It’s a condition that affects 1–2% of the population, but it’s often misunderstood. So what is it like to live with obsessive compulsive disorder? One man shares his story of acceptance and advocacy

When we hear the word OCD, many images come to mind: cleanliness, symmetry. Maybe even something comical – “I am so OCD.”

But for those living with OCD, it is the opposite of comical. I use the word ‘living’ and not ‘suffering’, as language is very important. ‘Suffering’ infers a constant state of negativity, trying to survive, whereas ‘living’ suggests a harmony. I live with OCD. So, let me tell you how I remain happy with its existence in my everyday life.

I received my OCD diagnosis on Saturday 4 June, at 27 years old. According to OCDaction, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety condition that causes someone to become stuck in a cycle of distressing obsessions and compulsions. And it’s much more common than originally thought, with estimates of those with the condition suggesting between 1–2% of the population have OCD. That’s anywhere between 600,000 and just over one million people.

Even so, OCD is often trivialised, not helped by TV shows like Obsessive-Compulsive Cleaners. First airing in 2013, in this portrayal OCD was shown to be almost desirable. That couldn’t be more wrong. Additionally, the numbers (given by OCD UK) show that “only 26.5% of people with it actually have cleaning compulsions”. Throwaway comments of willful ignorance about OCD perpetuate misconceptions, and do not reflect the torture it can, at times, create.

OCD popped up in my life around three years ago in the form of a sexually intrusive thought, triggered by being given chlamydia three times by people I dated and trusted. Thoughts like “You still have chlamydia,” “You must have HIV,” and “I need to go to the sexual health clinic,” ran through my mind like a never-ending marathon. Whenever I tried to remove the thought, like the Whac-A-Mole game, it kept popping up. OCD migrated to obsessional thoughts of sexual assault, with the intrusive thought of “rape” popping into my head constantly. Due to these thoughts, I incessantly and illogically believed that I was a rapist. My intrusive thoughts then moved to suicide.

As you would expect, depression hit me like a freight train. Why was I having such detestable thoughts? Thoughts so against who I was as a person?

I was unaware that sexually intrusive thoughts were a part of OCD. But now, since learning that OCD manifests itself through thoughts, urges, and images, I am able to differentiate between my own thoughts and OCD thoughts. It has been a relief. OCD remains a part of my life, but it is not all Shaun Flores is.

People often talk about triggers, what about glimmers? Glimmers are those positive moments that change our pain, turning it into something heartwarming. The glimmers for me are the things I took for granted. OCD taught me to live every day and to stop simply existing. My first glimmer was when I contacted Emma Ga

When bottling up his emotions became too much, Scott Oughton-Johnson decided to seek help but felt something was still missing. This saw the birth of ‘The Proper Blokes Club’, which aims to encourage more men to speak up about their mental health

The suicide rate amongst men is more than triple that of women, with this being the most likely cause of death for men under 50 years old. So, why don’t more men speak up? Well, the answer often lies in our deep-rooted gender stereotypes that portray men as being strong and in control. But, it’s now 2022 and this needs to change because more and more men are being damaged by society’s expectations.

What’s more, men are less likely than women to reach out for support, with only 36% of referrals to NHS psychological therapies being for men.

Scott Oughton-Johnson was one man who decided to take the brave step of acknowledging he needed help, after separating from his previous partner and spending 10 years in and out of court facing a custody battle over his children.

The south London community sports coach admits he bottled up his feelings for a decade, saying, “The stress and anxiety were killing me”. In 2017, Scott decided enough was enough and received cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) on the NHS, but their sessions were limited and, before long, Scott found himself “back in the wild”.

After realising something was still missing, Scott found release in his love for walking and, in 2020, set up a Facebook group to try and reach other men who were going through similar battles with their mental health. Scott would meet up with other men in his position and they would walk through the streets of London, through parks, or down a canal, talking openly about their feelings - allowing them to practice mindfulness and be in the moment. ‘The Proper Blokes Club’ was born.

What started as a rather disheartening one person attending has now grown to anywhere between five and 35 men meeting up every Monday and Wednesday. “It kept growing and growing,” Scott says. Scott has now recruited 'walk leaders' who arrange walks across other boroughs of London, to allow for more men to get involved.

The club provides a safe space for men to talk about their mental health “without the potential judgment you might get from friends and family”. Naturally, friendships have been formed, with the youngest member being just 19, and the oldest, 75. The walkers are added to a WhatsApp group, and each day they check in on one another.

“How many of those [deaths] might have been stopped through a conversation?”

Scott's goal is to register the club as a ‘community interest’ company and roll it out to all London boroughs and nationally. In the meantime, he’s encouraging people to start their own groups.

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