Nobody likes to be blamed for something they didn’t do. So why do some of us end up getting the short straw for other people’s faults, mistakes, or wrongdoings? Here’s everything you need to know about scapegoating, why it happens, and what you can do to stop being your family’s scapegoat

Not every family has one, but we’ve all heard of the ‘black sheep’ or ‘problem child’ trope when it comes to family dynamics. Whether it’s a sibling, distant aunt or uncle, or maybe even you, the family scapegoat is the one that ends up getting shamed, blamed, or criticised for just about everything that goes wrong – even if those things are outside of their control. But why does this happen in some families and not others? And how can we stop being blamed when things aren't our fault?

What is scapegoating?

Scapegoating is the act of blaming someone – or a group of people – for something bad that has happened, that they didn’t do. It’s usually done for one of several reasons: to protect the overall image or reputation of a family, or as the default to always favour one or more family members (commonly referred to as the ‘golden child’, who is seen as exceptional or able to do no wrong – often without a specific reason) by placing blame on one person (the ‘scapegoat’). While it usually happens to just one person in a family, it can happen to more, depending on the dynamics.  

Typically starting during childhood, scapegoating is a sign of unhealthy family dynamics. It’s important to remember that, if you think you or someone you care about is being used as a scapegoat, it isn’t their fault.

Family members may choose a scapegoat based on arbitrary factors that the individual themselves cannot influence, such as picking an oldest/youngest child, basing their preferences on gender, appearance, intelligence, skin colour, or even sexual orientation. The person or people who are unfairly targeting you may be projecting their own feelings of shame, rage, and blame onto you, instead of dealing with uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, or behaviours. By finding someone to blame, they are finding a way to avoid taking responsibility.

Am I the family scapegoat?

How can you tell if you have been made into your family’s scapegoat? As one therapist on Counselling Directory explains, there are many different signs you can look out for to judge if you may have become the ‘black sheep’ in your family.

Ask yourself:

• Do my parents treat me differently than my siblings?
• Was I expected to take on extra caretaker responsibilities from a young age? (e.g. extra chores, responsibilities, looking after siblings, or other tasks that can fall under the parentification umbrella).
• Are mistakes I make punished appropriately? Or are they a bigger deal than seems reasonable?
• Do/did my parents notice or intervene when I was bullied?<

Over half (58%) of healthcare professionals have difficulty sourcing reliable health information to share with patients according to a 2022 survey conducted by the Patient Information Forum (PIF)

Even healthcare professionals struggle to source reliable health information, according to a new PIF survey. In response, the Patient Information Forum has launched a new toolkit to help healthcare professionals overcome these struggles and give trusted information to their patients.

What is the PIF TICK toolkit?

The new PIF TICK toolkit has been produced to help professionals overcome the difficulties of misinformation. Endorsed by GPs, the toolkit includes:

• Patient resources on spotting false health information, BMI, and clinical evidence, including easy-to-use factsheets.
• More than 85 independently assessed trusted information creators, sorted by therapy area.

The toolkit will help healthcare professionals confidently signpost trustworthy information. Every organisation within the directory has undergone a tough, independent assessment of their healthcare information production process.

What is the PIF TICK and why is it important?

PIF is a non-profit UK membership organisation working to improve the quality of health information; representing members across NHS, charitable and private sectors.

The PIF TICK accreditation is an excellent way for people to know that health information is dependable and accurate. It is the UK’s only independently-assessed quality mark for print and online health information.

Dr Michael Hughes, consultant rheumatologist, said, “All patients need access to reliable, high-quality, and readable information from their initial diagnosis and throughout the course of their disease. The PIF TICK is a trusted reassurance that clinicians are signposting patients to high-quality and assured information.”

With so much online information available, knowing where to go and who to trust can be tricky. The spread of misinformation can easily escalate with the mix of opinions on social media so it is really important to get health information from reliable sources. While our healthcare system is so stretched, accessing up-to-date and accurate information can better health outcomes and entrust people to make informed decisions about their wellbeing.

Dr Juhi Tandon, GP and co-founder of Cognitant Group, said, “As doctors, we want to encourage our patients to play a more participatory role in their health and empower them with the tools needed to better self-manage their care. This starts with trusted health information.

“In our short consultation time, we struggle to adequately explain health, disease and treatment, so the ability to use the PIF TICK to signpost patients to reliable, accurate and up-to-date, evidence-based health information from trusted sources, is incredibly valuable. It can really augment shared decision-making and informed choice.”

The Counselling Directory and PIF TICK

At Happiful, we’ve put the process to practice, with our website Read more

With nearly a quarter of us having to wait to start treatment for our mental health, we share eight ways you can look after yourself while waiting to access support

The Royal College of Psychiatrists revealed that two in five (43%) adults with a mental illness feel that long waits for treatment have led to their mental health getting worse. With almost one in four (23%) of us waiting more than 12 weeks to start treatment - and many areas having limited types of support and numbers of sessions available - it’s no wonder so many of us feel like we’re not only struggling with our mental health, but aren’t getting the help that we need when we need it.

Non-urgent referrals for consultant-led treatments in England are legally entitled to be seen within 18 weeks, from the day the service or hospital receives your referral letter or the day your appointment is booked through the NHS e-Referral Service. But that can feel like a long time when you are struggling and feel like you need help now.

Taking that step and seeking a referral is huge. But it’s not always the instant fix we hope for - especially when faced with delays in receiving support. It’s natural to feel disappointed, overwhelmed, or unsure of what you can do while waiting to access help and support. So, what can you do to look after yourself until support becomes available?

Reach out to friends and family

Asking for help from those we love when we’re struggling can feel impossible. When you’re struggling with your mental health, you may worry about opening up to friends or family, as you may fear you are being an inconvenience, adding extra stress to their lives, or may be seen as ‘over-reacting’.

You may worry about being judged or rejected, yet reaching out can help you to feel a deeper sense of connection with others, gain valuable outside perspective, and help to feel unstuck.

Try these tips on how to ask friends and family for help when you’re struggling.

Have a conversation with your boss

Talking about mental health in the workplace has become much more commonplace in recent years. Yet many of us may hesitate to let our employers know when we are struggling. It’s important to remember that your employer is legally obligated to make reasonable adjustments to help accommodate you – but in order to do so, they need to k

Can age-gap relationships really work? We answer your frequently asked questions about age gap relationships and explain more about what the research has to say

If there’s one thing that is bound to make headlines, it’s celebrity relationships with a big age gap. From the trending chart of Leonardo DiCaprio’s dating history (which revealed the then 47-year-old had never dated anyone over the age of 25), to top 10 lists of celeb couples successfully (and not so successfully) navigating big age gaps, we’re fascinated with the idea that there may be a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ number of years between our perfect partner and us.

But why is it that relationships with age gaps cause so much controversy? And what does the research actually have to say? We explore some of the most commonly asked questions about dating someone who is significantly older or younger than you.

What are age gap relationships?

An ‘age gap relationship’ typically refers to a couple who are seriously or casually dating, with an age difference of at least 10 years, though some people use the term to refer to shorter gaps. The exact number of years for a relationship to ‘count’ as having an age gap can also vary based on what is considered culturally normal, with other factors – such as a person’s gender or age – affecting how ‘acceptable’ others may see that gap as. For example, someone may be more likely to show concern over a younger woman dating an older man due to fears of grooming, despite the fact that young people of any gender identity and sexual preference can be at risk of grooming.

Anyone can be in an age-gap relationship – a celebrity, a friend, a family member, or a colleague. Age gap relationships can also happen at any point in your life, though someone in their 20s dating someone in their 30s may be more likely to experience comments or pushback from others than a couple in their 50s and 60s.

Why are age-gap relationships frowned upon?

Many people in age-gap relationships report facing stigma, despite nearly four in 10 (39%) of us have dated someone 10 years older or younger than us. According to research, men are more likely to have dated someone 10 or more years younger than them (25% vs 14% of women), while women are more likely to have dated someone 10+ years older (28% vs 21% of men). Over half (57%) of us would be open to dating someone a decade or more older than us, while just under half of us (49%) would consider seeing someone 10 years younger.

Despite around half of us being open to age-gap dating, research has shown an imbalance in how socially acceptable we see it to be for men and women to date someone significantly younger than them. 55% of people believe it’s

We’ve all heard of the benefits of therapy. But do you need to wait for a big, specific problem to start working with a therapist? We answer your most asked questions about therapy, why people work with a counsellor, and what you should know before starting therapy

Therapy. Our perception of what therapy is – and who it’s for – has changed drastically over the years. According to the Mental Health Foundation, around one in eight adults (12.1%) in the UK receives some kind of mental health treatment – just 3% of which is some form of psychological therapy. In the US, one in five adults (21.6%) are seeking out treatment for mental health issues. Yet many of us don’t realise that talking therapy isn’t just for when you are experiencing ill mental health.

Talk therapies can be helpful for anyone who is experiencing a tough time or who has emotional problems. Therapy can help you to reach specific goals in your life, reflect on your past, and to better understand who you are, what you want, and where you want to go. But you don’t need to have a specific problem, diagnosis, or even be struggling in order to see real benefits from working with a counsellor, therapist, psychotherapist, or psychologist.

Here, we answer some of your top questions on therapy and how working with a therapist can help you (even when you don’t have a specific problem).

Do you need problems to go to therapy?

You don’t have to have a specific problem, issue, or diagnosable mental health problem to go to (or benefit from) therapy. While many of us will wait until a major life crisis hits or we feel like we are struggling before we seek help, it is never too early to speak with someone.

You can work with a mental health professional like a counsellor or therapist to talk in general. Many people find that this can help them to sort out their feelings, release pent-up emotions, or even to discover underlying issues that they didn’t know were weighing in on their minds or actions. Speaking with a therapist can feel freeing, as you can talk about issues, events, experiences, or thoughts you haven’t felt able to share with anyone before.

Can happy people go to therapy?

It’s important to note that not only unhappy people seek therapy. Many people who would classify themselves as ha