

Going through changes: discover how to accept and love your postpartum body

While everyone’s pregnancy journey is unique, for many mums-to-be it’s often a time when we feel empowered in our own skin. As we watch our bumps grow, we might marvel at just how capable the human body is (minus the morning sickness and heartburn, of course). One survey by Herbal Essences for its Pregnant Women Can campaign actually found that 65% of expectant mums feel more confident in their bodies than before they fell pregnant but, sadly, this isn’t always the way once the baby has safely arrived.

Part of this is down to societal pressure, with many mums reporting that they’re focused on ‘losing the baby weight’ soon after their child arrives. “An entourage of unrealistic post-baby pictures on social media can exacerbate feelings of dissatisfaction,” says psychotherapist Yvette Vuaran, with a survey by MoneySavingHeroes.co.uk finding that 80% of mums felt pressured to lose weight after having a baby, which, naturally, can negatively impact relationships with their bodies.

This pressure to return to their pre-baby self can leave mums struggling. Research published in the Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology revealed that mums with poor body image actually scored lower in terms of overall wellbeing, self-esteem, and even how competent they felt as a parent. So, the repercussions of this disconnect from our bodies and how they’ve adapted can be vast.

But, it doesn’t have to be this way, and, with the right support and guidance, mums can still feel confident in their own skin.

Why our bodies change after having a baby

First of all, let’s acknowledge that growing and birthing a human for nine months is a pretty huge achievement. Not only does a pregnant person’s body provide nutrients for their baby, but it physically adapts. As the baby grows and takes up more room, organs such as the liver and stomach are literally pushed upwards and displaced. Is it any wonder that this process leaves our bodies looking (and feeling) a little different?

The hormone changes that happen after childbirth also causes bodies to go through all sorts of changes – and some aren’t the most glamorous. For example, your oestrogen falls quickly, and this makes your hair shed much more obviously than usual. While those who breastfeed might notice this makes your skin feel super dry and flaky (this is because your body uses lots of water while you do it).

But it’s not just hormones that change your body; you may be dealing with physical changes too, such as stretch marks, tearing, or changes to your pelvic floor, impacting daily life. So, it’s no wonder that these differences take some time to adjust to, and while it might seem like you’re alone with these things, but the truth is you’re really not. In fact, up to 90% of first time mums will tear to some degree in vaginal Read more

What is lucky girl syndrome (and is it a healthy mindset to have)?

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Have affirmations and manifestation had a trendy new rebrand? Or is there something more to the new #LuckyGirlSyndrome trend taking over TikTok?

What is lucky girl syndrome (and is it a healthy mindset to have)?

We’re constantly finding new ways to rebrand our habits, experiences, and ourselves. #LuckyGirlSyndrome has taken over as the latest trend, with over 396 million views, as of February 13 2023. In recent times we’ve seen buzzwords like quiet thriving, halo and horn syndrome, and even quiet quitting gain traction. But are these just shiny new words to describe everyday behaviours, habits and reactions? Or is there really something behind the latest trend that can help us to make meaningful changes in our lives?

What is lucky girl syndrome?

Lucky girl syndrome started taking off in popularity in early 2023. Hailed as a new way of manifesting your goals, in essence, it uses affirmations (positive statements that impact how we think and behave) to influence what our minds focus on and to refocus on positive self-talk over negative.

Find out more about what affirmations are and do they really work.

The goal is often centred around having everything work out the way that you’re hoping it will - whether that’s having career opportunities open up, monetary success, or just believing good things will happen to you. Assume success and positive outcomes, and things will start to work out.

Some believe there’s neuroscience behind how lucky girl syndrome works. As some experts have pointed out, lucky girl syndrome can be seen as a rebranding of positive affirmations – a tool known for helping shift our mindsets and achieve specific goals, but not something in and of itself that can act as a magic ‘insta-fix’ or ‘cure-all’.

Regularly practising positive affirmations can help us to trick our brains into thinking we are actually experiencing something. It’s why you might feel more excitement in the run-up and planning stages of a holiday than you do on the actual vacation itself. Or why if you’re really anxious about an interview, creating a mental image of it going well can trick parts of your brain into thinking it has actually had a positive experience. Doing this over and over can help you to avoid self-sabotaging thoughts, behaviours, or habits, helping open you up for success.

@coachrachelleindra

Lucky girl syndrome is something that science has proven. This is why setting morning I tensions is so important. #luckygirl Read more

5 impactful tips to help you reclaim power over your emotional triggers

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When your emotions and senses are heightened, try these tips

5 impactful tips to help you reclaim power over your emotional triggers

‘Being triggered’ usually refers to encountering something – a place, action, sound, smell, picture, or anything else – causing someone to recall a traumatic experience from their past. When someone is triggered, they may have a very intense emotional reaction. They might panic, feel overwhelmed, cry, withdraw, become angry, tense, or distressed.

If this sounds familiar, it’s worth considering reaching out to a mental health professional – if you haven’t already – so that they can work with you one-on-one to explore your individual experiences and circumstances. But here, we’ve teamed up with integrative counsellor and psychotherapist Belinda Sidhu, to share some initial advice for coping with being triggered.

Come back to the present moment

“Often, when we feel triggered or experience an intense emotional reaction, we may no longer feel we are ‘here’, and the fight/flight/freeze response can kick in,” Belinda says. “Reminding ourselves that we are safe, and finding a helpful way to ground ourselves can help us come back to the here and now.”

Belinda notes one way of doing this, which is by using our senses to name: five things we can see; four things we can touch; three things we can hear; two things we can smell; and one thing we can taste, or are grateful for. You may also want to try repeating affirmations to yourself, such as ‘I am safe,’ ‘I am present,’ ‘I am in control.’

Focus on your breathing

Sometimes, when we’re feeling out of control, one of the best things we can do is to turn our focus back to the things that we can control – and zoning in on your breathing does just that, as well as setting off some powerful psychophysiological mechanisms.

Breathing techniques can be a helpful way to regulate our nervous system,” Belinda explains. “They can activate our parasympathetic nervous system that promotes the ‘rest and digest’ response (the opposite to the fight/flight/freeze).

“There are many different breathing exercises out there. Box, or square, breathing is a simple yet powerful technique that you can do just about anywhere, and which takes seconds to practise.”

Belinda points to an article published in Frontiers in Psychology, which showed how ‘box breathing’ was able to lower the levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as reduce anxiety and stress, and increase attention levels.

Ready to give it a go? Inhale to a count of four, hold for four, exhale to a count of four, hold for four, and repeat for several rounds.

Remember that a trigger is information

“By asking curious questions, we can start to understand our triggers, and through this process, they can become easier to spot and deal with,” Belinda explains. “You may find it helpful to do this through journaling, or through speaking with a therapist.

“Some questions which may be helpful to ask are: What is this trigger telling me? When did I first feel this way? What does this remind me of? What thoughts came with these feelings?”

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5 morning rituals to help you sleep more soundly

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Could the root of a good night’s sleep start with how you begin your day?

5 morning rituals to help you sleep more soundly

Sleep is more than just a time for your body and mind to rest. During the night, your body rebuilds muscles you’ve worn down during the day and, according to a study by the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, during deep sleep the brain’s glymphatic system cleans itself of toxins that accumulate while you’re awake. Sleep also plays a part in keeping your memories intact and regulating your emotions, not to mention the immune system and metabolism.

Generally, good quality sleep happens when our behaviours align with our circadian rhythm – our 24-hour body clock that causes us to get sleepy at night and alert during the day. With that in mind, a great night’s sleep could begin with a simple set of morning rituals to create a better environment for sleep. So, where should we start?

1. Decide on a fixed wake-up time

It’s tricky for your body to get used to a healthy sleep routine if you constantly wake up at different times. So, decide on a wake-up time and stick with it, even at weekends when you could be tempted to sleep in.

A study from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) shows that the minimum recommended sleep for healthy adults is seven hours a night. Decide on your ideal wake-up time, 7AM, for example, and figure out what time you should be aiming to be in bed. You can also try tracking your body’s natural rhythm, to see how much sleep you need to wake feeling rested.

2. Expose yourself to light

Circadian rhythms are affected primarily by light and darkness, and are controlled by a small area in the middle of the brain. Well-managed light exposure can boost performance, as well as improve memory, energy levels, and mood.

Undoubtedly, one of the best ways to wake up your brain and maximise your energy is to get 20 minutes of sunlight first thing in the morning every day, to help promote wakefulness and suppress melatonin or sleepiness. If there is no sun available to you, or no natural light, get 20 minutes of artificial light – there are apps you can download that mimic sunlight, and digital alarm clocks that are designed to replicate a sunrise.

3. Rehydrate yourself

Most of us lose a whole litre overnight, so this is the next essential ritual to adopt. Drink your water soon after getting up to counteract dehydration from sleep. Dehydration can affect how you perform mentally and physically throughout the day, but also how well you sleep. And, even in its mildest form, dehydration can cause your sleep to become disrupted. So, drink up!

4. Delay your first caffeinated drink

Many of us believe that our day just has to begin with tea or coffee. We rely on our morning caffeine to wake up our bodies and prepare our minds. But would you believe me if I told you that you’d get more of an energy boost if you delayed that first caffeine hit for at least 90 minutes after waking?

If you drink caffeine while your cortisol (your body’s primary stress hormone, a bit like nature’s built-in alarm system) levels are still elevated, you’re introducing caffeine into your body when you

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