How often do you go on first impressions? Have you ever made a snap judgement about someone? You could be falling victim to cognitive bias

You might have heard the expression, ‘the first impression is the last impression’, meaning it’s hard to change an opinion of someone once it’s formed. Sometimes, we make quick decisions about people and without realising we rely on biases to do this.

The ‘halo or horn effect’ is a cognitive bias where our impression of someone influences how we feel about their overall character. Our brains are trying to categorise copious amounts of information based on previous experiences and memories. But sometimes this isn’t so reliable and we make a biased positive or negative opinion of someone. An easy example to highlight how we might do this is by putting more trust in someone who is an authority figure than someone who is not.

What is the ‘halo effect’?

The ‘halo effect’ is an unconscious bias in which our impression of a person influences how we feel and think about their character. It says that a positive impression of someone in a single area positively influences our feelings of that person in other areas. Kathryn Wheeler at Happiful explains the origins of the halo effect in her article, What is the halo or horn effect and how does it affect workplace culture?

“The concept has its origins in the work of 1920s American psychologist Edward Thorndike. In an experiment, Thorndike asked commanding officers to rate the physique, intelligence, leadership, and character traits of soldiers, before having any interactions with them. What he saw was that when the officer gave a soldier a high rating in one category, they tended to also give them high ratings in the others, too. He named this the ‘halo effect’.”

The expression ‘halo’ refers to the concept sometimes found in religious art, meaning we see that person in an overly positive light. Once the ‘halo effect’ has a good grip on us, it’s difficult to think in a neutral way when evaluating others. One common example of this is when we judge someone’s character based on how attractive we find them. Some people believe that attractiveness affects how we perceive that person’s personality. Certain marketing campaigns use this idea to help sell products. The opposite of this is making negative assumptions about someone’s personality based on how unattractive you may find them. This is known as the ‘horn effect’.

What is the ‘horn effect’?

The ‘horn effect’ is the other side of the coin, when a negative impression of someone in a single area, negatively influences our feelings of that person in all other areas. As with the ‘halo effect’, our brains can go into time-saving mode, making snap judgements based on experiences and memories. Even what mood we are in that day can influence the way we unconsciously categorise someone. It can show up in many ways: when choosing which products to buy, who to vote for, who you want to be friends with, who to date, and where to liv

Have you ever opened up, only to be met with dismissal? This one’s for you

Imagine you’re having a really tough time, so you decide to turn to a friend. You lay out all your emotions over a cuppa, explaining how totally deflated, frustrated, and overwhelmed you feel, hoping your pal will relate.

You wait for some soothing words of encouragement or an affirmative – “I know exactly how you feel.” Instead, your friend minimises and dismisses your emotions, telling you you’re being oversensitive, insisting that you shouldn’t feel the way you do, or informing you that your problems are too small and insignificant to even worry about.

To add insult to injury, they might even offer up unsolicited advice that seems to suggest you’re the one at fault. Their comments don’t make you feel soothed, heard, and understood, but stifled, frustrated, and silenced. In fact, you feel worse than you did before, and silly for even bringing the problem up.

This is emotional invalidation in action: the process of ignoring, denying or minimising another person’s feelings. It happens when we turn to other people for support and understanding and instead find our feelings aren’t taken seriously. And, in a society that always encourages us to speak up about our mental health, it can be incredibly damaging.

“When someone invalidates your experiences, they dismiss, deny, or reject your thoughts and feelings, and often, this can leave you feeling undervalued, and ignored,” says Rachel Vora, psychotherapist and founder of CYP Wellbeing.

So, why do they do it?

Ever wondered why friends and family react in this way? As hurtful as having your experiences invalidated may be, it may be helpful to know that it’s not always intentional. “People can unintentionally minimise or make light of our emotions for several reasons,” Rachel points out. “It’s often people who are uncomfortable dealing with their own emotions that unintentionally invalidate the emotions of others.

“For example, people who find sitting with their emotions difficult often adopt unhealthy strategies such as distraction, denial, and avoidance.” Rachel says these people are then likely to employ the same strategies with you.

Other times, your friend really does want to make you feel better, and so their immediate reaction is to try and make your problem seem smaller. Have you ever desperately wanted to help a friend in need and scrambled to find the right thing to say, and instead of saying you understand how they’re feeling, you told them not to worry? It’s that.

No one likes to see the people they love in pain and most of us will do anything to make that pain go away. Often, that means dismissing it or trying to make it appear smaller. But, even if your loved ones have your best interests at heart, having your emotions invalidated can really sting. Speaking up isn’t always easy, and so you might feel disappointed, discouraged, and even embarrassed if your feelings aren’t taken seriously. We all have a human need to feel heard and understood, particularly if we’re going through something tough.

“Emotional invalidation can leave you feeling as though

What are our key feelings, and how can accepting them enhance our lives?

The vast spectrum of emotions can be a minefield. It can be hard to know how to express the things we’re feeling, in part because being ‘in touch’ with our own emotions doesn’t always come naturally – at least, perhaps in this day and age, when putting your feelings aside in favour of agreeableness is common practice.

The task of getting in-tune with our feelings can feel like a mammoth one, but the first step in doing so could lie in identifying our primary emotions, and going from there. The thinking varies slightly on precisely how many ‘core emotions’ we have, but one widely accepted theory from American psychologist Dr Paul Ekman presents six: sadness, happiness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust.

On his website, Dr Ekman writes: “Emotions are a process, a particular kind of automatic appraisal influenced by our evolutionary and personal past, in which we sense that something important to our welfare is occurring, and a set of psychological changes and emotional behaviors [sic] begins to deal with the situation.”

When you put it like that, it sounds quite simple. Emotions are just things that happen to us, for the ultimate purpose of survival. Even so, many of us will be familiar with the experience of being ruled by them, as much as being out of touch with them. But does it have to be that way?

Getting to the heart of it

“In my 40s, I went through a rough patch in my life, experiencing depression and panic attacks for the first time,” says Fiona McAlister, an integrative trauma-informed psychotherapist. “Out of these experiences, I learned much that lifted me from those states, and introduced new practices into my regular routine that enable me now to maintain a well-balanced emotional and physical state. Crucially, this changed mindset, my more awakened understanding, and nourishing practices have supported me to find blissful peace of mind – a peace based securely on the knowledge that I am safe, no matter what happens in my life.”

As Fiona explains, at the heart of her philosophy was the understanding of humans’ primal need for safety – when we don’t feel safe, we cannot function fully and healthily. Just like Dr Ekman explains, our emotions are there to keep us alive, to alert us to things that aren’t safe, and it’s for that reason that getting to know our core emotions, learning our individual signs, and our triggers, can set us free. For Fiona, that’s achieved with four key steps…

Feeling burnt out? Here’s how joy could make all the difference

Feeling burnt out? Here’s how joy could make all the difference

Web Admin / Thursday, February 9, 2023 0 601 Article rating: No rating

Whether you want to prevent burnout or recover from it, resilience is essential – but did you know joy could be the secret to building it?

In the summer of 2020, I burnt out. I was running a side business alongside my job here at Happiful and, compounded by pandemic stress, it all got too much. I pressed pause on my business, and used the extra time to prioritise rest and joy. I slept in, started drawing, read more fiction, and watched films that inspired me. I filled my cup and, in time, I found my way back to me.

But the me I found was different. I had a new perspective, and realised how important joy was in having a fulfilled life and, ever since, I’ve been making decisions that prioritise cultivating joy. Now, this wasn’t a truly conscious decision at the time. I was simply exhausted and needed a break. But I’ve now learnt that joy may actually be what we all need to help build resilience, and overcome burnout.

To really get to grips with this concept then, it’s best to start with the basics and ask: what exactly is burnout?

“Burnout is a state of physical and mental exhaustion brought on by excessive and prolonged periods of unmanaged stress,” explains positive psychology practitioner and joy coach Sophie Cliff.

“The World Health Organisation categorises burnout as having three distinct symptoms – depleted energy and exhaustion (always feeling tired, no matter how much you rest), feelings of negativity and cynicism (struggling to find the silver linings, or feeling like nothing you do will make a difference), and reduced performance (struggling to achieve at the same level as you might have done in the past).”

Sound familiar? While the World Health Organisation typically sees burnout as purely work-related, many of us now recognise that burnout can be caused by a range of issues, from parental burnout to autistic burnout.

A common thread through all types of burnout is the way it makes us feel: exhausted, frozen, and unsure of how to keep going. Something that can help us move forward is that oh-so-elusive resilience. Often viewed as our ability to ‘bounce back’, resilience isn’t about ignoring what’s happening and simply pushing through. It’s about giving space to your feelings, acknowledging them, and doing what you need to feel better.

“Resilience can take different forms,” Sophie says. “For some people, it will look like bouncing back to old routines quickly following adversity, while for others it might be having the ability to start over and adapt to a new normal following a period of stress.”

Interestingly, Sophie notes that joy can help us cultivate resilience in a number of ways.

“Firstly, research shows that experiencing and focusing on little moments of joy helps our bodies recover from the physiological effects of stress. Joy can also give our lives a sense of meaning and purpose, which, in turn, boosts our capacity to deal with challenges and bounce back from adversity.”

The fact that joy can give our lives a sense of meaning is something I can attest to. When I burned out, I felt lost and unanchored. And when I focused on doing things that made me happy, including starting a brand new hobby (drawing), I broadened my vision of what it means to liv

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5 ways to turn feelings of anger into empowerment

5 ways to turn feelings of anger into empowerment

Web Admin / Wednesday, February 8, 2023 0 592 Article rating: No rating

Feeling stuck? Releasing rage could be the key to clarity and empowerment

When Jenny* began counselling, she felt stuck. She used to know what she wanted from life, but now found herself feeling lost and unsure of herself. Mike* entered therapy with an anxiety that kept him up at night. During the day, he felt invisible, overworked, and teetered on the edge of burnout. Samira* had a sense of hopelessness about the world. She often talked about oppressive social systems that left her with fewer opportunities than her husband, but felt as though there was nothing she could do about her future.

All of these clients came to therapy with different symptoms, histories, and relationships. What they had in common was that concealed anger was underlying their presenting issues. They each wanted to feel more alive, empowered, and capable of living the lives they wanted. Perhaps surprisingly, the key to this is learning how to access and use anger to solve our problems and achieve empowerment.

What is anger?

Anger is a natural and appropriate emotional response to something external that is in conflict with our personal values. It arises when our boundaries have been crossed, when someone does something we disagree with, or treats us in a way we dislike. Anger is a powerful sign that our needs are not being met.

Yet, anger is perhaps the most misunderstood and frequently denied emotion. I hear many clients make statements such as “I’m not really an angry person,” suggesting a cultural misperception that feeling anger is a fixed and inescapable part of our identity, rather than a transient emotional experience.

In reality, if we acknowledge anger and express it appropriately, it will resolve, like any other emotion. It is actually when we disavow anger that it becomes detrimental to our wellbeing.

Why do we push anger away?

Expressing anger often involves confrontation with others. If we are in any doubt that the relationship can withstand such a rupture, denying our anger becomes a way to avoid relationship breakdown. In the moment, it seems far simpler and less frightening to pretend we are not angry, so we turn anger inward, hoping it will subside. However, this only internalises the conflict; creating anxiety, low mood and a sense of being stuck.

What is the difference between anger and violence?

Another reason anger is denied, particularly in men, is because it is confused with violence. However, whereas anger motivates us to problem-solve, violence is actually a passive behaviour. When people are unable to express anger in a safe, healthy, and productive way, they are more likely to discharge angry energy with violence. This may feel like a temporary release, but it fails to address the problem which created the anger in the first place. Expressing anger healthily is about active problem-solving, not violence.

How can we recognise repressed anger?

Anger is a powerful emotion that, when left unexpressed, takes up a lot of energy. Physically, it can leave us feeling drained and exhausted, but sleep does not help, because anger is not relieved by rest. Restoring our capacity requires an appropriate release of the pent-up angry energy.

Clues that ang

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