“As soon as you make the call to Samaritans, you are wholly supported”

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To raise awareness of Samaritans and the support they offer to everyone, listening volunteer and previous caller Kay shares her story of picking up the phone and the difference it made to her life

“As soon as you make the call to Samaritans, you are wholly supported”

“I can say without irony or agenda, that person I spoke to saved my life,” Kay asserts on Happiful’s podcast I am. I have. Kay is now a listening volunteer for Samaritans and dedicated to helping people when they need it. She knows from first-hand experience the perspective changing power of a conversation when you are at your lowest ebb.

Kay’s own call to Samaritans changed what was an overwhelming and frightening situation for her into a series of interactions that helped her recover from a potentially life-changing illness and subsequent low mood and fearful feelings.

It all began with a health emergency that took place on her daily commute into London. Kay collapsed on board her train after unknowingly developing sepsis from a tick bite on a dog walk, and had to be rushed into hospital as a result. This experience was understandably very traumatising for her.

“When I woke up in the hospital I was physically on the mend,” Kay explains. “Mentally, I was challenged.”

Kay shared her feelings with her GP who offered antidepressants but it wasn’t a route she wanted to take at that time. However, Kay was looking at an eighteen month waiting list for counselling with the NHS and six weeks through her work’s medical insurance. Even the shorter period of time, Kay shares, felt far too long for her to cope with.

Kay found herself waiting on a train platform during this period and this is when she noticed the sign for Samaritans. “As luck would have it that day the train was delayed. I called and got through within three minutes,” Kay says. “Suddenly I had someone actively listening to me. That call was the conversation that triggered me to think that there is support available.”

I knew I was supported and could always call Samaritans at any time all year around

The Samaritan’s listening volunteer explained to Kay that she could contact them whenever and however she needed to, as her train arrived. “I emailed them and phoned again,” Kay says. “Then, I ran speaking to Samaritans and the wholesome support alongside the therapy I started to have. When I felt strong enough to finish my course of talking therapy, I knew I was supported and could always call Samaritans, at any time, all year around.”

What is parentification, who does it affect, and is it always bad?

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Our relationships with our parents can be complex. Yet, many of us know we can count on them to provide emotional support, advice and guidance. But what happens when our roles become reversed?

What is parentification, who does it affect, and is it always bad?

Even at the best of times, our relationships with our parents can be complex. Yet, we all know there are certain responsibilities we can rely on them for whilst growing up (and often beyond): to provide unconditional love and support, to protect us, give us a home, support us while we’re getting an education, seek medical care on our behalf, and help teach us right from wrong.

But what happens when the roles become reversed? And what kind of long-term effects can that have on who we become as people?


What is parentification?

While growing up, did you ever feel like you had to help take care of your parents or siblings? Perhaps you were expected to help look after a middle brother or sister, while your parents looked after the youngest? Maybe you were expected to help learn how to change nappies, give baths, or make tea for your siblings when your parents were busy. Or perhaps you had to take on helping more due to a parent’s long-term or chronic illness.

These can all be signs of parentification. Parentification is when you take on excessive levels of responsibilities that can impact your development. This could mean taking on tasks around the house that are too much or shouldn't be expected of you at that age, or taking on emotional caring responsibilities, which can lead to you hiding or suppressing your own needs, wants, and desires.

As explained by one Counselling Directory member, “Parentification occurs when a child is put in a position where they have to grow up ‘too early too soon’. For highly empathic children, because they have the warmth, compassion, and depth that is beyond the normal, their family members come to – usually unintentionally and unconsciously – lean on them.”

While having a little responsibility can be beneficial and is considered a good thing, too much too young, or inappropriate types of responsibility, can have a detrimental effect.

The parent-child relationship

Emotionally, it is reasonable to expect unconditional love and support from our parents. Physically, it’s normal to expect food, shelter, and some form of structure. Together, all of these things can create an environment where we can safely learn, grow, and mature. But, sometimes, that relationship can become reversed. Instead of giving these things, a parent expects to receive them.

What is parentification, who does it affect, and is it always bad?

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What is passive suicidal ideation?

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What is it, why does it happen, and what signs should I be looking out for? We share everything you need to know about passive suicidal ideation

What is passive suicidal ideation?

Passive suicidal ideation is something that many of us experience, but few of us seriously talk about. Perhaps you have thought “I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up”, or “I wish I could die so I don’t have to deal with this.” These are examples of passive suicidal ideation and, while they are not active plans, and often focus on ways in which someone may die rather than actively cause their own death (you may focus on thoughts of death through an accident or natural causes, rather than suicide), these thoughts can be not only worrying but can lead to engaging in riskier behaviour without even realising it.

We explain more about the different types of suicidal ideation, warning signs to look out for, and how to find help.


What’s the difference between passive and active suicidal ideation?

Having suicidal thoughts is a spectrum. For some people, these thoughts may be active: they think about suicide and may have developed a plan for what they will do. They want to die. For others, it may be passive: they wish they were dead or could die, but do not have any plans.

Suicidal ideation can be a symptom of other mental health issues. It can be a symptom of severe depression or manic depression for those with a bipolar disorder diagnosis.

Neither kind of suicidal ideation should be dismissed. You are still at risk of harm if you have passively suicidal thoughts. Intent and motivation can change quickly, meaning you may not feel at risk now, but that could change before you realise it or have time to seek help. Studies have suggested that if you experience high levels of depression and suicidality, thoughts of passive and active ideation have the potential to become more severe and dangerous.

How many people experience passive suicidal ideation?

Passive suicidal thoughts are more common than many of us realise. Worldwide, around 9% of us will experience suicidal ideation at some point in our lives. Within the last 12 months, that sits at around 2%. One US study revealed around 4% of adults aged 18 and over have thought about suicide, with those aged 18 to 25 the most likely to have had such thoughts.

As of 2020, around 10 in every 100,000 deaths were contributed to suicide in England. For men, that rate was much higher (15.3 per 100,000) compared to women (4.9 per 100,000). Men aged 45-49 have the highest suicide rate (23.8 per 100,000). Worldwide, the World Health Organisation estimated one in every 100 deaths i

4 compassionate steps to take on the really bad days when your mental health is at its lowest

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For those times, when even the simple things feel impossible, try this

4 compassionate steps to take on the really bad days when your mental health is at its lowest

Good and bad mental health days are something many of us will cycle through at some point in our lives, and, usually, we have strategies in place to keep on going about our daily routines. But, when things get really bad, those usual strategies can feel out of reach, and the thought of doing anything can feel overwhelming.

When that happens, show yourself compassion, and try these four, basic steps for taking care of yourself.

1. Take time off work

In the UK, there is no legal difference between taking a sick day for a mental health problem, and taking a day off for a physical problem – and the process of arranging a mental health day is just the same; you simply need to follow your workplace’s usual sick day policy.

Legally, you don’t have to tell your workplace why you’re off sick, and a doctor’s note will usually not include any sensitive information. However, if you are comfortable speaking to your manager or HR about what you’re going through, it may help them understand how they can better support you on your return to work.

2. Basic hygiene

Letting personal hygiene fall by the wayside is a very common side-effect of mental illnesses like depression, PTSD, and sensory processing disorders. Even among those without a specific condition, habits and routines that might normally be second nature can slip down the priority list.

Of course, feeling better is never as simple as just taking a shower and washing it all away – but taking care of yourself on the outside can make a difference to how you’re feeling on the inside. Think about all the things you would usually do when you’re feeling better (i.e. taking a shower, putting on deodorant, washing your face, brushing your teeth). If that feels overwhelming, or if the thought of having to do all of it puts you off altogether, try to just do one thing, and see how you go from there.

3. Stay hydrated

When we’re dehydrated, our bodies start to shut down – and when you consider how mental health problems are caused by brain activity, and dehydration causes our brain functions to slow down, it’s easy to see how the two are linked.

The best way to get into habits is to remove all barriers to achieving them, so try to make sure that you have a bottle of water near you that you can take sips from throughout the day. Alternatively, suck on ice cubes, have some fruit juice or herbal or green tea, or set regular reminders on your phone to pour yourself a glass of water if you’re prone to forgetting.

4. Get some fresh air

Fresh air and exercise’ is a common recommendation for good physical health, and mental health is just the same. Numerous studies have linked spending time in nature to an improvement in wellbeing, and breathing in oxygen-rich air is invariably going to support our brain function.

Of course, on the really bad days, when energy is a finite resource, setting off on a 5K hike probably isn’t realistic. But if you can get outside, give it a go. If not, airing out your home by opening some windo

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