How often do you go on first impressions? Have you ever made a snap judgement about someone? You could be falling victim to cognitive bias

You might have heard the expression, ‘the first impression is the last impression’, meaning it’s hard to change an opinion of someone once it’s formed. Sometimes, we make quick decisions about people and without realising we rely on biases to do this.

The ‘halo or horn effect’ is a cognitive bias where our impression of someone influences how we feel about their overall character. Our brains are trying to categorise copious amounts of information based on previous experiences and memories. But sometimes this isn’t so reliable and we make a biased positive or negative opinion of someone. An easy example to highlight how we might do this is by putting more trust in someone who is an authority figure than someone who is not.

What is the ‘halo effect’?

The ‘halo effect’ is an unconscious bias in which our impression of a person influences how we feel and think about their character. It says that a positive impression of someone in a single area positively influences our feelings of that person in other areas. Kathryn Wheeler at Happiful explains the origins of the halo effect in her article, What is the halo or horn effect and how does it affect workplace culture?

“The concept has its origins in the work of 1920s American psychologist Edward Thorndike. In an experiment, Thorndike asked commanding officers to rate the physique, intelligence, leadership, and character traits of soldiers, before having any interactions with them. What he saw was that when the officer gave a soldier a high rating in one category, they tended to also give them high ratings in the others, too. He named this the ‘halo effect’.”

The expression ‘halo’ refers to the concept sometimes found in religious art, meaning we see that person in an overly positive light. Once the ‘halo effect’ has a good grip on us, it’s difficult to think in a neutral way when evaluating others. One common example of this is when we judge someone’s character based on how attractive we find them. Some people believe that attractiveness affects how we perceive that person’s personality. Certain marketing campaigns use this idea to help sell products. The opposite of this is making negative assumptions about someone’s personality based on how unattractive you may find them. This is known as the ‘horn effect’.

What is the ‘horn effect’?

The ‘horn effect’ is the other side of the coin, when a negative impression of someone in a single area, negatively influences our feelings of that person in all other areas. As with the ‘halo effect’, our brains can go into time-saving mode, making snap judgements based on experiences and memories. Even what mood we are in that day can influence the way we unconsciously categorise someone. It can show up in many ways: when choosing which products to buy, who to vote for, who you want to be friends with, who to date, and where to liv

Our natural desire to get on with others is no bad thing, but what happens when people-pleasing starts to hold you back?

As human beings, the need for social connection is hard-wired into our brains, so it’s no wonder that most people place huge importance on being liked. It’s a normal, healthy response to value relationships with others, and what they think of you.

As therapist Kara Nassour points out: “It’s in our genetic makeup to need approval from others. Throughout history, humans have survived cooperatively, and being expelled from your community would usually lead to death. Even today, our brains process social rejection in the same way as physical threats, and try to protect us by making us pay attention to other people’s opinions of us.”

However, in our modern society, life is not so simple, and sometimes the desire to be liked can manifest in unhealthy ways, getting in the way of goals and dreams, and using up precious energy that could be spent elsewhere. Many of us were brought up to be ‘people-pleasers’, to think of others not ourselves. While this has its benefits, taken to an extreme we can lose touch with what our own needs and interests are. It can stop us from knowing ourselves.

Ultimately it’s when we nurture ourselves, and ‘put on our own oxygen mask’ first, that we can be better resourced to care for others. Counter-intuitively, we need to liberate ourselves from the need to be liked by everyone in order to fully show up in our relationship with ourselves, and others.

So how can we do that? Here are some essential ideas to help you break free from the people-pleasing cycle.

What do you want?

What do you want in life? Are there any areas where needing to be liked is holding you back? Perhaps you want to launch a new business, but are nervous about promoting yourself on social media, or handing in your notice to a job you’ve worked in for years.

Here’s a simple exercise to explore what you really want to do, and who you really want to be:

1. Write the ‘naughty’ version of yourself. Don’t hold back.

What would you do, who would you be, if you could be free of worrying about what people will say? Exaggerate and really go for it, even if the persona you create is someone you’d never actually be in real life. This can really help to get liberated from your conventional, everyday self and any expectations of others.

2. Read back over what you have written, and look at it more realistically.

Some of what you have might be completely wild and unobtainable, but you may find that there are some dreams and goals that you could really go for. Is it possible that other people’s potential reactions are holding you back? Is there anything you can do to take a step towards your goal? Journal your thoughts.

What’s the worst thing that could happen?

Try this writing exercise to explore wha

'And/but' statements are designed to help you reframe your feelings, and take an objective, practical approach to problems. Here, we’re sharing 20 examples

Two things can be true at once. It sounds like a basic concept, but it’s something that can often go out the window during times of stress and self-deprecation. For example, have you ever made a mistake and spiralled into a negative thought cycle before, ultimately, concluding that you’re a bad and undeserving person? If so, ‘and/but’ statements could be the tool that you’re looking for.

These statements are designed to help you recognise that we are not our negative thoughts, we are not our mistakes or our shortcomings. We are complex people, with perfectly reasonable needs, reactions, and emotions. To create them, you simply make a statement that sums up the problem and then add ‘and’ or ‘but’ to qualify it with a second that puts it into perspective or offers some reassurance. They can also function as affirmations, reminding you of a truth, belief, or value you have.

Once you’ve got your head around how to formulate them, you’ll likely want to start creating ‘and/but’ statements that are unique to your own situation, and your specific needs. But, here, we’ve gathered together examples for a range of scenarios, each designed to ground you during moments of heightened emotions.

Workplace

‘I am a valued member of the team, and I do not need to take on every project.’
‘I made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean I’m bad at my job.’
‘I am dedicated to my job, and I also need to rest.’
‘I get nervous before meetings, but I’m still in control.’
‘I am capable and knowledgeable, and sometimes I need support.’

Parenting

‘I enjoy being with my family, and sometimes I need a break.’
‘I sometimes feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, but I can ask for help.’
‘I feel others judge me, but I can set boundaries if I need to.’
‘I feel guilty when I can’t balance everything, but I’m trying my best.’
‘I am a capable and confident parent, and sometimes I need support from others.’

Relationships

‘I love spending time with my partner, and I love time alone.’
‘We don’t always have to agree, but we always respect each other.’
‘My relationship uplifts me, but I’m still my own person.’
‘I feel frustrated by their actions, and we can come to a resolution.’
‘I am devoted to my relationship, and I make time to pursue my interests.’

Emotions

‘I experience strong feelings, but I am in control.’
‘I feel negative emotions, and that’s OK and normal.’
‘I feel overwhelmed, but I can take a step back if I need to.’
‘My emotions are real and valid, but they won’t last forever.’
‘Sometimes things go wrong, and I am working on myself.’

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