What is intimacy, is it really that important, and how can we fix intimacy issues in our relationships? We answer your top questions about all things intimacy-related (and share how you can find help)

Intimacy generally refers to the closeness between people in a personal relationship. Typically building over time as you feel a deeper sense of connection, grow to care more about each other, and feel more comfortable together, you can be physically and/or emotionally close to someone.

For many people, the more you work on deepening your sense of intimacy within a relationship, the stronger your relationship feels. But what if you struggle to feel those connections? What if your partner avoids intimacy, or it feels like you are growing apart? And can you strengthen intimacy after your connections have begun to fade?

We explain more about your most commonly asked intimacy questions, and share how (and where) you can find help.

Are there different types of intimacy?

There are many different types of intimacy. Fostering a sense of intimacy requires a mixture of openness, trust, and vulnerability. Physical intimacy alone doesn’t guarantee a deeper sense of closeness and connection.

While not all relationships will involve all kinds of intimacy, many romantic relationships, marriages, or long-term partnerships involve a mixture of several different kinds. These can include:

• Emotional intimacy - being open with your feelings, thoughts, and fears (often leading to feeling safe and able to be open without judgement).
• Intellectual/mental intimacy - sharing ideas, life perspectives, and opinions whilst being open to learning, challenging each other, and respecting differing viewpoints to create a sense of mutual respect.
• Physical intimacy - holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing, and other physical touches including (but not limited to) those of a sexual nature.
• Spiritual intimacy - feeling safe to share your innermost ideas and beliefs on the purpose of life, your connection with the world and/or divine energies. (You may have differing beliefs, but feel validated in sharing and discussing these, and may share underlying values such as being honest or faithful).

Other types of intimacy can also include experiential, creative, aesthetic, recreational, commitment, communication, and more. There are many different ways to build a sense of intimacy, bringing you closer to each other and strengthening the bonds that create and hold your relationship together.

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If you're looking for help but can't afford private support, you still have options. Here we look at some alternative routes you can take

At the time of writing, we’re existing in a very strained time. More people are struggling financially as the cost of living crisis escalates. This in itself is taking a toll on mental health for many.

Even without this crisis in the picture, it’s important to recognise that paying for private therapy is inaccessible for some.

This doesn’t mean you don’t have options though. Here we want to talk through the different routes you can take to look after your mental health without spending more than you can afford.

Look into counselling on the NHS

This is the first route a lot of us go down. If you’re registered with a GP, you can access therapy for free through the Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) programme. The types of therapies you can access in this way will depend on your individual needs, but include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), guided self-help (where a therapist supports you as you complete a self-help course, using a workbook or online) and counselling for depression (a specific type of counselling for those with depression).

There are several different ways your therapy may be delivered, from one-to-one and group sessions, to over-the-phone therapy and self-help courses. Going to your GP in the first instance can be helpful as they often suggest a therapy type and refer you. You don’t however need a referral from your doctor to access these therapies.

You can easily self-refer directly to a therapy provider in your area. Depending on where you live, you will need to be over the age of 16, 17 or 18 to do this. If you’re younger than this, you can get support from your local child and adolescent mental health service (CAMHS).

If you do self-refer, you’ll need to contact the therapy provider and they’ll come back to you within a few weeks to give you an assessment (usually done over the phone). This is where they’ll ask you for some more details of what you’ve been experiencing so they can understand how best to support you. They will then let you know when your first appointment will be.

What can be a barrier for some people on this route is the waiting time. The amount of time you’ll have to wait to get treatment will depend on a number of factors, including where you live. If the wait is long and you need help sooner, you may want to look into the other options below.

Consider low-cost therapy

There are some private practices and organisations that offer low-cost therapy. This may be a blanket fee for everyone, or they may offer concessions for those on benefits or low-income households. Never be afraid to ask about these when researching private therapists, while some will advertise them, others will work on a case by case basis.

You may also want to think about reaching out to therapy-training providers to see if trainee counsellors offer reduced rates. Trainee counsellors will need to complete at least 200 hours of therapy work before graduating, s

We explore an untapped resource in building confidence and self-love

Self-acceptance, confidence and self-worth are all subjects I’m passionate about. Why? Because I believe the lack of these can have devastating impacts on our mental health.

In building our sense of worth, we recognise our value and treat ourselves more kindly. This paves the way for better self-esteem and confidence as we realise our voice deserves to be heard and that we’re more capable than we think. It helps us build resilience and feel more able to handle life’s ups and downs. It encourages us to set healthy boundaries, honouring our own needs without guilt.

I’m not saying confidence is the sole key to mental wellness, but it plays a pretty important role. So, dedicating time to work on our confidence could have some far-reaching results.

There are many ways you can look at improving your confidence, from changing the clothes we wear to neuroscience-backed tips, but today I want to take a closer look at a potentially untapped resource – hypnotherapy.

How can hypnotherapy improve confidence?

Hypnotherapy for confidence is a type of therapy that works on the subconscious. This means it looks to make changes that we may struggle to do ourselves through willpower alone, like changing thought patterns and behaviours.

When it comes to a lack of confidence, this can often stem from negative thought patterns. Perhaps you’ve been offered an opportunity at work, but you immediately think you aren’t the right person for the job. Maybe you want to strike up a conversation with someone new, but your thoughts tell you that no one wants to talk to you. We often refer to this as our ‘inner critic’ and for some of us, it can be tough to recognise and change this voice because it’s so automatic.

The aim of hypnotherapy is to change these automatic negative thoughts. In her article, Three strategies to let go of self-doubt, cognitive behavioural hypnotherapist Morag Stevenson shares more on how cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy can do this.

“With cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy, you learn to experience a hypnotic mindset of deep relaxation, clear focus and concentrated attention.

“Together with your hypnotherapist, you can use this mindset to freely explore your current unhelpful thoughts and their root beliefs. Once uncovered, you can consciously decide to swap these out for more self-loving ones that power and revitalise you. You discover how to take back control.”

Hypnotherapy isn’t a magic wand that will instantly eliminate self-doubt, but because it works deeper than many of us can go consciously, it can turbo-charge your efforts, making everything feel that little bit easier.

Can hypnotherapy help my imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is when we have fraudulent feelings, usually at work, where we don’t believe we deserve to be where we are (and are sure we’ll be found out one day). This phenomenon has many roots, but it often has ties to low confidence.

“Put simply, imposter syndrome is a n

Something not right, but unsure where to turn? Here we look at how self-help and professional help can support, and which may be right for you

Self-help is a booming business, with books, apps and even self-led courses all available to help you help yourself. These tools can go a long way in supporting your mental health and wellbeing, but how do you know when self-help is enough and when it may be time to see a professional?

I sat down with CBT therapist and mindfulness teacher Natalie Englander to learn more about self-help and professional help, and how to know which route to go down.

Understanding the differences between self-help and professional help

To start with, it can be helpful to get to grips with the key differences between self-help and professional help, so you can understand what you can get out of them.

With self-help, you will likely be working alone, usually through something like a book or a course. “So, you are relying on yourself to read the book, to understand it, and to try and then put it into practice,” explains Natalie.

As self-help is usually created for groups of people, Natalie highlights that they tend to be generic and, therefore, wouldn’t be tailored to you as an individual. “Sometimes people can actually find this really reassuring, picking up a self-help book, reading it and thinking ‘this sounds exactly like me’.”

In contrast, professional support (like seeing a therapist) is tailored to your needs. It will often involve a consultation so the professional can get to know you and understand what support would be right for you. You also have someone to help you through the process, perhaps providing some accountability on the way, Natalie notes.

“Professional help also allows you to share your thoughts and feelings with someone, which you might not necessarily be able to do reading a self-help book and that in itself can be so therapeutic, being heard.

“If your emotions become heightened during the process, you also have someone there to talk to, which you don’t have while reading a book.”

Natalie was also quick to point out that a book is cheaper than private therapy – which is certainly a key difference and a consideration many are factoring in right now. So a lot to consider and no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ approach; it’s all about considering where you’re at and what you think you would benefit from now.

Which is right for me – self-help or professional help?

We’re all different and taking these personal tendencies into account can help when thinking about this. Natalie mentions that if you are someone who can motivate yourself, self-help could suit you as you won’t have that external person providing accountability.

Another consideration is the severity of what you’re going through and how much it’s impacting your day-to-day life.

When we are in pain, our first port of call is usually to reach for over-the-counter pain relief. Some pain requires medicine to effectively manage it, but there are other holistic ways to relieve pain for those that want to try a more natural approach

A holistic approach to pain management is one that considers our emotional, mental and spiritual wellness, as well as our physical. Sometimes, holistic methods can be enough to relieve pain on their own, but they can also be used alongside traditional medicine.  

1. Acupuncture: Headaches and migraines

Headaches are common for a lot of us, but frequent headaches are usually associated with stress and anxiety. Acupuncture can be an effective way to relieve the symptoms of stress and anxiety, and therefore the pain you experience in your head. But, it’s important to pay attention to where exactly your pain is, as different types of headaches can determine where your acupuncturist will target. For example, if a headache gets better when you lie down, this might indicate a deficiency headache, so the acupuncturist would look to improve the flow of Qi and blood around your body.

2. Massage: Neck, back, and shoulder pain

Massages are typically thought of as being for relaxation purposes, but they can also be effective at targeting pain and sports injuries. For chronic aches and pains in your back, neck, and shoulders, a deep tissue massage is an intensive treatment designed to relieve tension in your muscles. It’s most commonly used in sports and for other medical reasons by physiotherapists and chiropractors.

3. Physiotherapy: Sports injuries

Exercise is a great way to keep active and healthy, but we can be prone to injuries, particularly if out on the football pitch or going for a run. This might be a result of insufficient warm-ups or cool-downs, or simply having an accident.

Physiotherapy is often confused with sports therapy - the difference being that sports therapists work to prevent and treat injuries using a variety of techniques, including physio. Normally, patients will be referred to have physio through a GP. Physiotherapy can help relieve both acute (short-term) and chronic (long-term) pain. It’s designed to rehabilitate and re-educate the patient on the movement of the body.

4. Osteopathy: Joint pain

Osteopathy is the process of diagnosing, treating, and managing musculoskeletal conditions (skeleton, muscles, ligaments, and tissue).

Osteopaths use manipulation techniques around the spine and joints to try to harmonise the synchronisation of the connective elements of the body. There are a variety of techniques that can be used depending on the area causing pain and will differ from patient to patient. Some methods include: soft tissue massage, cranial osteopathy and myofascial release.

5. Wim Hof Method: Undiagnosed or chronic pain

This method, made famous