Who am I, how can I understand myself better and live more authentically?

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Why is our sense of identity important, does authenticity matter, and how can we better understand ourselves and make positive changes for the better?

Who am I, how can I understand myself better and live more authentically?

When you stop to think about who you really are and how others see you, what comes to mind? Our personalities are made up of a unique combination of characteristics and qualities that form how we see ourselves (and how others see us, too).

There are lots of different ‘personality type’ frameworks and tests out there, some more famous than others. Many people like to use them as a way to try and understand themselves or to help guide their career choices. While some people think that they give us insight into ourselves and others (how our minds work, how we’ll react to others, how we may approach different situations, even what we value), there isn’t actually any scientific evidence that tests like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) test offer deeper insight or meaning.

Despite the lack of evidence, we’re fascinated with personality types, tests, and quick ways to get to know ourselves better. Why is that? And how can we really benefit from gaining a deeper understanding of who we are?


Why is our sense of identity important?

Our sense of identity is comprised of our sense of self - our unique characteristics, afflictions, and social roles. Your personality, likes, dislikes, abilities, beliefs, values, and motivations all help build up and contribute to your self of who you are as a person.

We develop a sense of identity when we are young, and this can continue to develop over time as we grow, change, and encounter new situations, people, and learn more about the world.

Having a strong sense of identity can help us to feel like we belong. It can also help strengthen our confidence and overall sense of wellbeing, leading us to make long-lasting friendships with others who share similar interests and values. It can help us to view the world in a more optimistic light, be more open to learning about new things and different people, and generally be happier in ourselves.

Who am I, how can I understand myself better and live more authentically?
Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash

Why does authenticity matter?

Knowing and understanding who you are can help you to live more authentically. This doesn’t necessarily make your life easier, but it can make your priorities clearer, help you to feel more energised and motivated, and decrease feelings of self-doubt.

As Life Coach Directory member Dr

Natural sleep support: 8 science-backed ways to help you sleep soundly

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With research showing almost three quarters of us don’t get enough sleep, how can we stop tossing and turning and start sleeping soundly? Here, we uncover the best natural sleep support techniques that are proven to work

Natural sleep support: 8 science-backed ways to help you sleep soundly

Whether it’s scrolling on TikTok or your mind racing at 3am, many of us struggle with sleep. In fact, research by Bed SOS has found that half of us don’t think we get enough sleep, and 20% of us feel exhausted the next day.

But it’s not just about the amount of sleep we get; the quality of our sleep is essential, too. In the UK, 25% of adults feel fretting about money impacts their sleep, and 37% said work leaves them feeling less in control of their sleep. With so much going on in our lives, it’s no wonder our sleep can suffer, but it’s important to prioritise it where you can – the health benefits of sleep are vast, helping support our immune system, our mental health, and even keeping our heart healthy. Let’s explore some natural ways that you can support your sleep that are all scientifically backed.

1. Ditch the caffeine

Caffeine is known for stimulating the brain, which makes it great when you need to get through your morning meeting, but less helpful if you’re trying to drift off to sleep. While you don’t have to go caffeine-free, coffee can help you stay alert up to four to six hours after drinking it, which is why most experts recommend avoiding it in the evening, with one study finding that 400mg of caffeine (which you’ll find in around four cups) consumed up to six hours before bed significantly disrupts sleep.

However, not everyone is as sensitive. “Everyone is different when it comes to caffeine; some of us can drink tea and coffee in the evenings and still get a normal night’s sleep, while others may need to limit caffeine intake from the afternoon onwards,” advises Sophie Medlin, consultant dietitian at City Dietitians. If you fall into the latter camp, it could be worth swapping your coffee for a non-caffeine alternative, such as herbal tea or chicory root coffee.

2. Log off before you hit the pillow

Finding a bedtime routine that’s phone-free could be worth trying – even if it’s leaving your phone in the other room, and reading a book in bed instead. It’s thought the blue light from your phone screen can interfere with the sleep-hormone, melatonin, as well as making you more alert as you scroll online and take in information.

When we use our phone in bed, not only are we likely to get less sleep (if our phone keeps us busy), but we also reduce the amount of REM sleep – the stage of sleep when we vividly dream.

“For many people, technology has crept into the bedroom, making the bed a place of work, entertainment, eating, etc. It equates the bed with lots of activities other than sleep,” says clinical hypnotherapist Geraldine Joaquim. “Use your bed just for sleep, as you want your brain to associate it with sleep, not scrolling social media and watching TV.”

3. Choose the right kind of workout

A workout gives you energy, so many think it’s

Rest to recover: Grace Victory on the power of giving yourself a break

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Society conditions us to think that we must always keep going, that fortune favours the busy, and to applaud the relentless hustlers. But columnist Grace Victory is here to share the real urgency, and necessity, to cut yourself some slack. This is your rallying call to rest – you deserve it

Rest to recover: Grace Victory on the power of giving yourself a break

Recently, I’ve found myself trying to rest, but then immediately telling myself to ‘just’ unload the washing, to ‘just’ put that pile of stuff away, to ‘just’ reply to one last email, to ‘just’ sort out Cyprus’s bag for tomorrow… There’s always just one more thing. My mind tells me to keep going when my body is screaming to just stop.

I think rest is complicated for a lot of us, including myself. It’s not necessarily about feeling as if rest isn’t deserved, but more about believing other things are more important. Or, sometimes, it’s simply the fact that our to-do list is nowhere near finished, and the thought of going to bed to wake up to the shit we ‘should’ve’ done before going to sleep is counter-productive.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe our need to feel productive stops us from being able to slow down. However, if the past two years have taught me anything it’s that resting when needed and when called to do so, is probably one of the most productive things we can do for ourselves.

Within the Western world, we have normalised constantly doing, moving, and working so much that rest, recovery, and rejuvenation is few and far between. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” is a great example of the state of our society, but things are slowly changing – and rightly so. Our wellbeing is in the gutter, we are more burnt out than ever, and if we aren’t in despair at our government, we are in despair at global crises, and you know what? Something simply has to give.

Rest to recover: Grace Victory on the power of giving yourself a break

The grind culture isn’t fulfilling us anymore, and working nine-to-five with little to show for it doesn’t seem as acceptable as it once did. We want more. We deserve more. We’re demanding more, and I’m here for it.

But I also think we deserve a little more love and compassion from ourselves, too. We need to recognise that, actually, sleeping five hours a night, skipping breakfast, and binge drinking on the weekend, is taking its toll, and maybe we need to pause, slow down, and stop filling every waking moment with ‘stuff’. That it’s healthy and empowering to have moments within our lives that are quiet, somewhat boring, and unhurried.

I really recommend reclaiming rest and making it something you actually enjoy, because rest looks different for everyone, and different circumstances will require a different form of relaxing, too! Sometimes you just need to forget about everything and go to sleep. Other times you might only need a break from work, so going on a walk to listen to a podcast with an iced coffee would benefit you better. Maybe it’s a hot bath? Maybe it’s dropping your

Why you should try writing morning pages to boost your wellbeing

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What are 'morning pages', and how can we make the most of their wellbeing magic by doing this activity every day?

Why you should try writing morning pages to boost your wellbeing

Many of us know the wellbeing benefits of writing, whether it’s creating a gratitude list each week or penning poetry that explores our experiences. Morning pages is an activity that involves writing three pages of stream of consciousness in longhand, first thing each morning. This, according to its inventor, Julia Cameron, can help us think through problems and improve our creativity.

Cameron outlines ‘morning pages’ in her 1992 book, The Artist’s Way, where she explores how we can discover and recover our creative selves. She recommends morning pages as a tool to help overcome creative blocks. And it’s not just for artists: boosting creativity can help us to problem solve in all areas of our lives, making it a worthwhile exercise for everyone.

As a writer, I was curious about trying morning pages. I’ve seen others talk about how they find it useful, and wondered whether it would help me feel more energised to write creatively each day. So I decided to give it a go.

The wellbeing benefits of morning pages

I asked counsellor Jenny Warwick for her insights into how morning pages can support our mental health and wellbeing.

“It gives you the chance to think about, and state, what’s going on for you,” she tells me. “It’s an opportunity to put down literally whatever is at the top of your head without fear of judgement. You can get those thoughts out onto paper and clear them from your mind, so that you can start the day fresh. You may well be surprised at what comes up as a result.

“While it may be tricky initially, it may give you some insight into what’s actually going on in your head, which is surely worth doing for your mental health and wellbeing.”

By writing morning pages every day, we can, Julia Cameron says, work through problems. “It is very difficult to complain about a situation morning after morning, month after month, without being moved to constructive action. The pages lead us out of despair and into undreamed-of solutions,” she writes in The Artist’s Way.

Morning pages, of course, are written first thing. Which Jenny explains gives you the chance to put your thoughts down on paper before the rest of your daily stuff gets in the way.

“It’s time that you are making specifically for you, and you alone,” she adds. “It’s before the day has gotten in the way of what’s going on in your head. Your mind has been working overnight to process the previous day and is fresh. You could catch some insights as a result of this processing before you start your new day.”

Morning pages involves writing whatever comes to us, without worrying about spelling and grammar, or what other people will think. This, Jenny explains, allows us to pour our thoughts out as they are beginning to take form, knowing that no one else is going to read them. “This means you can tap into thoughts and feelings you might not even realise or recognise that you had, which would be really valuable to know,” says Jenny. “You might even surprise you

Grace Victory on finding resilience when things don’t go to plan

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From challenging circumstances to unexpected traumas, there are times in our lives when we all have had, or will have, to face adversity. Here, columnist Grace Victory explores what it takes to truly get through the hard times, and shares the secrets to cultivating your own form of resilience

Grace Victory on finding resilience when things don’t go to plan

The societal focus on ‘resilience’ is often rooted in a somewhat toxic need to always be strong at any given moment.

The ‘strong woman’ trope, which is particularly felt by black women, can diminish softness, vulnerability, and lead to a lack of truth. I, like many of you reading this, have endured so much pain throughout my life that resilience and ‘bouncing back’ feels relatively easy. What other choice do we actually have? But also, at what cost does this resilience come?

Of course, resilience is something that’s needed in order to be OK after we experience something difficult. That’s life, and we can’t run from it. From name calling in the playground to an egotistical boss at your new job, or maybe even a narcissistic parent – all of us go through things that eventually help us to grow, but there is a sadness in having to be tough, too.

Often, resilient behaviours are in who we are, or shown to us subconsciously through at least one healthy relationship or attachment relating to our childhood – but this is something not everyone is fortunate enough to have experienced. As adults, I guess we have to reclaim what resilience looks like to us, and mourn or grieve our childhood experiences that perhaps shaped our bounce back ability (or lack thereof).

Now more than ever, resilience is something we need on a soul level, in order to navigate life with all its ups and downs. From the pandemic, which affected so many of us, to the political climate that, let’s be honest, is a complete and utter sh*t show. From the constant rise in the cost of living, to personal trauma that we are still trying to overcome, being able to carry on through such stress is important and necessary for our survival.

In my opinion, resilience is no longer about constantly being strong, but about making it through the day, the month, or the year. It’s about surrendering to your personal path or journey, and ultimately using your wellbeing tools to carry you through.

Grace Victory on finding resilience when things don’t go to plan

Resilience doesn’t need to be fighting an internal war, or stopping yourself from crying because you don’t want to appear weak. Resilience is leaning on your community, practising self-care, and doing more of the things that fill up your cup.

We cannot avoid what life throws at us – that’s something I’ve learnt, particularly in the past two years. Life is unpredictable, but if you do not have strong foundations and aren’t actively working towards them remaining strong, you could falter the moment harsh winds arrive. We can not only survive through the storm, but we can go on to thrive, with due care, self-compassion, and grace.

So, how do we be

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