Finding support for self-harm

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The act of self-harm is a sign we need support, but how can we recognise this and ask for help?

Finding support for self-harm

Despite how far we’ve come in many aspects of mental health acceptance and understanding, self-harm still feels like one of those topics seeped in stigma and misunderstanding. While I’m open about a lot of my mental health concerns, discussing my history of self-harm always feels sticky.

There are many myths around self-harm, from what it entails to the notion that it’s done purely for attention. Debunking these myths can be a first step in understanding.

The more we understand how self-harm can come about, the more able we are to speak up about it. Perhaps you’re struggling with this yourself and are unsure where to turn, or maybe you’re worried about a loved one or child. Either way, keeping these topics in the dark only helps them thrive. Bringing them out into the light is the first step to moving forward.

Finding support for yourself

Talking to someone you trust about what’s going on is a helpful way to start the process of getting the help you need, however, it can often feel difficult. What if the person doesn’t understand? What if they don’t believe you? Doubts and worries may be swirling around in your mind, but there are some steps you can take to put these at ease.

Firstly, you may want to help them understand what self-harm truly is and how it can affect people by sending them some information. Counselling Directory has information about self-harm, you can also take a look at guides from Mind and Harmless. When it comes to telling them how it’s affecting you, you may feel more comfortable writing a letter or email telling them how you feel, or you may prefer to do it in person – do what feels right to you.

If you don’t want to tell someone you know, you may prefer to go straight to your doctor. Your doctor will be able to discuss with you how you’re feeling and offer different routes of support. This may include counselling, self-help techniques and/or support groups.

Talking to a professional like a counsellor or therapist can give you the space to explore why you might be self-harming and how you can reduce harmful behaviours. Discussing the process in her article Unwrapping self-harm, counsellor Fiona Austin shares that starting sessions off by establishing that you are OK with what’s happening in terms of counselling is key.

“With your confidence in the process secure, we then move on to examine why you self-harm, gently. Obviously, this is not necessarily easy, as one of the beginning challenges is not just untangling but putting emotions into words, especially as self-harm is often a feeling of overwhelm, wordlessness.”

Fiona goes on to highlight that once you’re able to establish your why, you’re halfway there as you’ve been able to externalise what’s happening.

“It's like suddenly there's a handle on the door. But a door you can open as far as you feel comfortable enough to.”

In the video below, integrati

Cost of living: the impact on our carers' mental health

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With almost one in two carers stating that the cost of living is having a negative effect on their mental health, we take a closer look and highlight the support that’s available

Cost of living: the impact on our carers' mental health

New findings from Surewise.com reveal that nearly one in two carers agree that the current economic crisis is negatively impacting their mental health, with 70% not confident that they’ll make it financially over the next year.

The survey of 2,709 UK adults aged 18 and over highlighted a common theme around money worries and financial insecurity. To save money, many carers are restricting daily essentials, such as food and heating, as well as cutting back on hobbies and leisure activities - all of which are taking a toll on their mental health. What’s more, mental health support for carers is lacking, with 73% feeling that their career itself is contributing to poor mental wellbeing at times.

Director of Surewise, Stuart Bensusan, notes that the lack of mental health provisions for carers has been brought to light “again and again,” but the cost of living means they are suffering “more than ever”.

“Despite the hard work and sacrifices that carers, both paid and unpaid, make every single day, it’s also clear that there is a fundamental failure to provide financial support for those working in this sector”, Stuart says.

Where can I find support as a carer?

It’s clear that more support is needed for our nation’s carers, both financially and emotionally. With 47% of carers believing that increasing their career benefits is the top priority, what other help is available?

  • Carers allowance - financially, you may be entitled to a carer's allowance. This is additional income from the Government for those who care for someone at least 35 hours per week. Alongside this, you may be eligible for additional support including council tax reduction, pension credit, and grants and bursaries.
  • Unpaid carers - if you are an unpaid carer, you can find support at the Carers Trust.
  • Carer's breaks and respite care - looking to take a wellbeing break? You can find more information about carer’s breaks and respite care on the NHS website, including getting assessed and the types of breaks available.
  • Young carers - find out about the support available for young carers, including getting help at school, making friends, and having a helping hand.
  • Counselling - if you’re able to afford it, counselling provides a safe space to focus on yourself, your needs, and to discuss your thoughts and feelings. You can find more information on counselling for carers on Counselling Directory or use the search bar below to find a qualified therapist near you or online.

Further help

How can managers support their team’s mental health?

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New data from Mental Health First Aid England reveals that managers are ‘out of their depth’ when it comes to their team’s mental health. We share some useful tips and resources that can help

How can managers support their team’s mental health?

Mental Health First Aid England (MHFA England) has revealed that three-quarters of managers are worried about the impact that the rising cost of living is having on their team’s mental wellbeing. Whilst the majority of managers recognise the importance of supporting mental health, one in three feel ‘out of their depth’ when it comes to knowing how. This rises to almost half of managers under the age of 25.

Simon Blake OBE, chief executive of Mental Health First Aid England says, “With the threat of recession and the worst cost of living crisis in a generation, a focus on people’s mental health and wellbeing is more important than ever if businesses are to support their people, boost productivity and maintain their bottom line.”

To act on this data, sourced from 2000 working people in management positions, MHFA England is calling for organisations to back their latest “My Whole Self Day” campaign. This is aimed at driving more support for mental health in the workplace - encouraging a culture of collaboration where managers feel confident to talk about mental health and encourage teams to bring their ‘whole selves’ to work.

MHFA England notes that providing managers with the appropriate training and resources will give people - and businesses - the ingredients to thrive. “Brilliant managers who understand mental health are worth their weight in gold”, Simon comments.“Research shows that managers have as much impact on a person’s mental health as their partner. With the stakes this high, employers cannot afford not to give the support and training they need to carry out their role effectively.”


The role of managers in creating inclusive and supportive workplaces

Managers are vital in creating a culture of inclusivity and ensuring every employee feels supported at work. Simon recognises that “the relationship between managers and their team is key for the health and wellbeing of the whole organisation.

“We know teams that feel safe and connected work better together. Our people and teams are at their most effective and creative when everybody feels psychologically safe and is seen, heard, and valued. Good business performance relies on effective management, which includes having compassionate conversations about mental health”, he adds.

“Where people are driven, connected and supported to do and be their best, they fly.”

Tips for managers to support mental health in the workplace

For those who may not know where to begin when it comes to supporting their teams’ mental health, we asked Simon for some tips for driving these conversations. Remember, this doesn’t just have to fall to managers - anyone can spark a conversation around mental health, whether you’re working from home or in the office.

Checking in one-to-one

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5 impactful tips to help you reclaim power over your emotional triggers

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When your emotions and senses are heightened, try these tips

5 impactful tips to help you reclaim power over your emotional triggers

‘Being triggered’ usually refers to encountering something – a place, action, sound, smell, picture, or anything else – causing someone to recall a traumatic experience from their past. When someone is triggered, they may have a very intense emotional reaction. They might panic, feel overwhelmed, cry, withdraw, become angry, tense, or distressed.

If this sounds familiar, it’s worth considering reaching out to a mental health professional – if you haven’t already – so that they can work with you one-on-one to explore your individual experiences and circumstances. But here, we’ve teamed up with integrative counsellor and psychotherapist Belinda Sidhu, to share some initial advice for coping with being triggered.

Come back to the present moment

“Often, when we feel triggered or experience an intense emotional reaction, we may no longer feel we are ‘here’, and the fight/flight/freeze response can kick in,” Belinda says. “Reminding ourselves that we are safe, and finding a helpful way to ground ourselves can help us come back to the here and now.”

Belinda notes one way of doing this, which is by using our senses to name: five things we can see; four things we can touch; three things we can hear; two things we can smell; and one thing we can taste, or are grateful for. You may also want to try repeating affirmations to yourself, such as ‘I am safe,’ ‘I am present,’ ‘I am in control.’

Focus on your breathing

Sometimes, when we’re feeling out of control, one of the best things we can do is to turn our focus back to the things that we can control – and zoning in on your breathing does just that, as well as setting off some powerful psychophysiological mechanisms.

Breathing techniques can be a helpful way to regulate our nervous system,” Belinda explains. “They can activate our parasympathetic nervous system that promotes the ‘rest and digest’ response (the opposite to the fight/flight/freeze).

“There are many different breathing exercises out there. Box, or square, breathing is a simple yet powerful technique that you can do just about anywhere, and which takes seconds to practise.”

Belinda points to an article published in Frontiers in Psychology, which showed how ‘box breathing’ was able to lower the levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as reduce anxiety and stress, and increase attention levels.

Ready to give it a go? Inhale to a count of four, hold for four, exhale to a count of four, hold for four, and repeat for several rounds.

Remember that a trigger is information

“By asking curious questions, we can start to understand our triggers, and through this process, they can become easier to spot and deal with,” Belinda explains. “You may find it helpful to do this through journaling, or through speaking with a therapist.

“Some questions which may be helpful to ask are: What is this trigger telling me? When did I first feel this way? What does this remind me of? What thoughts came with these feelings?”

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Should I try a digital detox?

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Nearly one in three of us take a break from our devices each day, while a quarter of us ensure we have a social media detox on a weekly basis. But how effective are social media detoxes, and do we really need them?

Should I try a digital detox?

When was the last time you disconnected? We’re spending more and more of our time online, whether that’s browsing social media to catch up with friends, following our favourite influencers, or catching up on the latest shows being streamed. Many of us get our entertainment, news, and updates from those we love, all through a device. It’s no wonder that one 2021 survey revealed almost a third of us (31%) feel like we are ‘almost constantly’ online – and a whopping two-thirds of us (64%) feel that social media is having a mostly negative effect.  

Could taking a break from social media and having a digital detox be the answer we’ve been looking for? Or are there any pitfalls to switching off and disconnecting from our digital lives?

What is a digital detox?

From digital detox retreats to phone-silencing pouches, some of us are even switching off our smartwatches and fitness trackers to go back to analogue solutions to help us decrease our time spent online.

A ‘digital detox’ refers to taking a break from your devices for a set period of time. This could mean not using your smartphone, computer, laptop, tablet, or other smart devices to access social media. Taking a digital detox doesn’t just mean turning off TikTok or switching off Snapchat; it also can include decreasing how often you check your emails, play video games, send texts or other messages, and even catch up on the news using your devices.

As of January 2023, globally, we spend an average of 2 hours and 31 minutes using social media each day - around five times the recommended 30 minutes per day maximum that some researchers suggest could lead to significant improvements in our wellbeing.

What are the benefits of having a digital detox?

The benefits of taking a break from tech can vary from person to person depending on how much time you’re already spending on there, how you’re interacting with it, and how it makes you feel. Overall, decreasing your social media use can help you not only get more time back in your day but can help to decrease your likelihood of other negative experiences including:

  • encountering cyberbullying
  • experiencing fear of missing out (FOMO)
  • feelings of isolation, anger, or upset
  • comparing yourself to others

A growing body of research suggests that internet addiction may be a real worry - including

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